Suppose I’m a single male, not looking for a relationship at the moment; I just want to get laid tonight. I want to walk into a bar alone, pick out a woman I find reasonably attractive or better, and take her back to her place or mine.
What works?
Come on! Betray your own sex! It’s fun!
Reason I ask: I was reading this Wikipedia article on the “seduction community” and I notice all the books seem to be written, all the seminars run, by men. I’m not much familiar with this stuff except from a recent episode of CSI I saw where a murder at a seduction-cult party was being investigated. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t. But it occurs to me that even if these guys know what they’re talking about, women should be a much more reliable source of sound advice on the subject – provided they can be trusted to tell the truth about it, and Doper women can, I’m so sure.
I also notice from that CSI episode, and from the general tone of this business as described in the Wiki article, that this business as taught/practiced seems to involve a lot of bullshit – lies, coldly calculated emotional manipulation, etc., etc. And I really, really hate bullshit. Hate talking it, hate encountering it, hate its very existence. Hate misogyny, too, and some of this stuff (some of you will say, all of it) seems misogynistic in tone. (It is possible to pursue women as short-term sex objects and still respect them – isn’t it? Getting into GD territory there . . .) So, is there any more, well, honest way to go about it, that actually works? (Other than paying for it, I mean.)
Well, I suppose finding a woman who’s interested in “hooking up”. From what I gather, about 1 in 10 women are into that sort of thing so just ask 10 women if they want to hook up and # 10 will be a winner. This is what my mom’s, friend’s brother used to do at grocery stores in the middle of the day, and apparently he had pretty good success.
You know, this is actually probably the right answer. Some women are out because they want some guy to pick them up and take them home. Most bars and clubs have some of those girls in them every night. You just have to be nice to the right one.
I also think being funny, well-groomed, polite, and acting interested without coming off as a sleaze or a serial killer would work too. But if you just want to go home with someone for a one-shot, I think alice is right-- the girl has to be up for it that day. Look for eye contact, smiling, etc. Then talk to her and hope for the best.
**alice ** and **rubystreak ** are right. Nothing will work if the woman in question isn’t up for it, and if she is, then it shouldn’t be much work at all.
Be attractive, be friendly, and be honest. Some woman is looking to get laid tonight, and it may as well be with you.
That depends on your definition of respect, but it’s **definitely ** possible to pursue women for short-term sex without disrespecting them.
People, both men and women, don’t know or don’t want to admit what they really want. Thats why its better to listen to someone with proven success with the opposite sex rather than the men or women you are trying to attract. Not that im advocating their techniques, from a cursory glance at that link it sounds pretty sleazy. I’m just saying you ask the lion for hunting advice, not the gazelle.
While I personally would have never, ever, engaged in such sordid behavior, remember that the female of the species can be rather unpredictable. You can clean up, dress up, hit the hottest club in town with $100 bills pasted to your forehead, and spend a lonely, lonely night at home after the clubs close. Other times, you can pop into a local dive with your work clothes on for a quick drink, with no amorous intention whatsoever and some outrageous, slinky single and un-attached belly-warmer will be all over you whispering “I wanna be with you tonite slugger…” Go figure.
Dear BG ,Here are some techniques i have tried with some(very little) success. Pick up lines:
If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? Hey I’m looking for a partner for the global orgasm for peace movement ,the Solstice is in 20 minutes ,wanna come? Hey babe,didn’t we make love, with wild abandon at the drive in, back in high school?
Hi you know I’m in massage school trying to get certified and I need to put in 20 hours of practice every week.Would you like to … Hey have you ever explored the Toaist art of love?It beats the Kama Sutra hands down!
Fah. Of course the lion will be all over impressed with himself having caught a gazelle. He’ll go brag to all the other lions about what a lionish lion he is. Meanwhile the gazelles will be off giggling at him and mourning poor ol’ Maude who was just about done for anyway.
I seriously doubt that all these swordsmen have managed other than to locate women who are actually out for a bit of it but who put up a great show of reluctance the better to win Mr. Lion over.
johnny hempseed you must’ve had the good fortune to luck into women who’d had long dry spells to have any success at all with all that corn The most you’d get from me with any of those is a groan and a rapid departure.
I want to walk into a bar alone, pick out a woman I find reasonably attractive or better, and take her back to her place or mine.
I’ve no reliable data to back this up, but as a general rule you want to be out with your buds - say, 3 or 4, and possibly meet and greet with a similar sized gaggle of babes. For a number of reasons, you don’t want to be solo on your endeavor here.
This is kind of a moot point and/or an item of academic curiosity at the moment, but assuming I was kind of unattached and despite being a male wanted to be the gazelle, where would I go to find the lionesses, and how best to increase the odds that I will be approached with a pickup/seduction technique?
Here’s the kicker (at least as far as the OP is concerned); he’s not willing to go home with just any woman, but one that he finds “reasonably attractive or better”. His success using the shotgun approach will clearly depend on his definition of attractive and his flexibility thereof as the evening progresses, but I think his underlying question isn’t “How do I get a woman to have sex with me?”, but “How do I get Bachelorette #2 to want to have sex with me?”
If you read the advice of the seduction community–and it is my shame to admit that I have–you realize that they can, in fact, manipulate a woman who has little or no initial interest in having sex with our hero into going home with him. However, the claimed high rates of success are based upon careful selection of suitable candidate populations, i.e. they set their sights on women with self-esteem or dependence issues and use those as a wedge to make the woman feel inadequate and needing to prove herself.
For instance (and I’m not recommending that you try this at home, but you’re all adults) one popular technique is to approach a gaggle of women, get their attention, pass off some slight toward the most attractive of the bunch, and then procede to ignore her while engaging her friends. Human nature being what it is, Attractive Girl is pissed and confused that the Ugly Friend–I’m sorry, she’s not ugly, I mean Homely Friend, she’s homely–is getting all the attention, and so starts competing and primping. The more the guy ignores her, the more of a challenge it is, until she’s willing to throw herself at him just on the principle of the matter. Now, this sounds really stupid, and clearly anybody who realized what was going on and why would ignore our hero right back (or better yet, manipulate him into getting all excited and then blow him off with a wave of the hand–hey, turnabout is fair play), but of course most of the girls who hang out in clubs are not so self-aware or capable of analyzing their own social processes.
Since bars and clubs combine limited verbal communication, a lack of coherent purpose, a “high energy” spontaneous social environment, flaw-concealing dimness, and of course alcohol, they’re an ideal playing field for this sort of thing. The same technique can work in other places, but generally with somewhat less effectiveness, and I daresay is scarcely works at all in a situation like an activity club where people have a purpose in being there and will tend to take an insult as, well, as a personal offense. There are other techniques that may work better in those environments–I’m no expert–but ultimately preying on someone’s weaknesses is not the basis for any kind of extended relationship, however casual. You can’t really respect someone that you manipulate, and you can’t help but be resentful of someone who yanks your chain all the time.
Is it “wrong” to push the buttons of someone who is easily manipulated in order to get laid? On some level, they’re willing to do what they do, manipulation or no, because it’s what they want to do. It satisfies some need, even if its an unhealthy need. And assuming that we’re talking about an adult who is sufficiently sober to give consent and isn’t otherwise under duress, it’s not really your place to fix or modify the behavior of strangers. She’s probably going to go home with someone tonight, and as a (female) friend of mine says, if you’re going to give her a good time and keep her safe, it might as well be you. On the other hand, if you’re a well-adjusted human being with an appropriate level of empathy, manipulating people to make them do what you want them to do is naturally and reasonably a little unseemly. The breakpoint is wherever it balances out between satisfying and creepy for you, but there’s always a certain lack of disclosure and testing of responses in any initial relationship with anyone.
Now, this isn’t to say that there aren’t perfectly healthy, well-balanced, attractive ladies who are interested in a quick zipless thing to suit their own needs and interests, and in such a case, walking up and striking a conversation is probably your best opening line. You’ll either meet her critieria or you won’t, and aside from remaining reasonably sober and not saying or doing something blatantly offensive there’s little you can do to change that. There are, if you listen to the neurolinguistic programming crowd, things you can say and body languages you can use to push somebody’s buttons, and there’s certainly something to that, but you’re not going to take some healthy, independent girl who has no interest in you and have her panting for you in spare minutes. (That is, unless you’re Daniel Craig, about whom every woman I’ve heard express an opinion seems totally entranced. However, I’m assuming that the OP is not, in fact, in contention for the role of James Bond should something unfortunate happen to Craig and therefore has to work with whatever native charms and talents he has at his disposal.)
Mind you, this is all delivered from a strictly objective, academic point of view. I don’t hang out at bars picking up women, and in fact, I generally suck at meeting people in social situations, especially ones where there’s some tangible payoff if I manage not to fuck it up. Interacting with people and “picking up” women isn’t something you’re going to learn out of a playbook, and there are no magical pickup lines that cause women to drop their panties for you; a good portion of this is practice and the experience that comes from failure, along with sincere empathy (or the ability to fake it) tempered by a willful self-interest (i.e. your mental dialogue is “I’m going to get laid tonight, and if it ain’t you I’m going to move onto the next candidate.”) Personally, I find casual one-night hookups to be kind of skivvish unless there’s some kind of instant connection that’s deeper than just a mutual instinctive desire to exchange body fluids, so it ain’t my game. (Apparently, neither is actual dating, but that’s a story for another thread.)
So…play nice and don’t hurt anybody, and realize that you’re going to fail more than you succeed, especially if you wish to avoid intentional manipulation and exploitation of ingrained emotional flaws. And just like in martial arts where there are “Instant Death Nerve Strikes”, there are also no “Instant Sex Pickup Lines”. Don’t pay good money for that crap.
I would suggest a church singles group. Women generally outnumber men, sometimes significantly. The lionesses will not pounce quickly, but sooner or later all gazelles in my social circle got parcelled out. I dragged one home, myself. On the downside for you, perhaps, these gazelles usually no longer have the run of the field after they’ve been gotten.
Of all the lines above, back in the day I might have considered the massage line. It would depend how many hours of massage he had left before the end of the week, and whether it was Friday or Saturday night.
Just try to look cute and then ask that question of every woman you talk to. If a sufficiently cute guy asked me that I’d lioness him alright.
I’ve looked at some of the “how to secduce women” things and as a female I have to admit that they’re funny. It’s like something for guys who reek of shame to use to try and disguise their reek of shame. It’s very elaborate, like written instructions on how to swim. And probably equally useless. You just have to be confident and unashamed and then cast a wide net. Nobody’s ever picked me up at a grocery store. To be honest now I’m distracted by this whole gazelle/lioness scenario and can’t picture lions at the grocery store because my mind’s on gazelles and I really don’t know whose best interests I’m thinking of any more.
I just keep imagining gazelles leaping across the store, over aisles and aisles of canned food, maybe knocking over a few boxes of Rice Krispies or Campbell’s Soup with their rear hooves. I see the lions pacing the front and back of the store, waiting for the gazelles to stop… freaking… BOUNCING.
Or she’s excited that her friend has met somebody interesting?!?! Seriously - does this work with any but the most shallow, lame, STUPID women on the planet? Jeezo-Pete - who are these nasty skanks you’re hanging out with anyway?
The most you’d get from me with any of those is a groan and a rapid departure.
