—If this is in the wrong section, please move it. Newbie here, apologies.—
Ok, so straight to the point - here’s my problem.
At work, there is a guy that I really like. I don’t work with him - he’s a customer that comes in every day.
My problem is that I don’t know if he is involved with someone - or if he is, how involved he is. I don’t tend to make the first move anyway, but that is a definite stumbling point for me.
So, my plan is to get him to make the first move (if he’s interested, obv.) We are on friendly speaking terms, but I have absolutely no clue as to what I should initialize a conversation about.
Anyway, to conclude: Any advice on the above would be great and What’s a gal gotta do to get a guy to notice her?
and what are the signs if he is interested in me?
So basically, you’d like to flirt with him and see how he reacts? (Meaning that if he’s involved with someone or otherwise not interested, he won’t respond too warmly.) Talk to him about what he did over the weekend or the previous night, that kind of stuff. It’s a good conversation opener for people who are relating to each other professionally anyway. There’s no innuendo or pressure - just a normal conversation.
If he talks about doing things that you find interesting, let him know. Smile, but don’t force a smile. Any guy would appreciate a friendly conversation, and more pleasant and egregious you appear, the more likely he’d pick up on it and act on it - if he’s interested and available, that is.
What you want to avoid is coming on too strong - like, say, stripping naked in front of him or engaging in salacious talk. You don’t know how people will react to stuff like that. You could get a favorable reaction, but you could also screw up the whole deal - not to mention your job.
See, that could work - it all depends on what kinda stuff you’ve talked about so far. If you’ve been sticking to the weather and the latest royal scandal, that’s one thing; if you’ve been kindasorta flirting anyway, that’s another.
“Gee, you don’t look so good,” SJSB said consolingly. “Did you have a rough night?” She put her arms on the counter and rested her chin in her hands. “Wanna tell me about it?”
SJSB put her hand on the shoulder of his rain-soaked macintosh. “Aw, wassamatter?” she cooed. “Some cat got your tongue?” She waggled her eyebrows lasciviously.
Ask him questions! Like what did he do this weekend, or last night. Ask him if he’s seen the latest movie, or eaten at a certain restaurant. Get him to talk about himself, and if he says stuff like, “We went to such-and-such…” then he’s likely not available. But it shows you have interest in him, without being too obvious.
Ok, I think we need a bit more info… do you currently say much more than ‘hi’? If you’re currently talking to him for more than a sentence, what does it tend to be about? How long are you and he together? Are there many other people about? Does he come across as the shy type, or outgoing?
Thanks to both Dolores and Dan - I am paying attention to all this, y’know!
xerxes, we have had conversations before, but not in a personal context. It’s usuallly just work-related. He comes to me if there has been a fuck up with his paper bill, lol.
He doesn’t come across as shy particularly, but I just get the feeling that he knows I like him, and that He knows I know that he knows… so there you go. I think he’s waiting to see where I take this, but I don’t know how to go about it.
Intuition can be more accurate that you think - we’re all of us constantly giving away signals which are unconsciously picked up and somehow surface as a ‘feeling’…
I’d try what Dolores and dantheman said; try (without trying too hard) to slowly broaden the conversation. It doesn’t have to be done all at once. You’ll be able to gauge quite a lot from his replies. Start with inconsequential stuff and work from there. The trick to good conversation is to listen - take the exchange to where he wants it to go; a lot of people love talking about themselves, especially if they’ve got an attentive audience.
[sub]and let us know how it turns out - we’re almost unbearably nosy here on the boards…[/sub]
All good advice. As a guy, I don’t necessarily want to be flirted with in an obvious way at the beginning - it’s fun, but not all that…classy, I guess?
But if a woman engages me in conversation and I find myself interested in talking - the longer I talk, the more likely I will find myself checking her out - it’s a natural Man thing to do.
Ask him a question - if you know what he likes to do with his time already (e.g., golf, sports, collecting antiques, music, whatever) ask him about that. If you don’t know, ask him “so, when you’re at a cocktail party, what would you be talking about if you got accused of boring someone to death?” (in other words, what are you so passionate about that you lose yourself in it when talking about it?)…
guys love talking about themselves and their passions. Get him going and see a few things:
does he engage?
do you like and/or care about the things he does?
do you like his conversational style?
does he ask you questions in return?
If you have those types of conversations over the course of a few days, you will end up with plenty of time for him to start thinking about you. Then check body posture and language - does he check himself out or adjust his appearance while talking to you? If so, he is thinking about you in that sort of way. Lunch or drinks should be an easy question away after that…
Thanks everyone - I’ll be paying particular attention to Wordman’s advice and will definitely update on any progress.
Not going too well at the moment, but hopefully after these wise words, thinkgs will start looking up
Keep it coming…
Overt sexual advances always work on me. That’s more or less how my wife snagged me.
You could “accidentally” flash him. Or use the bad pickup lines guys use… like: “How bout we go for a pizza and a fuck?..What, you don’t like pizza?”
Okay, in all seriousness, the best thing to do might be to ask. The worst you’re gonna find out is that he’s involved and unavailable. But most guys find the idea of a girl being bold enough to make that first advance very refreshing. He may be secretly wishing you’d do just that.
You might get a “Sorry, I have a girlfriend/wife/boyfriend.” But is that so bad? You can’t say you didn’t try.
I’m just letting you know what would work on me, a pathetically typical guy.
