How not to pick up girls

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, I went grocery shopping today. (This story is one sentence old, and already it’s a cliché.) I am mumbling to myself about where the hell they put everything when they rearranged the entire store. There is a lady there, probably only ten or fifteen years younger than I, also looking over the shelves. She asks “What?” in that tone of voice that causes me to realize my muttering has been overheard.

“Sorry,” I say “I can’t remember where they keep the Ginko Biloba.” She laughs. She commiserates with me about how difficult it is to find everything. “I told them,” I say, “I would buy more, if I could find it!” She laughs again, heartily. We part company in the flow of shopping patterns, as I go up the aisle, she continues down.

Muzak plays Simon and Garfunkle’s “I Love You, Girl.” I sing along. I wander along the spice rack. “Well, you remember lyrics, don’t you?” says a voice. Same lady. I laugh. Small talk ensues.

This includes
Her: “Oh, my name is Elaine.”
Me: “My name is Michael.”
Her: “Oh, that means ‘The Chosen one.’”
Me: “Really? I was told it meant ‘Who is like God’. Heck of thing to tell a kid, by the way.”
Her: “Well, you are hardly a kid, now are you?” (This one comes with a bit of body language.)
Me: “No, but I was when I got the name.”
Her: “You’re trouble, aren’t you?”

So, small talk kinda dies out. I smile, she wanders off again. I go on shopping. Veggies, this time, shallots, and various mushrooms, asparagus. “You can cook, too?”

I look around. It’s Elaine.

Dawn breaks. The light penetrates my skull. This is flirting! I know it is! Wow! Hey, I bet the jokes weren’t really all that funny, huh?

So, the thing is, I have absolutely no idea what to do at that point. Had it been gourmet cooking advice she wanted, I would have probably ended up talking for hours, or hours on old time music, or whatever. But I don’t know about flirting. Eventually, she went home, I went home.

Now, my question is this. Is it likely that that lady has hurt feelings over my lack of response? I certainly did not wish to make her feel badly. I just don’t consciously flirt. I don’t think I was unconsciously flirting either, but I can’t be sure. I feel like a dumbass.

Tris

“I believe in general in a dualism between facts and the ideas of those facts in human heads.” ~ George Santayana ~

2

Never had it happen to me, so all the advice I can give you is (everybody together): “LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS, NOT YOUR BACK!”

I’d say from descriptions that I’ve heard that she could have been (if anyone flirts with me, I haven’t noticed it, either); but as reading threads on this subject will tell you, pretty much anything short of rape-on-the-spot[sup]TM[/sup] (metaphorically speaking, of course…to a point) can communicate ambiguous intentions. If you want some inexperienced advice, I’d say frequent the store; maybe she’s a regular and you’ll run into her again. I always like a second chance to break that ice for real, just in case the first chip was an accident.

(What the heck that means, I’ll never know; but it sounded profound in my head.)

3

I feel really sorry for you. Over the next week you’ll keep coming up with all the things you should have said. I know, I’m the same kind of person. BTW you’re right about the meaning of Michael, for whatever that’s worth. I hope you get to see her again!

4

This is the point when you should have known.

She’s probably not hurt. Maybe a little confused. Something that can be cleared up next time you see her. Although it’s a little ambiguous how it left off. You kinda give the impression you just stood there nodding and walked off. Too bad most women wont just go up and ask you out eh?

5

At this point, you offer to demonstrate your superior cooking abilities for her later that evening.

6

Man, that’s one of the worst feelings, when you realize that a woman was flirting with you and you blew it. If you ever see her again, I’d definitely try to get her phone number.

7

Ahhhh! The pain you will be seething in, thinking of everything you could have said.

For instance (as spooje mentioned, you could have said: “Why yes, I enjoy cooking. Say…(thoughtful pause), would you like to have dinner with me?”

Or as Borther said, the “you’re trouble…” was a cutsey thing her her to say. A disarming smile with twinkling eyes: “No, no…I’m no trouble,” followed immediately with a soft chuckle. “Say, would you like to get together/join me for a drink/dinner/some sex?”

It’s all about the disarming moment and the segue. Timing, timing.

'Course, I’m single, so what do I know?
[SUB]VB TAGS FIXED - UB[/SUB]

[Edited by UncleBeer on 06-15-2001 at 09:34 AM]

8

One other thing, you’ve got to be assertive but try not to be too bold…

:rolleyes: A little help here?

9

Wow, you must be kicking yourself. IMHO, you so had her. Oh well, maybe you’ll see her again at the same grocery. At least you can revel in the fact that a complete stranger found you interesting/funny/cute.

Since none of the other guys have, I feel I must take up the y-chromosome banner here and ask, “Was she hot?” :wink:

10

I’m with spooje, you should have offered to provide her with a demonstration at the time of her choice. She was SO flirting with you. Probably no hurt feelings on her part, just confused. If you see her again, definitely try to start a conversation again.

11

I read your story of inadvertant flirting and I immediatly felt a pang of sympathy. I am a man who needs signals in blazing neon.

I met a woman at a bar. She knew the person I was with and invited us over to her table. I spent the next hour talking with her cousin as I was too nervous to talk to her (I couldn’t make eye contact). She was one of the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Time passed and the woman, tired of my lack of communication with her, invited me to dance.

The dancing broke the ice and we chatted and laughed (and eventually necked) the entire night. At the end of the night I asked for her phone number (big-time move here). She had no pen so she wrote her name and phone # in 3 inch letters covering my right arm.

I agonized for three days wondering if I should really call her (didn’t know if she was interested…duh). Eventually I called and asked her out and now 5 years later we are getting married in less than a month.

Even with blazing neon signs I still almost missed the turn. So don’t feel bad for missing subtle ones. To all the women out there… be patient with us, eventually we figure it out.

12

Oh yeah. She was flirting big time. spooje and thinks have good comebacks…

Here’s a tip: Don’t ever, under any circumstances, try to pick up a woman by saying “Wow! You look just like Sean Lennon!” This is not a Good Thing in my book!

[sub]For the record, my response to that was “Do you pick up many women with that line? Cuz it’s sure not working for me!”[/sub]

13

'Course, once you realize she is actually flirting, you could drop her one of these to let her know what she’s in for. :smiley:

14

Thanks for the time and trouble of your replies. I suppose I might see her in the grocery again, or nearby. There are only a couple of hundred thousand women living near here.

I talked this over with a long time lady friend of mine this morning. She tells me this happens to me all the time.

Blink. Blink.

“No, no,” she insists. “I have watched women hitting on you with big clubs, and you just go on being charming. You don’t even brush them off. I thought you were mean until I figured out that you just don’t get it.”

Blink, blink.

Naaah. Couldn’t be. I’m fat, old, and ugly. Women don’t hit on fat old ugly guys.

Go figure chicks, huh? Excuse me while I wander off looking for where they keep the clues.

Tris

P. S. To Simetra: Attractive, yes, and gregariously vivacious. Perhaps a bit past hot, but the embers obviously still hold thier warmth, if a bit closer than once they might have burned.

“Ever notice that Soup For One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?” ~ Elayne Boosler ~

15

I had a similar incident…

I was in a bar with some co-workers. We were on our way out when I was approached by a young lady who needed a light for her cigarette. I handed her a book of matches with hardly a glance. She proceeded to tell me about how she had quit smoking and had bummed this one from a friend and blahblahblah. I wasn’t really paying attention. I’ve been asked for a light plenty of times.

She seemed to be having trouble actually getting the thing lit, so I took it from her, lit it, and handed it back, again with hardly a glance.

She put her hand on my forearm and said “Thanks. You’re very sweet.” With a stupid and completely unknowing smile, I thanked her and left. It hit me 10 minutes later that she might have been flirting with me.

Luckily, I’m happily married, so I never felt like I missed out on anything. I just felt a little dense. When I told my wife about it she said “Men are so stupid. Of course she was flirting!”

Ahh well. Just a little commiserating, kind of…

16

I’m sorry, Tris, but this thread gave me a little giggle. My husband is completely clueless about flirting. He doesn’t know when men are flirting with me, he doesn’t know when women are flirting with him, he doesn’t know when I’m flirting with men, and he doesn’t know when I’m flirting with him.

One time when we were still in college (not married yet), we were on our way to visit my parents. We stopped at a McDonald’s drive-thru for lunch in Walnut Ridge, Arkansas. The girl at the window was SO flirting with him. And it wasn’t the innocent kind either, that I don’t mind at all. She was hanging out the window into his car window shoving her chest in his face. So when we finished the transaction and were driving away, I said, “My gosh. Why didn’t she just crawl in and sit on your lap?” He’s just like, “What?” He is a terrible lier. Absolutely awful, so I know he was not putting me on. Plus he was not being more than polite to her. I actually had to explain to him what had just happened, about her body language and the things she was saying to him. We get to my folks and I start telling everyone about the slut in Walnut Ridge and how he didn’t even notice. I think my sister said, “Aw, he only has eyes for you.” My cousin’s husband starts congratulating him on the way he had me snowed. He got all flustered because he really hadn’t noticed.

I recommend that you assume every woman IS flirting with you unless she obviously is not.

17

My worst was 1991, over the summer at Physics camp. OK, not really camp, a bunch of highschool students get together and take university Physics over the summer. Lots of fun we stayed in the dorms. 3rd night I was sitting on the couch talking with this pretty girl from South Carolina. And she was going on and on about how nice it would be just to find somebody for the summer. And I nodded and agreed and eventually said “well, good night.” A few days later when it struck me she had already found somebody else, sigh.

18

I used to have an ‘I know when you’re flirting with me and when you’re not’ attitude. Then things started to go wrong. A girl I liked apparently wasn’t flirting, and she brushed me off. We’re now good friends, but it hurts some days, almost always.

So, now I assume that the girl isn’t flirting with me, unless I really pick up signals.

19

Triskadecamus, you know, you could watch for threads in the pit, posted by some one complaining that she was trying to pick up a guy in a grocery store, and, in spite of the fact that she was hitting on him with a 2x4, he still didn’t get it. I mean, sure, its a million to one, but million to one chances happen 9 out of 10 times.

(oh, and please don’t take that as a suggestion that I think you’re clueless. I’m much much worse).

20

Or sometime the next morning. :wink: