Let’s say, hypothetically, that you’re taking a walk outside. You’re wearing pants, a shirt, and shoes. You’re holding a half-full bottle of water. An angry goose comes out of nowhere, hissing and squawking and flapping, and starts chasing you. Also assume, hypothetically, that you can’t outrun it (it’s a supergoose and will always run faster than you), although you will successfully escape after you perform one of the above actions. You fully believe it intends to bite you. What would you do?
I’d try squirting the water at it and then use the empty bottle to try and fend the SG (not shredder guy) off.
I approve of this method more than any of the options in the poll.
I’d use the bottle and/or a shoe to try to fend off the attacks without (if I can help it) actually physically assaulting the bird – feinting with the bottle, and such. If I got into a position where I felt I had to hit the bird in defense, I’d try very hard not to make it a permanently damaging type of blow.
Agreement with Asimovian. (Is it only coincidence that Isaac Asimov is one of my very favorite writers?)
Yeah, a goose bite hurts a little, but, overall, the critter is a lot more fragile than I am, and is only obeying its blind instincts, so it’s a little unfair of me to go full-moose nuclear on it. (That’s for Christmas Eve…)
Oh, I didn’t even think of that option. Good call! I’m asking because there is a pair of loud geese nesting outside of my work building (for some reason they won’t or can’t relocate the nest). I would assume they’re outrunnable, but I figured I’d ask for the most humane option just in case one happens to corner me.
SHOOT IT and claim self defense.*
[sub]* Strategy good in Florida and 21 other states.[/sub]
I’d not hesitate to escalate to deadly force to stop an attack if necessary. Geese are nasty, plentiful, and very aggressive. I’ll help preserve them as a species, but not as individuals.
Stare the goose down with a look that says you would be delicious stuffed and roasted. Approach slowly, but with the serious intent to make that happen. Geese are big and scary and nasty, but they’re also still dinner for a lot of critters. Think like a predator and remind them of that.
I’d kick it, but mostly on instinct rather than planning. Chucking a water bottle at it sounds good to me. Squirting it is worth a shot, but I wouldn’t count on that deterring waterfowl. I don’t want to kill a goose that’s trying to defend its nest, but I’m not going to stand there and let it hurt me either. They can’t kill you, but they can put you in a lot of pain.
If it does come within kicking range, or starts becoming more aggressive in general, do tell someone in a position to do something about it. (Maintenance? Security? HR?) Your employer does have a duty to provide safe working conditions.
I’ve been attacked by geese and swans. They’re very intimidating but unless you’re physically handicapped in some way they really can’t hurt you much. I just kick at them and back away. Obviously I could kill any goose or swan I could get my hands on, but really I’m a lover not a fighter. I have tried the “I’m a predator and I think I’ll eat you” stand and stare down tactic, but it doesn’t seem to work on them like it does other animals.
Why, this is a job for…
If I couldn’t outrun it, I’d try threat display, yelling, but if the thing insisted on biting, I’d probably kick it. Hopefully not too hard.
You might want to think about carrying a canned air horn with you for the next few weeks. Geese can get *very *aggressive when they’re nesting. Some cultures have used them as guard animals!
I would just keep walking. I have never met a goose with teeth.
Any excuse to kick a goose is good enough for me. How could anyone pick anything else??
roar, thump my chest and flail my arms around wildly. ME HUNGRY!
Where we used to kennel our dogs when I was a kid, they had geese. Those suckers were mean! You absolutely could not turn your back on them or they would run after you and bit the backs of your legs. It really, really hurt.
I would start by throwing my water bottle at it and then kick it if I had to.
I’d probably kick. I wouldn’t try to hurt the goose initially. But if it was persistent, I’d kick it hard. It’s just a goose. I eat those things.
I walk with a hickory cane. No goose can stand up to a poke from that. Or a hard swing.