Teach me to pick up chicks. Men's & Women's opinions wanted.

In My Humble Opinion
21

As said before, don’t go out with the intention of picking up a girl. Make your rounds be confident, pleasant, upbeat, light, and funny, remember these people are out for a good time. Don’t ask for a date unless things just go extremely well. If it’s a place she comes to fairly often show up a couple of times and if you see her, initiate another conversation. After a few nights of this ask for her number, if she’s interested go for it, if not, you have a buddy at the new place.

There is always the second approach, show no shame. Go up to any woman you find attractive and start up conversation. You said no pick up lines and thats probably a good idea. Be flirty but not aggressive, above all else though be confident.

22

Problems: I’ve always made friends with girls: upshot is that I’ve got tonnes of girls who are friends but no girlfriend.

And babys and puppys don’t work.

23

Since you don’t innately have the knack, or you wouldn’t be on a chat board asking such a question, you gotta learn about it.

Go to Amazon and do a search for some of the following titles.

That’s just a quick search done in Amazon. Feel free to do your own. You could probably fill a library with all that has been written on this subject.

Or if you’re a total cheapskate, go to Maxim Online and peruse their site. I recall them having a section on tips for meeting women.

Personally, I’ve only read some of one of those books. My impression of it is that the authors (of this particular title) are pretty much slimeball players out to add notches in their bedposts. However, they do know what women find attractive and what they don’t. So, take their knowledge and use your powers for good not evil.

24

Believe it or not, I can add something.

You are the man. Work with me here a moment. Stop laughing, OK?

By that, I mean, you are the man, when you are asked to make a decision: MAKE IT.

Her: “Where do you want to go eat?”

His: “Oh, I don’t know. Where do you want to go?”

This is incorrect. She didn’t want to get into a discussion. She wants to eat. Feed her. Make the decision. If you’re uncomfortable deciding, offer a choice.

Her: “Where do you want to go eat?”

His: “I like (choice 1) or (choice 2). What do you like?”

Her: “Either one is fine.”

His: “All right. (Choice 1) it is.”

Her: “Great! Can I go down on you first?”

See how easy it is?

Now that I’m married and safely (and gratefully) out of the pool, I get to listen to my wife, her sister, her friends talk about men, and while dealing with the trogladytes they laugh at, what really spins them up are men who can’t make a freakin’ decision .

25

Try to figure out what the girl you want to approach is thinking. It’s not that hard. Really. Look at the circumstances. If she’s looking at her watch standing at a bus stop, say something to the effect “Them buses sure take a while, eh?” If she’s shivering, say “It sure is cold!”

If you manage to synch into her thoughts successfully, she will smile at you. And that’s a good thing.

The approach part is done. Take the conversation from there.

26

If all else fails, and I know this isn’t helpful, but beer goggles work great. Drink enough and any pull is a good pull.

Hmm regressing back to my teenage years there for a moment.

Seriously, believe in yourself, like yourself and other people will too.

Merrin

27

Be gentle, try not to break their wings or twist their necks, and whatever you do, don’t step on them. They make a really nauseating crunchy sound under your feet.

28

Perhaps I wrong in useing the term “pick-up chicks”. Thinking about it that sounds like I am just looking to find random girls to sleep with. That isn’t at all me. What i guess I really want to know is “How do I meet women?” I am not the type to just go out and sleep with chicks. I am more looking for a way to attract decent women with the intention of starting a relationship. I understand that you can’t go into a first date with the intention of a long term relationship or marrige and that never is my intention. My problem is getting that first date. In the past I have never really had a problem hooking-up once I get a girl out on a date. So really it’s just a matter of getting that date that is the problem. Just thought I’d clarify.

29

They can smell fear!

30

Three words:

Lick your eyebrows.

31

Ah!

So, you want to meet women, not specifically “pick them up”? This is slightly different. First, you’ve gotta screw-up your courage to the sticking point and open your mouth. I realize that for the terminally shy (I was, once, and I know!), it’s hard to say that first “hello”.

Comment on on something non-personal, that you both obviously have in common. The weather is always a stand-by, but is kinda over-done. Maybe the wait for the buss? Or if you’re at work, the recent changes in the office decor? You get the idea. If she responds at all, introduce yourself. Do not give your life history, just your name. If she’s interested, or at least not totally turned off, she’ll give you her name. Ask her opinion on the subject you raised, and try to keep the conversation focused around her. If she wants to know more about you, she’ll ask.

Don’t push, don’t pry, and keep it light. Stay away from potential hot-button topics at first: If she wishes to discuss Femminism in the Post-Modern Era, she’ll let you know.

Be prepared to back off. If you start getting mono-syllabic answers, gracefully excuse yourself. Forcing an unwanted conversation is a sure-fire way to be labeled a ‘creep’, while a graceful exit should leave you a chance to try again later. After all, maybe she was thinking about something else, or had a bad morning.

Don’t over-stay your welcome. Rambling on and on will turn most women completely off.

Don’t dwell on yourself. Most people find that boring, even if you’re a super-hero. It she wants to know about you, she’ll ask. Until she does, keep the conversation on her (without getting creepy).

Boldness sometimes pays off unexpectedly. If she smells nice, ask her the name of her purfume or cologne. Tell her that like the way it smells on her. If she’s dressed in a manner that you particularly like, tell her so (Don’t get graphic!). Women like to be complimented, as long as you don’t lay it on with excessive thickness. Remember: There’s a fine line between Blarney and Baloney.

If it feels silly, keep trying: Fake it until you make it.

Before all else, be yourself, and let the girl be herself.

32

You and I are in a similar position. I did not develop these social skills in high school because I was not interested (read: too immature), and I was in a serious, committed relationship for just about 5 years once I hit college.

So here I am, age 24, with No. Fucking. Clue.

So I will share with you the best advice I have heard to date.

If you are trying to jump back into the pool and are having trouble making random contact with attractive women, then stop. Do it gradually. Strike up a random conversation with the elderly lady behind you at the grocery store. Talk to the stoner clerk at the video place. Say something nice to a random person on the subway.

You will find that the more you are able to do this, the less nervous you will be when you finally approach that girl you are interested in meeting. Furthermore, regular, friendly contact with random strangers hones your perception. You start seeing things about other people that can serve as fodder for casual talk.

So just do this for awhile. Get in the habit of being friendly. You will actually enjoy the good vibes you get from people. Sure, it’s not the same thing as having a girlfriend, but when that marvelous woman crosses your path eventually, you will be cool, confident, poised, and perhaps most of all, perceptive.

Good luck.

MR

33

not that i would ever actually follow this advise, but the truth is:

money and drugs

that is all i have ever seen really work! sad but true…

“How perfectly Goddamn delightful it all is, to be sure!”- R. Crumb

34

money & drugs?

Not according to Nash:
Candy is Dandy
But Liquor is Quickor

You could add
“But pot is not”

Find the most beautiful hair cutter you can & have her cut your hair & you can talk to her then for
practice. Practice, not to ask her out.

35

On a different message board, full of modern-day Casanovas (okay, it was a Dungeons and Dragons messageboard, if you must know), the same topic came up. The best advice anyone gave apparently came from a movie; the poster called it the Tao of Steve.

The Tao of Steve had three parts. Lemme see if I can remember, and paraphrase:

1) Be desireless. This is what folks have talked about, and I’ve found it to be completely true. I’ve been in three relationships in my life, and all of them started when I wasn’t looking for a relationship. When I was looking, I got all frightened and desperate and nervous and clammy. Woo hoo, sexy boy! When I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I could be natural and wry and a little flirty without worrying about Whether This Could Turn Into Something Real. Be desireless.
2) Be excellent. Do something interesting, and do it well. You want people (specifically, attractive women) to notice you. You don’t need to be captain of the lacrosse team; I’ve been noticed for being a good cook, or for knowing cool little tidbits about the woods where I live. Don’t be afraid to share what you can do (at the same time, don’t flog your talents to death). Be excellent.
3) Be scarce. If you dance with someone and you take a step back, they take a step forward to compensate. If you keep stepping forward, they step back to compensate. You need to make sure that you give the other person a chance to step forward. Don’t always be around; don’t be clingy. Be scarce.

Anyway, these seemed like good ideas to me. #1 is the most important, I think.

Someone in that thread linked to some Men’s Rules for Dating site that was pretty terrible: it was all about Women Want This and Successful Men Do That. Crap, I say – and furthermore, I wouldn’t want to be involved with a woman who took things like that as gospel.

Daniel

36

Daniel
, have you read a book, THE RULES? Its small paperback, women actually think that stuff works.

37

I’ve heard of THE RULES, but I’ve not read it; frankly, what I’ve heard of it sounds repugnant to me.

I generally think that any sound relationship advice doesn’t make reference to gender (except for things like Wear a Condom, you Fool). Anything that starts with, “Women love it when…” or “Guys are turned off by…” pisses me off, just as I’d be pissed by a book with sentences like, “Black people really like…” or “You can tell if a Jew is interested because…”

Sure, things like THE RULES might get you into bed with someone. But probably not with anyone that I’d respect much. And I definitely wouldn’t have respected myself if I’d used a self-help book to start my relationship.

That’s why I liked the Tao of Steve advice: it deals with human psychology, not war-between-the-sexes psychology.

Daniel