But you wouldn’t even use “Ms” in the places you’d use “Ma’am”. Nobody says “Excuse me, Mizz…” I want to be addressed as “Dear Ms Z”, but in person you should call me “Ma’am” if you’re an adult or a child, and “Miss” if you’re, like, seven, or you’re treating me like I’m seven. “Miss” isn’t for adult women.
Honest question, no snark intended: Were you really so strongly conditioned that you could not help calling everyone “sir” in a non-marching-band situation? That if a woman drops her purse at the grocery store, you have to really try not to get her attention by saying, “Excuse me, sir, you dropped your purse”?
Geez, and I thought MY band director was a hardass.
:dubious: 
Like I said, I succeed in not using it 99% of the time, the other 1% is where I just got out of practice or the person looked really, really freaking butch. (I just thought it would be a good thing to post, I took logic out of my anecdote dropping years ago)
Edit: But our band director WAS a hardass, he has made several people cry, numerous times, in one practice. He also would conveniently “forget” to give us water breaks or that it was time to leave…
It has never bothered me. I was probably in my mid-twenties the first time I heard it. I was a substitute teacher at the time, so hearing Ma’am was better than a lot of the other things, that I am sure I was called behind my back.
When I was a Nanny I was called “Mrs.” Married Last Name. The funniest part about that is that I wasn’t even married at the time, and wouldn’t be for about 2 years. They thought it would be less confusing for the baby who was only 3 months old when I started to learn just one name. So, I got used to my married name way in advance of actually owning it. Good thing we didn’t break up!
27 here. It doesn’t bother me. I use ma’am for people who are older than me or in charge someway (so, my boss who is a year younger sometimes get called ma’am).
Kentuckian, and I’ll third this.
And as others have pointed out, it beats the hell out of “hey, you.”
Or, as my husband puts it, if only someone would call me that without adding “you’ll have to leave.”
Upon reflection I realize that I probably would feel more comfortable with “hey lady!” I don’t really have an alternative though, for respectful address of woman I don’t know. It is definitely a lot more palateable when it comes in a Southern accent. Somehow then it seems to be delivered as intended, without the old-bat baggage my Yankee upbringing attaches to it otherwise!
Funny to hear that Miss makes some bristle. I always thought I was safe to use that one.
I prefer Ma’am over Miss. Miss sounds so…virginal. I remember going from Señorita to Señora in Mexico at age 24 and didn’t like it all that much, particularly since I wasn’t married. It just sounded so much older than Ma’am. Go figure.
A good friend just retired from teaching middle school in the Oakland Public School System for thirty-five years. She said she went from the Sixties when the kids greeted her with, “Good Morning, Miss Xxxx,” to the recent “Yo, Ho.” In this case either Miss or Ma’am would be welcome.
For some reason, Southern schoolchildren call all female teachers Miss. I had a history teacher whose husband I had met - I’d been to their house, spent a considerable amount of time speaking to the man, etc, and still called her Miss Dillon. Ms has certainly penetrated the South - it’s what all letters to me are addressed with very rare exception - but not in the schools. I’m sure it comes from a time when if you were a schoolteacher and got married you quit.
ETA - that’s the problem with “Miss” - it comes from a time when an unmarried woman was less than “adult”. So when called “Miss” now when it isn’t from a child I feel it’s belittling and essentially calling me a child. Uncoincidentally, I only hear it now from old men who are, indeed, saying that I’m a child and that I have no idea what I’m doing. They’ll go up to an ignorant library volunteer with white hair a million times before they’ll go up to me with my masters’ degree.
IME, ‘Ma’am’ is usually followed by a firehose of bullshit (“yes ma’am, the repairman will be there by 11am” etc) so it has a bad connotation for me. Featherlou and I are in the same chunk of the country, so our experience seems to be similar.
I get “miss” a bit more than I get “ma’am” but neither bothers me. It just seems like something polite to call someone instead of “Hey you”
Mind??? Hell, most of the time, I insist upon it.
I much prefer being called “Ma’am” to say, “sweetie” (pet peeve that is one of the few things to get a server stiffed on the tip if they insist upon using this form of address after being requested to refrain).
I still call my mother or other female relatives Ma’am if the occasion calls for it. Living in the south, as others have pointed out, it’s pretty much standard for women over 12.*
- I get a kick from some gentlemen of my father’s generation, though, who call any woman under 60 “Miss”.
As a Texan, I’ll fourth this. So since I’ve always done it, be a female 4 or 40, I figure it’s only fair that I not get upset at the same. Of course, when it really starts happening regularly and you realize that you’ve become some “other,” it’s a bit disconcerting at first. But afterwards, you just think back to all the people you made feel that way and all is right with the world once again. 
I mostly get Miss, but have gotten Ma’am a few times in the last couple of years…, totally OK with it.
I was very recently called Señora at a Mexican restaurant for the first time, and I admit, it caught my attention. Still didn’t bother me of course, but it did have me taking a mental note that I am no longer a Señorita. And I’m not. So, Señora it is! 
I’m 47 I sir and ma’am patients in the ER that are much younger than me on a regular basis, just trying to be respectful. Occasionaly someone will ask me to call them by their name, which is fine, I’ve just always had trouble with names.
Story Time:
so, I’m in the break room having lunch when one of the other nurses comes in and says
‘Larry, I know you’re on break, but I can’t get the pulse ox to work on this kid, pleeeeze’ Now this happens on a regular basis because of my peds ICU experience and the bigger part of me is always glad to try and get the job done, the better to get the kid out of distress, but a smaller part of me is always thinking
‘goddamnit do your own work it’s not that hard didn’t I already teach you this.’
Sooo, I go in the room and while I’m getting the equipment set up I say to the mother
‘will you please take a shoe and sock off for me ma’am’.
cuz a pulse ox that’s designed for an adult finger will often work well on kids toes, and she says, in a voice not quite flirtatious, but clearly not offended,
‘only if you stop calling me ma’am’
to which I reply
‘well, i didn’t mean for you to take off your own shoe and sock’
Hilarity ensued
Oh, and the kid was just fine
As a police officer I am pretty much conditioned to use sir and ma’am at all times when dealing with the public. Being from the military started me on that road but that is for officers only. I will call you ma’am even as I am cuffing you. I usually don’t use it much outside of work.
As a Texan, I will fifth that calling people Ma’am or sir has nothing to do with age, it is just being polite. I onced called a women in her 20’s from the North-east US Ma’am and she put her hand, across her chest, gasped, and asked me why I called her that. Strange.
Not strange, just a culture difference. I’m from the midwest livin in Texas. From what I observe, the South is more insistant on using Sir and M’am as a sign of respect. Northern/midwest people tend to be more relaxed(?) about this, but my generation would use the Sir/M’am for elderly folks and judges/police officers.
I cringe most of the time when being called M’am - not because it makes me feel ‘old’, but, well it’s hard to explain. My kids also had a hard time with this especially with teachers since the teachers up north were addressed by their names, whereas I had a teacher from the south yell at one of my kids for using her name and not calling her M’am (“I did not go to school to be referred to as Mrs.XXX…”). We have all learned to adjust to the Southern culture for the most part.
I agree with featherlou and Annie’s associations with “ma’am”, and I much prefer (and use) “miss”. I’m 22 and grew up in Portland, OR.
It seriously offends me when people take offense. It is a form of respect. Sir or Ma’am. Respectful, regardless of age, social status or whatever.
I’m guessing that Northerners must interact with people who’s names they do not know as “Hey, Fucker!” I’ve asked what they use instead of Sir or Ma’am and never really gotten an answer.
If I hear one more time “My Daddy was Sir, my name is X” one more time, I swear, I’m gonna get a baseball bat. Your Daddy was Sir because that is how you refer to someone to show respect.
This isn’t the pit, but people, understand, it is a form of respect, stop being an ass. Do you get pissed when people call you Mister? Or Miss? How about Dr? Your Honor?