I have never in my life been good at picking up girls. I never really had a need to learn to do so through high school (where most guys learn this skill) b/c I always had a steady girlfriend. Now I have been single for quite a long time b/c I don’t know how to approach women I don’t know. This is very frusterating to me and I would like any suggestions you brillant people of the SDMB have to offer. I don’t know how much it matters but I will in case it does I will tell you that I am 21 years old and currently live in Panama City, Fl. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I would like to ask that you don’t give me lousy pick-up lines b/c I’m really not the Pick-up line type. Thanks in advance.
Go out with your work friends, they must have friends that are single women. Organize a weekend cookout at your house and have them bring over single women they know.
Are you attending school?
Hang out at strip bars
Give waitresses really big tips
Wear cologne in your hair
These have never worked for me, but I always thought it would be funny if they did actually work for someone.
Do your own thing. Whatever you feel comfortable with. Well, that’s kinda why you wrote this, huh, you’re not comfortable. All I had to do was learn to push myself into situations I wasn’t otherwise comfortable with. This may not be what you had in mind, but you can choose going through uncomfortableness over going around it.
In any case, be yourself when you do find someone to consider. Talk about what you’re interested in, and fercrisesakes ask the girl some questions, even think of some things to ask her before hand. Spontaneous is great and all, but a few preliminary ideas never hurt.
No I am not attending school right now. I almost wish I was for the sole reason of meeting people. I don’t go out with my friends from work b/c I really don’t have any. I work pretty much alone during the night shift at work. I have tried to have my friends introduce me to thier single friends but all my friends have SO and don’t really have many single friends besides me. thanks for the advice though. I will keep these things in mind.
Go to bookstores, strike up conversations. I really hate to tell you to go to bars to meet women, because that really isn’t the best place (believe me, I’ve hung out in bars, and it isn’t the best place).
I don’t know what to say because I don’t know how outgoing you are, and what may be easy for me (striking up conversations) may not be easy for you. :\
Take one or two classes, on anything that strikes your fancy - poetry, or woodworking, or pottery, or whatever.
You don’t have to take a class for any other purpose than because it is a subject that interests you. Then, if you meet some nice girls there, you already have something to talk about. If you don’t meet any nice girls there, you still are attending a class about something that you are interested in. Sounds like a win-win situation.
I suggest the fireman’s carry.
On a lighter note, use every bit of humor you can muster. Women love men who can make them laugh.
And try, try, try not to look desperate. Flop-sweat will immediately count you out.
Drop terms like “pick up chicks” from your vocabulary…
Replace “pick up chicks” with: “Wanna dance?” Summer is rapidly approaching. Unless things have changed a great deal since I was single and living in Panama City, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to practice your lines. Good Luck!
I could tell you how not to do it. I was phenomenally unsuccessful. And, just for the record, I tried a lot of the above suggestions. I took classes, volunteered for things, tried to meet women outside of bars. Tried to meet women in bars. And none of my friends ever seemed to have any unattached female friends. I’ve tried personal ads and dating services.
Of course, I’m married now. Occasuionally a burst of luck helps, I guess. I met her at a science fiction convention, if that helps.
Lift with your legs, not with your back. Some chicks can be heavy.
See, trying to “pick up” women is a doomed exercise. Many women don’t respond well to being approached by strangers. Not because they are paranoid or anything, but because it’s obvious that a guy trying to pick them up is only attracted because of outward physical characteristics. If the woman in question is a) immediately physically attracted to you, and b) not put off by your approach and c) not seeing anyone and d) looking to meet someone, then you might have a chance. But how often are the planets gonna line up like that. (Unless you use the Boomhauer approach, which I would not recommend.)
Instead of trying to figure out how to pick up chicks, you should be trying to meet new people, try new things. If you get to know a nice girl and ask her out on a date, then that’s a bonus.
But if you are not interested in meeting new people, and really only want to pick up chicks, then I guess I do recommend the Boomhauer approach.
Have you tried a club?
Or, “Hey, sugar, I’m on the Olympic Sex Team. Want to help me practice for the gold?”
But seriously ladies and germs . .
First off, I am assuming you are a half way decent looking fellow. If not, make sure that physically, you are someone that at least some women would be interested in.
You can’t change your face on the cheap (and actually, many women are turned on by ugly but otherwise hot men), but major turnoffs for women are being overweight, dressing like a slob, facial hair (goatees are fine), being a drunk (though pot works on a lot of girls your age), cursing, being crude, and basically carrying yourself like a loser or on the other end, someone who is arrogant.
So, make sure you have your act straightened out,. Get out of the tee-shirts and baseball hats, and get a stylish haircut. Read up on the latest fashions, and even when dressing casually, you can still look like a million bucks. Workout. Many women are turned off by muscleheads, but of you can at least get some rips going, you turn heads.
Now, picking up girls: don’t try. Make friends, male or female. Get involved in an activity that you would enjoy, but you know some women are in as well. Mens softball wont get you chicks, but perhaps volunteering with a church or with a youth group working with kids will score tons of poomtang.
Back to freinds-Preferably female, even if you have no interest in them, and this is why: the more female freinds you have, chances are, one of them will get jealous and want to date you.
But if you go out socially, dont go with your tongue hanging out, and your eyes bulging out of your head. Instead, go there with the goal of successfully mingling (might want to take some books out on “working the room”). If you give off some charisma, and come across as a good guy, eventually women will notice you as a guy they want to be with.
Another good book I reccomend is “How to Make Luck”. It wont teach you to pick up chicks, but will give you some skills that will not only better your life, but will attract success, and certainly banging hot broads is part of that I’m sure.
In a nutshell, make yourself into someone that women want to have hot monkey love with and that dudes want to hang with becuase it makes them look cool.
Listen to your uncle Vinnie, son, and you will get more pussy than you can dig with a shovel!
How best to “pick up chicks”? Don’t try.
Seriously. I’m firmly of the belief that women can smell desperation. So don’t try. Instead, get to know women. Talk to them, be helpful and friendly. Get a life that doesn’t revolve around a quest for a “Significant Other”. I’m also firmly of the opinion that women find relaxed, friendly, self-confident, helpful men to be desirable.
The main drawback (if it is one, that is) to this approach is that the women that want to date you will be looking for longer-term relationships. You may find yourself getting engaged, or maybe even (Shock! Horror!) getting married.
Agreed with Tranquilis about desperation being a turnoff - I have never had such luck finding men who were interested in me as when I was already dating someone. My best guess is that I just seemed more relaxed and self-confident that way, rather than (probably not even consciously, on my part) sizing them up and being concerned about if the guy liked me or not. It sounds counterproductive, but don’t go out with the intent of “picking up” a woman. Try to just be a decent, friendly guy who wants to have some fun by going to movies, participating in activities, etc.
There’s some real good advice here, the ones I would focus on are:
Appearance - make the effort to look nice
Desperation - very unattractive, you are worth going out with, don’t forget it
Make Friends - when you talk to a woman, don’t focus on getting in the sack, or setting up the marriage, just make friends
If you can get these things down, you’ll be a whole lot ahead of me.
Vinnie Virginslayer is a clearly a man of wisdom in these matters. Who else could offer such sage advice intermingled with phrases like “banging hot broads”? Seriously, listen to what he said. Cool haircut is a must. Work out – even if there’s no obvious physical difference, it does increase confidence. Improve your wardrobe, if you’re wearing t-shirts and baseball caps.
But the number one single most important thing is confidence. As people have said, that usually means trying to meet women in places where you’ll be comfortable (e.g. bookstores, church groups, etc.) instead of places where you’re already intimidated (bars, dance clubs, etc.)
I would add that it also means changing your perspective a bit. If you ask someone out and they decline, you are far cooler than if you didn’t ask anyone. A week in which I asked out three people was a good week, because I was taking chances and living life, not sitting at home too scared to make a move. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out, and you should focus on that if you’re rejected, not on why you didn’t succeed with that particular person.
So approach someone with a friendly, “what the heck?” attitude. Talk to them, flirt a bit, gently inquire if they might like to do something some time (e.g. coffee). If they say no, grin and thank them. You’ll be surprised at how often this works.
And finally, never forget:
- Women like to be asked out, even if they’re not interested. It’s a compliment. You’re doing a good thing, just by asking.
- There’s a lot more guys who aren’t making moves than guys who are. Many women who seem way too hot for you aren’t dating anybody, because guys aren’t asking.
Well, don’t call them ‘chicks’ for starters, they aren’t chickens.
Borrow a: cute puppy, kitten, or baby. These are big magnets.
Try to dress & look nice, without your pants down around your knees.
There are also online dating websites- those broads are easy pickings
novacaine, I don’t have much to add, but the fact that you are asking about this seems like a good start to me. I wish you luck, and hope that you pay as much attention to the women you are interested in as you do to the answers given here.