My girlfriend just told me that there was a scandalous episode in the eighties wherein Ted Dansen said to the press that Whoopie Goldberg had the typical huge vagina of black women and she responded that he had a small penis.
Did this actually happen?
I don’t recall that, and it’s hard to believe it could have raised much of a scandal, since it wasn’t likely any media outlet would be willing to quote the exchange. It’s possible the exchange was some sort of joke the two worked out, but it wasn’t covered in the mainstream press.
Danson did get into a media scandal when he dressed in blackface (supposedly with Whoopie’s approval) at a celebrity roast or some such.
Danson and Goldberg were dating (or had been) when they both appeared at a Friars Club roast in 1993. The roasts always feature outrageously filthy insult humor, and no holds are barred.
The roast was for Goldberg herself, and Danson appeared in blackface and made stereotypical insults about blacks. One thing you should know, however: Goldberg wrote Danson’s act.
Still, a huge controversy ensued and Danson got the worst of it, even though they both were mocking racist humor.
The joke I heard was a standard “the woman is a slut” joke. He said having sex with Whoopi was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
ROFL - I gotta remember that one 
There ‘may’ be a transcript of the skit in Spy magazine from that period. I don’t vouch for anything.
There was. I remember reading it. There was also a picture of Ted in blackface. At one point, they had one of the waiters bring Ted a plate full of watermelon. I remember one or two of the jokes but they are not appropriate for GQ. Whoopie thought it was hilarious. Some were so offended that they walked out.
Haj
Discussed in detail in New York Friars Club Book of Roasts by Barry Dougherty, who runs the place. There was a lot more said than that, after Roastmaster Ted Danson came out in blackface. His opening monologue set the tone with “I know comparisons are odious, but, uh, I gotta tell ya, black chicks sure do know their way around a dick. I suppose, in all fairness, that’s because white girls get toys at Christmas.” At that moment, new member Montel Williams ran out and made some disgusted phone calls, setting off the public furor.
Whoopi had an angry press conference a few days later saying “If this is going to be the outcome after each Friars Roast, the Friars will no longer be able to have them. That Mr. Danson came in blackface was my idea. I had a great time and I’m thrilled that RuPaul, dressed as a nun, stood up and humped the podium while screaming ‘Give it to me, big daddy!’. I guess Montel missed that. Or Robin Williams, who talked about my sexuality and said he opened my legs once, looked in, and say six guys and a Harley. There was a lot that went on at this Roast.”
Other Danson lines during the Roast: “Dear Diary, June 22, 1992: I was worried about how my parents would react when I brought Whoopi home to meet them, they can be so stuffy and out of touch, but Whoopi fit right in. And after she did the laundry and washed the dishes and dusted and generally tidied up the place - my father, my sweet, sweet father offered to give her a ride to the bus station - and my mother; you remember this, said that was really out of place, Ned, really out of place, especially since she feld Whoopi had missed a few of the spots on the higher shelves. Actually, my mother got along with Whoopi beautifully, but that’s because my mother’s a dyke.”
She wrote that, too. Get the picture? The televised roasts are scripted, and it’s no puzzle why.
This reminds me of the fight between Rosanne and Tom Arnold. She went on record saying he had a small penis, and when asked about it on Conan O’Brien he said, “Well Conan, a 747 looks small if it crashes in the grand canyon”.
/hijack