Just some rambling reflections on my week. I was called on to care for a convicted serial killer a couple of times this past week. It’s my job to attend to the medical needs of convicts. But this was the first time I was called on to care for one so infamous.
He raped and murdered a number of girls. No doubt about it, he did it. Life in prison. Now he sits in the infirmary wing, dying by pieces, systems failing slowly and in unpleasant ways, as we attend to his basic needs. He can still last for years, but they will suck big time. Is this justice of a higher court? No idea.
He’s not a pleasant person, he’s whiny and demanding. He does get his needs met, and the staff is professional; his sentence is his punishment, we do not punish him further, we take care of him.
I don’t dwell on his crimes, or try to research them and his history further. I spent over an hour trying to figure out how better to manage one of his diseases. If I’m successful, he may suffer less. If I learned more about his criminal past, I might not apply myself as rigourously to my job of most effectively treating him. And I don’t want to be that kind of doctor, unintentionally or otherwise.
I don’t take pleasure in the fact that he is suffering.
But I’m not sad about it either.
And that’s not usual for me. At least it didn’t used to be.
Wow. I never really thought about this kind of conflict arising, but it’s obvious now that you mention it. It must throw a monkey wrench into your day to maintain balance working in such a situation.
I’m a bit in awe, frankly. Your work must be incredibly tiring, emotionally if not physically as well.
My husband is a paramedic, and sometimes they get stuck having to take care of the drunken idiot who has just killed a family in the other car. Very, very tough to deal with.
Hang in there.
~karol
Hang in there Qadgop. I’m a midwife, and I find it incredibly difficult to maintain a sense of professionalism when confronted with heroin users and their withdrawing babies. It’s difficult to maintain the standard of care I expect from myself in this kind of circumstance. Not serial killers I admit, but I know I need somewhere and someone to vent to when I’m confronted with an ethically challenging situation, much better than bottling it in. I’ll have a beer for you later. Take care
If you take your car to a mechanic and act like a dick, it’s likely the mechanic will do crappier work and charge you more, or will at least not care so much about what he’s doing.
It’s perfectly normal to have emotions about the people you deal with at work. What separates the professionals from the dickheads is what you do about those feelings. Be a professional.
I’ll pass on the beer, thanks. Alcohol just gets me pissed off.
Sir William Osler, MD (one of the 4 founders of Johns Hopkins Hospital) spoke of ‘equanimitas’ or even temper, as being a desirable trait in the practice of medicine. I’m still working on practicing that principle, but I think I’m making progress.
But the job is a tremendous opportunity for personal growth, and a great chance to serve a community who is very at-risk, and needs help on a number of fronts. Even if they will never return to society at large.
I remember taking care of psych patients who had molested children, it was hard as hell to be professional. I pulled it off though, you have my sympathy.