Sort of misses the point.
It’s a weird thing to get “outraged” over and IMHO getting “outraged” at your employees outside of some gross misconduct or insubordination is pretty unprofessional.
And, I didn’t show outrage in the meeting. We’re all human and I personally believe its okay to have feelings from time to time that aren’t exemplars of maturity - it is SHOWING the feelings that are inappropriate in the office setting that would be unprofessional.
And before you say, “oh, but you showed those feelings because you said that YOU didn’t need recognition” I assure you that (a) I only said anything because the board chair (who told me later that he thought she was out of line) correctly pointed out that it had been my birthday at the last meeting. Responding to his comment, I assure you my tone was very much one of “Oh, no big deal, don’t worry about it, I don’t want anyone to feel bad that you didn’t recognize my birthday; I didn’t want to be singled out.”
Your post said that my “mental imbalance” might put her “job in jeopardy,” and I responded that her job is not in jeopardy in the least. I think that was pretty on point.
But, whatever. I think I have made it clear in numerous posts from my OP onward that I fully understand that what she said wasn’t that big a deal and reflected my own upbringing with a mother who constantly demanded birthday fealty, rather than objective reality. So, to help reinforce the fact that it’s not a big deal, I asked dopers for input. I figured dopers would on the whole be pretty nice about it, but would agree that it isn’t something to get worked up about. That has largely been the result of starting this thread, and I thank everyone for their thoughtful responses.
Yes, CairoCarol you are unreasonably outraged. You admit that birthdays are a trigger for you due to your mother. Jeez! Who has the problem here?
Someone mentioned their upcoming birthday and you feel that it is a danger sign from a new employee. My former employer used to post an employee’s birthday on the reader board that everyone sees when driving through the gate. And everyone got an email lauding their hire date anniversary every year.
It is nice that you have such a minor thing to be concerned about.
Of course, we’ve all been assuming that your assistant was telling the truth when she said that the day of the next meeting would be her birthday. What if she was lying? What if she just made that up? Since she has worked less than a year in your office, there’s nothing to stop her from lying. What if you all decided that it was necessary for everyone to sign a birthday card? What if you also put balloons and cards on her desk before she got to work that day? What if you had an expensive birthday cake made for her? What if you all chipped in to buy her a meal at an incredibly expensive restaurant? What would you do if after all that she had announced that she was lying about the fact that it was her birthday, when actually her birthday would be in six months? Would you all scream at her? Would you knock her to the ground? Would you bring her to the torture chamber in the basement of the building? Would you spend days torturing her before hiring an airplane to fly her above the nearby mountains where you would toss her out of the airplane?
I’m with you here 
Its not a big deal, its triggering for you but for anyone else that would be a “Lol, whatever” moment and move on.
In the grand scheme of inappropriate things said in important meetings (usually by the most senior person in the room, not the most junior) it doesn’t even get a look in.
I am going to start by revealing that my birthday is December 23rd which is a horrible birthday. (Not looking for suggestions here. I have heard them all). I hate birthday stuff. Would I still hate it if my bday was in April? Knowing my personality, probably, but maybe my personality was colored first by the birthday thing.
I don’t let co-workers know about my birthday and if it happened to be a workday, I’d just work like it was any other day. My last workplace had a thing where once a month they would bring in a bunch of desserts and it would be a celebration for those who had birthdays that month. I told HR to not include my name on the announcements which they did without questioning it. After all, there are some whose religion doesn’t recognize them as a celebration.
After that long introduction, the assistant would have annoyed me too because people making a big deal over their birthday annoy me but I would have instantly been over it. I am sure that I have quirks that annoy people too. I have a small handful of friends who are in the birthdays are important to me and also some of my family. I put it in my calendar and be sure to call or text.
Interesting… @CairoCarol acknowledged that she was overreacting in her subject line. Now you’re kind of overreacting.
Sounds like this story hit a hot button of yours. What’s the feudal lord/serf tale in your history?
Technically I said I don’t want to work for someone where their “mental imbalance” would put my job in jeopardy. And I say that because I’ve worked for or with people who would get “outraged” over some perceived slight or lack of proper deferment to their esteemed position or whatever crazy bullshit was running through their head. In those situations, whether or not they can personally fire you is almost irrelevant. Their position still gives them power within the organization and there are usually other ways they can make your work life uncomfortable.
No one wants to work for or with someone who gets horrified and outraged and stews for days because they happened to mention their birthday or some other seemingly innocuous thing. Because if that’s the sort of thing that sets the boss off, who knows what else will.
Talk you down?
Was it inappropriate? Well, yes but as for inappropriate behavior, it is like Jaywalking. Big deal.
She does her job, you have no complaints. I am sure I have done worse things without realizing as I was brought up in a very rural area, first person in near and semi-near family to go to college and first to have a white collar job. She is likely used to more informal meetings.
If you feel compelled to do something OR because you GENUINELY feel she might have irritated board members, then casually and with low energy mention to her that questions/announcements should be on task for Board Member meetings. Do this for her benefit and not yours. Mention it once and no more.
If not, then realize it is YOUR huge trigger and it is abnormal behavior and do not take it out on her. This is for YOU to deal with. You hear stories of jerk bosses? You could (not are but COULD as I don’t know your company’s situation) be near the line.
@CairoCarol, I’m with you here. In my experience, adults don’t announce their upcoming birthdays unless they are asking for the day off, or they expect to be celebrated. At the very least, it seems to show questionable judgment. Hopefully it was an anomaly.
Q.E.D.
I gotta stop posting in this thread, as entertaining as I’m finding it, because I don’t have anything new to say - I’ve said my piece several times already, I think. Just one thing …
…is not what I did. I posted immediately after getting home, so about 2 hours later. Not after “stewing for days,” which I have no intention of doing. I’d have already probably mostly forgotten about it (it’s now about 20 hours later) except that I made this thread. Which has been fun and helpful to read, so I don’t regret doing so.
(A small amendment, though - I did say in the OP that it would take me a few days to get over it. That was hyperbole, for the simple reason my memory is too poor to support that level of fuming.)
So random aside. It seems to me the employees behavior is “inappropriate” in the traditional sense of the word.
Its not bad or offensive, its just not really what you’d expect someone to announce at the end of the board meeting.
Its just we’ve become used to using “inappropriate comment” as a euphemism for saying something awful (something racist, sexist, or homophobic). This is none of those things, its the dictionary definition of “inappropriate” though, as in something that is not appropriate to be announcing in a board meeting, but it seems well I guess inappropriate to label it an “inappropriate comment”.
It’s been a few years since I’ve seen anyone on the internet making a post about dripping privilege. I get the impression that the OP would have been equally mortified had a board member made the same birthday comment as she admitted this was a particular peeve of hers. While I’m a fan of privelege theory, it can be a difficult sell to people who never encountered it in college and are a bit hung up on the world privilege. “Privilege? We grew up poor, we didn’t have privilege.” Privilege theory works when looking at the aggregate of social interactions, but isn’t always as usual when you dig down deeper and examine each interaction more closely.
This is true - actually, I would have been more horrified. Her excuse is that she’s still new and doesn’t know our culture so well yet. No one else would have that excuse - of course, they’d never say something like that because, well, that’s not how we roll.
It seems a narrative is being constructed that I am higher up in the office hierarchy and am pissing down on a subordinate. Nothing could be further from the truth - she just happens to be my assistant, because I needed one and she had the best credentials, but I don’t consider her below me in the organization at all. We have a horizontal organizational structure to a fault! Everything is collaborative. I defer to her in areas where I think she has more experience than me.
And, as I may have mentioned above, she was actually the best-paid person in the room because she’s working for the money and we had to pay her more in order to bring her on. The rest of us are there because we love the mission, and we either rely on savings, second jobs, or not minding being poor in order to manage.
You started this thread stating you were unreasonably outraged about this person’s behavior. A lot of people don’t have the self-awareness to even consider whether their feelings are reasonable given the situation. Kudos to you for that. It’s not as if you threatened kick her legs or burn down her dog or something.
I am outraged by the lack of anything to be outraged about in the OP.