Is “Ma’am” an age thing? If so, what age? Is it a social status thing, where it might be meant earnestly to a well-to-do lady, but seems sarcastic to a shabbier woman? Are you okay with being addressed as “Ma’am”? If so, were you always, or did you have to grow into it? Have you ever corrected someone who addressed you so?
Gentlemen: with whom do you use the word “ma’am” and why?
I’m curious to hear from folks from a variety of english-speaking backgrounds.
I’ve been ma’amed at 34, but I’ve also been carded to buy liquor, so it all evens out.
To me it’s how you’d address a woman ranging from matronly to elderly. It seems like I only ever hear it on police programs on tv, or rarely in real life by a retail employee addressing a customer who forgot a bag or something. I’m from the northeast US.
I don’t like it in my “normal” life, running errands and stuff. I don’t feel like that form of address fits my age and how I see myself I guess? But when I’m substitute teaching it doesn’t bother me unless they’re being snotty. I’m 22 and they usually think I’m in my 30’s or older. Because, teachers have to be old, ya know.
As I was taught to do by Mama Plant. I am from Arkansas.
My situation is further complicated by working a public service desk at a Library some 15 years, where I called anyone in front of the desk “Sir” or “M’am”.
Hate, hate, hate, HATE. We have a new intern at work, probably ~22, and that was the first thing I told her to get rid of. I told her I understood that it was a regional thing (I’m from MA, she’s born-n-bred Georgian), but that I was already super-sensitive about my age and the ma’am thing didn’t help. Amusingly, later on in the day she called one of my coworkers- former military, definitely more of an age where it would be appropriate- sir, and he told her the same thing.
It is a very ingrained regional thing here; anyone in a position of authority or above the age of 30 gets called ma’am. I never used it growing up (moved here when I was 22), but have picked it up when talking to anyone over the age of 60 or when trying to get someone’s attention (ie, the bag thing).
It sure beats “bitch,” “hey you,” “you guys,” and “sir” (which I honest to God once got at the DMV – though I had very short hair at the time, I was in the habit of wearing dangly earrings and makeup and was, I think, rather obviously female).
I vaguely remember the first time I was taken by surprise at being called “ma’am” rather than “miss,” but I’m not hung up on age. People have guessed my age widely off in both directions, and hey, time marches on. So what?
It would strike me as a bit odd to be addressed as “ma’am.” I get called “miss” or “senorita.” I can’t recall ever being "ma’am"ed, but I wouldn’t get all huffy about it.
Here’s a related question: at what age does it become inappropriate to address a woman as “miss”?
When I was younger I never minded if strangers that needed to get my attention used it but the first time a teenager at the shelter called me Ma’am it surprised me because it does have age connotation to me that wasn’t pleasant to consider. I had to stop and realize that since he looked like a kid to me then I looked like a ma’am to him. Now it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s better than ‘hey lady’.
I use “Ma’am” to address women at my workplace (a medical center) if I don’t know their names and they are patients at our facility. “Miss” may imply that I’m talking down to them, it seems to me. I want to show respect for our patients. (If I know your name, then I’ll use “Ms/Mrs/Miss Lastname” as appropriate.) I would use “Miss” if speaking to a little girl, or to someone who verbally objected to “Ma’am”.
For coworkers I use their first name, while doctors get called “Dr. Lastname” - well, to their faces at least.
I don’t like it, but that’s just because of the history behind it. Around these parts, the only time I get called “ma’am” is when someone is condescending to me or trying to tell me white is black and I’m blind for not seeing it. It is very much a loaded word here.
I apologize in advance if you meet me in real life and I say this to you. In marching band we were conditioned to say “sir” to the person giving commands regardless of the person’s gender, that said I try to not use it, and succeed 99% of the time.
For me “ma’am” is anyone over, say, 12 (or otherwise looks like they’ve probably gone through or have at least somewhat progressed in puberty). To me it’s the opposite, “ma’am” doesn’t imply “old” so much as “miss” implies really, really young. I don’t know where I got this, I grew up in Wisconsin for about 8 years and then lived the rest of my life in Arizona and it’s certainly not entirely common in either area I grew up in.
Edit: I have a feeling my aversion to “miss” was because it always grated me and my teachers whenever a kid (and it was usually the delinquent ones) called them “miss” instead of “Ms./Mrs./Miss <name>”. So I spent a good portion of my life avoiding just calling people “miss.”
Both my parents are Texan, I grew up mostly in the South - sir/ma’am is engrained. In my experience, it isn’t really related to age, it’s related to respect. So, of course you would use sir/ma’am with someone older, to show respect, but it would also be used for sales clerks, people assisting you, etc. If I used it, it would have very little to do with the age of the recipient. I am always a little surprised when someone says it makes them feel old! n my experience, it’s just a courteous way of addressing someone, that’s it.
North Carolinian here and it’s this exactly. I expect to be called ma’am by children, teens, and salespeople. I yes ma’am and no ma’am my mom and granny and salespeople.
