So, as I was at the grocery store last night buying some food for dinner, I noticed this really really cute girl. Short light brown hair, glasses, freckles, hips, etc. Ended up randomly passing her about 4 times as I meandered around the store. It occured to me that I have no idea how to start up a conversation with a random cute girl that I see (as it is, I’m moving to another state in a week, so whether or not I should have asked the girl out is likely a moot point).
So, what IS a good way to just randomly chat up a girl in this kind of environment? Not looking for pick-up lines, per se, just general advice on how to get my foot in the door, so to speak.
Note: I’d have done a search, since I’m almost certain that someone has asked about this on here in the past, but I have no idea on exactly what to search for.
How about soliciting advice on what goes into a good tomato sauce or something like that?
Or ask where they hide the velveta in this place because you can never find it. Shouldn’t it be near the cheeses? But it isn’t.
Or knock over one of those flimsy displays letting all the contents spill all over the floor and see if she gives you a look of pity or tries to help you pick it up. Better yet, blame her and offer to help her pick it up as a favor.
Or ask about stuff she’s got in her cart…avoiding personal items like vaginal ointment.
Practice, practice, practice! Practice on people/girls you don’t want to ask out. How much you can talk to people in the grocery store depends a great deal on where you live–I did it a LOT more in Alabama than I ever do in Dallas–but where ever you hope to chat girls up, practice on people that don’t get you all tounge-tied and shy. This will teach you techniques and mean that girls don’t get the impression that you are only talking to them because they are cute–your ease of manner will suggest that you are just a friendly guy, not someone that is ONLY looking to score (it’s ok to want to score. It just shouldn’t be the only thing that gives the conversation meaning)
Well… I don’t want to sound rude… but… make sure the girl is in your league. You know what I mean? So when she tells the story to a friend she says “This cute guy at the market-” and not “This weird looking guy-” or “This creepy old man-”
^^^Took the words straight out of my mouth. Also, if she’s clearly not interested, just take the hint and leave her alone. You wouldn’t want to come on too strong (or insane).
And, this is only my opinion so you should take it with a grain of salt, I think it’s a little creepy to go out of your way to talk to someone just because you find them attractive. No offense…
**Manda JO ** has given great advice. If you are not in the habit of talking to people in the grocery store without any motive but general friendliness, you are likely to come off awkwardly or worse if you suddenly try your technique on a prospective date. I have long had the habit of saying “hi” or “good afternoon” to most people I pass. It startles many, annoys some, and elicits friendly, sometimes even inviting looks from some. The friendly or inviting looks are the ones that can easily lead to more talk.
There has never been a human being born who doesn’t appreciate a Genuine, Honest Compliment. Start there. Here’s an example…
Approach her with a gentle smile, and engaged eye-contact (but no wide-eyed staring).
“Hi, excuse me, miss. I noticed you from across the way. You’re very eye-catching and I hope hearing that — even from a total stranger — would make whatever kind of day you’re having maybe just a notch better.”
Give her an opportunity to react. The way she responds to you should give you some indication as to how receptive she is to getting to know you. If it’s a curt “Ah… yep. Thanks,” and goes back to shopping, she likely isn’t interested. But if her body language opens up towards you, gives you a smile with some teeth, she may be available.
Be prepared to offer some specific details about what is so striking about her. Eyes, smile, taste in clothing (stay away from the three B’s — body, bust, butt), whatever. But don’t let the momentum slow down to “awkward pause” speed. Move along to asking her out… “I hope the compliment from out-of-the-blue doesn’t make you feel awkward. And it’s there with no strings attached. Honestly. HOWEVER, if I were to say ‘hello’ to someone so striking without at least asking her out for coffee… I would couldn’t NOT regret it. So: are you interested, willing, or otherwise available to sit down with me and get to know one another?”
If she says “no,” Make sure she knows the compliment still stands and wish her “happy shopping,” every bit as happy and personable as you were when you approached her.
Manda JO’s got it. Practice, practice, practice. Go to clubs and (try to)get rejected by 50 women (five a night, for ten nights) by using the cheesiest pickup lines you can think of. It’s what I was taught, and it’s probably the single greatest thing I’ve ever done for my social/sex life. The easier version is to simply start chatting up random people - in the elevator, at work, on your commute. Make it a point to be interesting without coming off as invasive, casual without appearing like you’re trying. People love talking about themselves. All they need is comfort, permission, and time, the first two of which can be quickly and easily established by a small effort on your part. The third is a bit of a misnomer, really, which is there simply to keep it neat - it comprises time (so you can’t realistically expect to be able to do much with a woman who’s popped down quickly to the grocery store for, say, tampons) as well as availability (I’m assuming you won’t be after married women) and compatibility on a number scale (realistically, but completely subjectively evaluate both of you /10 - as far as I’ve seen, a difference of 4 points or so is pushing it).
There’s a huge resource on the web (google “PUA”) and in a book by Neil Strauss called The Game, the contents of which are quite a bit beyond the scope of your question here, but are interesting things to look into nonetheless.
Yes, but you’ll end up looking like a lost fool with nothing to offer but compliments. Best case scenario is you end up her friend, which is really worse than being snobbed. Sorry, but that’s starting on the wrong foot.
Agree. He starts there, he doesn’t stay there. But remember, a grocery store is not a club. She’s there to shop. I still recommend saving the incredibly illuminating insights he has on the human condition for the social environment. Not Pick ‘n’ Save.
Inaccurate statement. The best case scenario is he gets a date.
I disagree. Being friends with great women (who know other great women) is simply smart networking. FWIW, this is based on personal experience.
But I do concede that there is no ONE way to meet people that works the same way for all people. I have no doubt that your game serves you well.
I started chatting up a guy at the grocery store yesterday. We’re both in line, everyone’s whining about the heat. I have two cartons of ice cream and he has a 12-pak of beer. I pointed to his beer and said, “That is the most important thing today.” Then he pointed to my ice cream and said “That’s the second most important thing.” Then a few minutes later I saw him coming out of the cigarette store as I was going in. I said “And that’s the third most important thing.” We both smiled and laughed. If I was in the market, I’d have had a phone number before he got to his car.
The point is, make yourself appear friendly, approachable, and interested, but without anything stalky or sexual or creepy. People usually appreciate friendly chatter. You will know very quickly if the person wants your attention or if you’re barking up the wrong tree.
I would add that pointing out the maxi pads or other personal items in a girl’s cart will probably not have the same effect as the beer/ice cream comments.
Yeah, sorry Hey You, I don’t think that’s a very good line, either. It sounds a little too… Woody Allen? It’s wayyyy longer than it needs to be.
Raguleader, surely you have a sense of humor? You’ve passed her in the grocery store several times… so one of the times just say something like “We really must stop meeting like this” or something. You’ll be able to tell by her reaction if she’s repulsed or interested, trust me.
Then maybe you can try for the longer sentences, the next time you pass her. “That ice cream looks really good. Perfect for this kind of weather. Oh I know, it’s been terrible. I come home from work and I just want to shower and hug my air conditioner. What do I do? Oh, I’m a insert hopefully interesting line of work here. By the way, I’m insert name and shake her hand. Well, you better get going before your ice cream starts to melt. But hey listen, here’s my card (or “number”, if you don’t have a card)… if you ever want to hang out or something drop me a line. Bye.”
Easy, and you’ve left the ball in her court. If she’s not interested you probably wouldn’t have gotten that far anyway, and if she is, she’ll call you when she’s ready. If the conversation flows naturally she’ll notice, and if it doesn’t then you probably don’t want to spend an entire evening with her anyway.
Also in the “not knocking Hey You club” but I don’t imagine any approach based on her appearance working well as an opener. If there’s an interesting item on her – an antiquey brooch, unusual shoes, etc. – that would probably be a better start.
Like Manda JO says, though, the important thing is to become a person who can talk to anybody easily.
Assuming you’ve already done the eye contact/smile exchange…
Ask her to read a label to you because you forgot to put in your contacts, and you’re deathly allergic to some bizarre ingredient, and you could die if she doesn’t help you. Or if she doesn’t look like she’ll have fun with that, just roll your cart up to something she’s about to buy, pretend you’re interested too, and ask her which one she thinks is best.
Everyone knows that while in the grocery store, the line has to match the section you’re in. To wit:
While in the produce section, go with: “Say I couldn’t help but notice those melons of yours.”
In the dairy section, “I know milk does a body good so baby, how much have YOU been drinking.”
At the check-out line, “Hey, aren’t you forgetting something? Me!”
In the frozen foods section, “What do you say we grab us a frozen pizza, go back to my place and screw.” If she declines, you say, “O.K., we don’t need the pizza.”
Or just the always-faithful, “Do you know what winks and screws like Chewbacca?” [No.] Then wink.
You get the idea.
Now of course, I’ve never actually tried this technique and can’t guarantee any modicum of success.
Please be sure to report your findings back to the group ASAP.
If you go with a compliment maybe stray away from physical. Clothes. Ladies love compliments on their clothes. And since it opens it up that you might just be gay… she might not shut down as quickly.
I’ve never tried it but it sounds good right?