How not to pick up girls

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Don’t feel bad, quite a few of us are pretty dense in regard to knowing when a woman is flirting with us.

Unless a woman tears off her clothes and screams “DO ME NOW!” I am generally pretty oblivious. And this has nothing to do with me being happily attached to Lola who will on some occasions simply tear off her clothes and scream requests. I think she had to do this to get my attention at the start of our relationship.

Anyways…I digress.

Many a time I have had female friends tell me a lady was flirting with me and I have always been surprised to hear this.

I’d go back to the store and see if you can accidentally bump into Elaine again, if things go in the direction you want I’d suggest that you come clean and tell her that bumping into her again wasn’t actually accidental.

22

Tris, if you do see her again, you definitely ought to follow up IMHO. If you don’t, don’t kick yourself too much. But do remember this episode the next time you find yourself in a similar situation. Those who don’t learn from the past, blah blah blah.

23

Mhmmmmm,
Folks, speaking as one female who has actually been fortunate enough to spend some time with, and yes, even the night with Tris,[sub]ok, he was out on the couch![/sub] I can tell you for a certainty that he is a fine, fine gentleman.

He is quite funny, very observant, a good listener, and the man can cook! A+ in my book, Trismeister. :smiley:

You are a bit on the innocent side though. :wink:

24

If you guys weren’t smart, funny, sweet and adorable I’d say you were all hopeless! Could you all go hang out with this putz for a while? Maybe you’ll all rub off on each other.

25

Well. . . Shucks!

And thanks, Aenea, you’re pretty hot stuff, yourself.[sup]Woo! Woo![/sup]

Big sigh.

More affirmation from another long-term woman friend, today, too. Good friend at work tells me, “That’s why we love you, you know; because you just talk to us, without trying to get anywhere. Girls who don’t know you yet haven’t figured that out.”

It’s kind of odd, really. I’m really not all that sure I want to go anywhere. It just feels weird being . . . outside the window, sort of. You see, communication is my thing. I do usually understand what people are doing, and saying, and have a good clue what they aren’t saying, as well. I have often been accused of being able to read minds, in other contexts. (Actually I just have a fairly good understanding of normal human experience, but it feels like mind reading when you know before you are told about “secrets” people are keeping.)

So, I get a little torqued by suddenly finding I missed out entirely on an aspect of a conversation. I won’t claim that I haven’t enjoyed the retroactive contemplation of “If I hadda said . . .” But it still feels like funny freckles, or ugly shoes or something like that.

The kind consideration, and loving commiseration of the women who have loved me is what I have “earned” with my “innocence.” The truth is I wouldn’t trade it for a harem. But I won’t claim that I wouldn’t like to at least know when the flirting started, just in case.

:slight_smile:
Tris

The older one grows, the more one likes indecency. ~ Virginia Woolf ~

26

I feel for ya, Triskadecamus. I never know whan I’m being flirted with (at least until after the fact). And then I’m completetly at a loss as to what to do.

I don’t know haw many times I’ve kicked nyself over stuff like this.

27

Triskadecamus,

take leave from work, get your computer / modem / mobile phone and sit in the grocery store (however long it takes).

When Elaine comes back, tell us.

When she asks what you’re doing (and she will!) choose from:

  • saying “waiting for you”
  • saying “I couldn’t get you out of my mind”
  • mutely showing her this thread
  • rapidly typing in what she says, and getting us to prompt you.

OK, I’m hopeless about flirting too.
I was at a chess tournament once (not a great place to meet women). My mate John comes over with a charming woman. During the next few days, the lady and I have pleasant, intelligent conversations (I’m always better with females when I don’t try to chat them up).
Then she says "You should know that John and I are just friends, nothing more! "
HELLO! GLEE! THIS IS IMPORTANT!
So I carry on as if nothing special had been said. :wally

And another one bites the dust…

28

This was about as close as the woman could get to Feynn’s statement about ripping off her clothes and screaming “DO ME NOW!” as she could get! Same with Elaine and the “you can cook” statement. That was entirely too obvious. Sigh.

My heart is just bleeding for you guys.

It’s always amazing to me how some guys just miss it. I can understand the subtle ones, but I’ve made some obvious plays in my day that have gone completely over the heads of the men I’ve flirted with. My ex-husband is a classic example.

I had to see him on a regular basis, due to my job. I thought he was cute, and I made some quiet inquiries to the folks he worked with about him, like was he single, etc, before I even began my flirt attempts. I spoke to him, smiled coyly, all the subtle things. Okay, those weren’t working. Then, on the days that I knew I’d have to see him, I started wearing slightly more revealing clothing (not too much, as I was at work too–just say it was more flattering to certain parts of my body). I would kind of put these parts of my body a little closer to his eyes, or brush up against him if possible, you know? Still nothing.

Finally, I asked one of the guys he worked with what was up, because I was getting NO response whatsoever, not even a brush off. Just polite business-related stuff. The other guy said “He doesn’t get it, is all. He’s mentioned that he thinks you’re pretty, but he simply does not get that you’re interested.”

So one day, I saw him outside of the place where he worked. I said “Hi there! Hey, do you think you might like to have dinner with me sometime?” He looked like he was going to faint. He said yes, though. The guys he worked with teased him for days, about his cluelessness. “She’s been hitting on you for weeks, man! Where have YOU been?” He honestly had no idea.

29

Weeelllll…help me figure this out, then:[list=1][li]Meet woman during one of the scheduled gatherings of a club in which I am a member).[/li][li]Stay after gathering to talk.[/li][li]Lather, rinse, repeat. And repeat. And repeat,…[/li][li]Woman says, hey, why are we doing this while we can chat over dinner?[/li][li]Go to dinner.[/li][li]More dinners. More conversations. We do things together.[/li]But she isn’t interested in anything more than a friendship.[/list=1]OK, maybe she is interested in more than a friendship and I’m just not getting it, but from her reactions to my clumsy attempts at moving the relationship along, I really don’t think so. The way I see it, Points 3-6 are heavy-duty flirting signals, no? So what’s going on?

30

Hell, tonight I learned that everyting I was doing is totally wrong: Do not advertise yerself as available. (ie keeping a pen in yer shirt). I’m such a knucklehead. . .

And as far as flirting, I take it upon myself as a member of the vast majority of males to say that “It takes a 2x4 upside the head before we realize what’s going on!”.

Tripler
If yer not in the majority, then yer either married or seeing someone. Or really lucky . . .

31

hmm . . . I know darn well that women never flirt with me - because they never even notice me!! I’d stand there, try to make eye contact and nothing.

32

Thank God, I’m not alone!

Chalk me up as yet another male who doesn’t know he’s being hit upon until it’s too late.

I thought I was recently - chatting to this girl (who works in the same profession as me), we got on really well, had the same favourite film etc. She stays at the bar we are in, rather than go on to a club with her friends…When I ask for her number… Nope!

Ladies - everywhere you go, take a big rubber stamp with you, and if you are interested, hit us on the forehead with it. Then when we go to the bathroom we will read “YES, I WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU” in big letters in the mirror. BTW make sure the stamp reverses the letters - we ain’t that smart…

It’s the only way some of us will realise…

33

Hmm, good idea, Iguana Boy; maybe we could carry two stamps, one for interest and one that says, “NO, I DON’T LIKE YOU THAT WAY. LEAVE ME ALONE.” Then there would never be any confusion again.

34

I’m beginning to think I flirted with one of you guys once. Tell me if the following episode sounds familiar to any of you.
Several years ago, I went into a cute coworker’s office to borrow something, I don’t remember what. He asked jovially, “What’ll you give me for it?” I said, in a similar tone, “Everything I have to offer.”

But he just chuckled and said, “Which is nothing, right?”

Awkward pause. Then I said, teasingly, “Some men would be flattered.”

Dawn broke over marblehead. You could just see the revelation in his eyes. He blushed like a sunset and stammered something like, “It’s not that I’m not flattered …”

I smiled at him, took whatever I had come to borrow, and got back to work. He always looked really embarrased whenever I ran into him again, so I decided he wasn’t interested. Either that or I scared him off.

35

That was YOU???:eek:

j/k, but I am that clueless.

36

This may come as no surprise to many, but I am also one who has NO CLUE when women are interested.

I maintain that it’s because most women are not interested, but the lady I am dallying with now had to literally take matters into her own hands otherwise we’d still be just not doing anything together beyond ICQ.

She says I must have been blind to every hint ever for the past 30 years, but I say as the hints are all psychic messages, how the heck am I supposed to guess any of this?