Inspired by this thread about what men think about women who make the first move.
I’ve never made the first move, aside from smiling, flirting, doing the one-eyebrow-raised checking-him-out thing, etc. (Although once I get to know a guy, I can be pretty bold.) So the idea of making the first move is a little foreign. How does one approach the cute/sexy/hot guy whose name you don’t even know? Say the cute guy you see regularly at the coffee shop, the gym, a store, etc. but who you don’t know at all. Do you give him your number/email address? Do you introduce yourself? Do you tell him you think he’s cute/sexy hot?
BTW, for all those Dopers who know I have a boyfriend, this is purely hypothetical research.
Ask him for help. Directions/guidance/opinion/“can you reach that shelf?” etc., etc. If all goes well this will lead to a conversation–which you will have to initiate because a lot of guys are clueless and will assume you really did just actually need his help for a moment–during which you can say, “Thanks so much! Can I buy you a cup of coffee or something?”
If he’s interested, he’ll take you up on it, or exchange digits with you or whatever; if he’s not, he’ll politely decline and brag to all his buddies that you tried to pick him up. (Guys feel just as flattered as girls do. They just pretend otherwise.)
Either way at least you tried.
Btw, one of my girlfriends goes an even more direct route; if she’s in a bar, she’ll buy whatever it is the guy is drinking, walk up to him and say, “I noticed you could use another beer. Hi, I’m Natasha!”
If you’re in a supermarket, though, I can’t see the same theory working. “I noticed you were buying bananas! Look, I bought you another pound of 'em! I’m Natasha!”
But I guess you could always seize the same spirit and just walk up to a guy and tell him honestly that you think he’s attractive and would he like to grab a coffee or a drink with you or whatever. Takes more cajones, but faint heart never won fair guy.
And even if he’s in a relationship, or you’re not his type, you’ll still have made his day. Trust me.
This reminds me of the Dave Barry column where he talks about all those cover stories from Cosmopolitan – “Using a complex technique to turn a man on is like giving fine French cuisine to a Labrador Retriever.” It’s not necessary – guys will respond to obvious interest.
Please note my use of “obvious”. When I was dating, I was totally oblivious to small “signals”. At least, so I’ve been told. My wife tells me I still am. So if you make some finessed move to signal your interest and he doesn’t respond, don’t be put off – you could be doing the equivalent of whispering to someone who’s hard of hearing. But an unmistakable sign of interest will certainly get picked up. And, judging from the other thread, you’re not likely to scare mosdt of them off.
That made me laugh! I don’t know what I would say if a girl named Natasha said that while handing me a pound of banannas. It wouls sure get my attention!
Crap! I just realized that the stockgirl at Wild Oats was flirting with me last night, instead of (pointlessly) asking if I needed help…with mushrooms. Moron. :smack:
I never pick up on this stuff, and even when I do, I never know how to respond. :rolleyes:
Perhaps you could introduce me to your friend. I think I need someone that blunt.
Actually, you’d have shocked and/or confused the hell out of me…but not in a bad way.
[thread=302933]Here’s[/thread] a somewhat recent thread on a similar topic. Perhaps you can glean a few nuggets of wisdom from it.
Oh, and CalMeacham, I love the sig. Now I’m imagining Harrison Ford walking off with Rutger Hauer into the rainy night saying, “Roy, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
“Hi. I’m Boris! Let’s have a few more beers and go play with Moose and Squirel.”
Seriously. Guys are easy. Just show some interest and we’re immediately smitten. Even if we aren’t immediately attracted to you we’re flattered beyond capacity of reasonable thought. Our brains go into a kind of hyper stuppor and the dumbest things come out of our mouths for the remainder of the conversation.
I know because it just happened to me today. A woman at work said that I have few fans at the office. Some women were asking her who that “new hot guy” is that works near her office. What did I say in response?.. “They probably meant one of the other guys.” :smack: I’m the only new fucking guy in the place!!! :rolleyes: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:
I actually had a girl (named Natasha) casually drop a remark to me that I was an attractive guy. It took a few hours before I was able to do the math and get down to some serious necking.
A more blunt approach would be unseemly…but novel enough to work anyway. I’m a decent fellow who just doesn’t have time for “games.” If you want me, say that you do and what you want me for–I’ll appreciate your making it easy for me and you’re likely to have a much more fulfilling relationship with me. The male mind just isn’t efficient at picking up the variety and quantity of clues that the more subtle women like to drop. Oh, we can gather the clues and put them together, but that can take days or months. If you’re that patient, drop the clues and enjoy the show. Otherwise I’d suggest grabbing me by the ears, staring me in the face and saying, "You’re cute, let’s talk/walk/eat/screw/wrestle…whatever.
It was from a Letterman Top Ten List. To be honest, it would work on me (provided the woman was someone I’d be interest in).
Much of my minimal success w/ women has been from them being the first mover. The simplest and most effective thing is to just ask the guy out. One girl asked me where I worked when I met her at a bar and then showed up the next day to ask me to a movie. Another I met for five minutes, then an hour later she got my number from a friend and called and asked me to go to the bar for a beer that night. Another time I left a party and this girl just started walking along side me and walked with me back to my house and up onto the roof where we watched the stars.
A lot of guys are shy, especially w/ women they think are amazing. I’ve seen the most confident, outgoing guys crumble before a great woman. I’ve only managed to ask out only a handful of girls in my whole life. Based on my limited experience, I think the most important part may be making the process quick, and the step from asking out to going out as short as possible.
If you just want to pick up a guy, I’d say to position yourself near him and say “hey, how’s it goin’?” Voila. I think not having a line would be better because it is ambiguous; if he’s shy, he won’t get so nervous; if he doesn’t like women being the first mover, you’re just chatting to a warm body within ear shot; if he thinks he’s god’s gift, you’re not giving him encouragement.
Being clumsy, in my experience, seems to attract guys. I’m a bit clumsy so I know. I find that weird, but it seems to appeal to a lot of men. Maybe it’s Sandra Bullock Syndrome or something.
Like most guys, I respond best to subtle clues - so long as they’re delivered with a sledgehammer. Early in my career days some of the older ladies in my office nicknamed me “Babe Magnet”. Not because I had much success with the wimmens, oh no, but because when a cutie did “send me vibes” I would never, ever pick up on the clues. I was always the last in the office to know when someone was interested in me, which brings up 2 questions:
Why are guys clueless?
Why did the older ladys always wait so long to clue me in?
A friend of mine met her husband by just walking up to him and saying “Movie. 8 o’clock tonight. Be there. You’re buying.”
Might seem unsubtle, but a lot of guys need that sort of hand-holding. Hell, I’m still piecing together clues from high school, and that was over a dozen years ago. A hot babe could shriek “I WANT YOUR BABIES, SLORTAR!” (at me, of course), tear off all her clothes and jump me and I still wouldn’t get it.
