Sure. I’m 26, in IL. Doesn’t bother me if you call me Ma’am!
Though I did do a double take the first time I got adressed as “Mrs.”! Ms is fine as well.
–tygre
Pointless anecdote:
When I was 18, I worked in a store bagging groceries. I called all the female checkers ma’am, partly because I never learned their names. A few of them were deeply insulted by this, and one of them would lecture me on how we were one big happy family. :rolleyes:
None of that ever changed my opinion that Ma’am is the right thing to call a woman whose name you don’t know.
Yep-I’m Southerner, and it was so ingrained in me to call people ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ that, even in college in New England, I did it. I even call children that I don’t know ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’. I once had a boy run to his mother and whisper loudly, “she called me ‘sir’!” when I did it. She just smiled a him, and told him that was the polite thing to do. 
I mean no offense by it, and no, I don’t use it once I get to know you, but I’m going to ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ you until I do. No offense intended, but I’d feel like I was raised in a barn if I didn’t do it.
I am in Alabama, and I think I was probably 18 or so the first time I was called “ma’am” so it wasn’t painful. Aroud here it is just an acknowlegdement that you are speaking to an adult that you don’t know personally.
Lately, though, I have noticed a disturbing trend at banks and retail places where they apparently insruct their eimployees to notice your first name on your bank card and address you using that. I hate it. To me, being on a first name basis is a sign of a certain degree of intimacy, not something to be tossed about wildly. Lest I be accused of being classist, I think this goes both ways–I cringe whenever I hear a customer somewhere get an employee’s first name off their name tag and go “Suzy, I’d like the large frys please.” I am not everyone’s friend, everyone is not my friend, and there is nothing wrong with that. Pretending that we are all more friendly than we are just dilutesthe meaning that these little gestures have when they really are finally appropriate.
Oddly, this matter has come up for discussion among friends here and in the US before, and we think it may be a national thing.
I’ve noticed people in the US use “ma’am” a lot, without any particular connotation. Here in Aus, people mainly use it as a distancing mechanism or to be rude in a veiled manner. Examples would be to indicate they think you are being officious (replying “Yes ma’am”), or that they are offended with you (eg a sales clerk who has had to do some extra work to get what you asked for) or that they think you have behaved badly but are not going to face you with it.
I have noticed the use of ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’ creeping in amongst sales clerks for US based multinationals, and I suspect they have a corporate policy that came from the US parent office directing its use for "politeness’.
“Ma’am” and “Sir” do not have a connotation of respect here, at least not amongst my generation, unless you are in the armed forces.
YMMV.
I don’t understand what the problem is with being called ma’am. I’m 18, and I get called ma’am in stores and restaurants. It doesn’t bother me, and I prefer it to being called “Miss,” and I try my hardest to reciprocate.
I use Madame.
Of course, I do live in Montreal.
Being called Ma’am is fine with me. I call a lot of people “Ma’am” or “Sir” … even my friends in kind of a joking way. The first few times I was Ma’am instead of Miss were a bit of a shock, I’m at that age where it seems like it can go either way. I’m with Lsura, in that I call little kids Miss or Sir if I don’t know their names. I hated being called “little girl” when I was one, a lot of kids get a kick out of being treated like a grown up person.
I agree that often you can say “Excuse me, you dropped your glove” … but sometimes, sticking that “ma’am” or “sir” in there can help narrow the field. In those situations, I find I don’t often have eye contact, because the reason I noticed the person dropping the glove in the first place is because I’m in line behind him or her, or seated at the next table.
I think it can be used the same in the US, except the intonation is what would make the difference. I’m not sure of the various context levels of different countries’ English languages, so who knows - your “rude” intonation is probably the same as ours, and you just lack the “polite” one. Can’t say, never been to Australia.
As for my family - my wife is British and finds the use of “ma’am” or “sir” to be unusual, but she is getting used to it. And, yes, my children will be raised to use “ma’am” and “sir” when responding to their elders. I also live in the South - and when someone assisting me, or serving me at a restaurant, or what have you, is older than me, I naturally use “ma’am” or “sir.” I have no plans to stop.
If a woman is older than me, or in a position of authority, or I have reason to defer to her in any way (like with retail clerks or waitrons), I’ll call her “Ma’am.” The only exception is my stepmother, who I address only by her first name, because I hate her.
Manda JO, if they’re wearing a name tag with their name on it, I’ll use it; IMHO, implicit in the wearing of a name tag is the desire, or at least willingness, to be called by that name. However, I’d just as soon be called “Mr. Five” or “sir” by people who don’t know me well.
Women my own age or on an equal or junior social footing are called either by their names, or “sugar,” “sweetie,” “babe,” “dear,” or “sweetheart.”
I apply these terms to my nieces with extra enthusiasm.
My nephew I simply call “boy.”
Manda JO, I agree with you completely.
I grew up using “Ma’am/Sir” and continued addressing and being addressed thus thru my military years. I have no problem being called “Ma’am” - and I definitely prefer it to “young lady”… I’m 47. I’m NOT a young lady and I don’t for a moment think anyone mistakes me for one. I MIGHT tolerate it from someone over 90, but I’m not flattered in the least!!!
Did I mention this is HIGH on my pet peeve list???
“Ma’am” is fine. You can call any female older than a teenager “ma’am” and if she gets insulted, it just shows HER lack of class.
Just don’t call me by my first name merely because I’ve had to fill it in on a piece of paper. This happens ALL THE TIME in doctor’s offices, where the scheduling people (often twenty-year-old twits) think they’re being “friendly” by calling people who they’ve never met by their first names. I just sit there, refusing to answer, until they call me by both names. Then I walk over and say in the sweetest of tones (not sarcastic-sweet, but “genuinely confused” sweet) “I’m sorry, I thought you must be calling someone you KNEW personally, since you were using a first name.” If the response is “No, I always call patients by their first names,” then I say “Gee, maybe you should know that a lot of people think that’s kind of, well, overly familiar. They expect to be called Miss Smith or whatever. Sort of old-fashioned politeness, you know, what you expect in a professional setting…” By this time, it’s beginning to sink in on the clipboard-carriers that they’re being gently criticized, and they get defensive. “I’ve never heard that.” Smiling nicely as you enter the examination room, I say “Well, ask around. You might be surprised how many people are put off by having a stranger call them by a first name.”
I still can’t call someone by thier first name, Five, nametag or no. I see the nametag as something imposed on them by thier employer in order to make me, the customer, feel like everyone there is my buddy, and I refuse to give in to that, or to compromise the dignity of even a sixteen year old. The only exception to this I can think of is when you need to relay information about one name-taged person to another, i.e., “Suzie showed me this table yesterday–Is she here today?” And the only reason I’ll use a first name then is because the only other alternitive is “The woman with the black hair in a green blouse” and that is even less dignified.
I’m 24, and have lived in Georgia for four years. I mostly grew up in Texas but we were imported from Ohio, so I wasn’t brought up to say “sir” or “ma’am.”
Ma’am is better than miss – ANYTHING is better than miss --but I don’t much like it. To me, you call somebody ma’am who’s somehow superior to you (i.e., a teacher, etc.), and I am in no way superior to the teenage bagging my groceries. Though I am aware that around here, people really do view it as polite, and I don’t argue with them. It just bugs me a bit. If I did it, it’d be forced. For the natives, it’s not.
But you know what’s worse? The custom around here of having children call a female adult “Miss (insert name here).” I guess it’s like being a courtesy aunt, but it REALLY BUGS ME. I have had to bite my tongue numerous times when mothers introduce me as “Miss Rachel,” to their kids, because I don’t want to look rude. Either call me by my name, or call me “Ms. (last name).” Those are fine. Anything else is not.
Wearing a name tag with one’s first name on it means one’s employer has forced one to wear a name tag with one’s first name on it. Do you think that Suzy behind the counter at MacDonald’s has the option of putting “Ms. Schmidt” on her nametag?
As for ma’am, I think it’s a perfectly appropriate way to address a female stranger. It gets her attention faster than just “Excuse me!” In this day and age, “Miss” toward an adult is no more acceptable than “Sweetheart.”
(I’m a native Iowan, if anyone’s keeping track.)
**Podkayne[/b:
You know, I’d just bet that if “Suzy” made an issue of it, most employers probably would give her that option. Most people aren’t assholes. Call me Pollyanna if you must.
- Southern California -
I wasn’t raised to say miss vs ma’am, but thanx to the retail business i’ve formed my own habit out of it. Ma’am goes to anyone who appears slightly over my current age. Miss goes for those who appear my age or younger.
Personally i don’t mind if i’m called ma’am or miss as long as its respectful. I’m only 20 and i’ve been called ma’am almost as many times as miss for the past few years.
I just wanted to say that using “ma’am” or “sir” has NEVER occured to me as a statement of age. Neither has Miss.
I call most everybody I know by their name. Sometimes I’ll say “yes ma’am” or “yes sir” but usually as sarcasm to somebody being kinda bossy.
I can interchangeably use Ma’am or Miss to call somebody after their lost glove. It seems either is fine to me. Like I said, I didn’t even know anybody attributed age to either term.
(Vancouver, WA, btw.)
Okay, Pollyanna. I take it you’ve never worked in fast food?
Podkayne:
Of course I have, at a Burger King the summer before college. And I delivered pizza in college, and worked at a convenience store/gas station, and I sacked groceries during high school. And with very few exceptions, most of my bosses were people just like me, who rarely copped an attitude, and I don’t doubt they would have acceded had I made an issue out of what to put on my name tag.
This was years ago. If it’s any different now, I’m sure bosses are even more respectful of their employees. Especially here in Atlanta, where burger-flippers get $8-$10/hour and all the Taco Bells and McD’s still have “Help Wanted” signs out. If you asked them to call you “Master of the Universe” they probably would.
So if I see a cashier with “Suzy” on her nametag, I don’t feel like I’m serving as a tool of the oppressive corporate patriarchy if I call her “Suzy.”