My daughter pulled the old double switch on me last night – she’s spending the night at Carrie’s while Carrie’s mom thinks she’s spending the night here. (Just a sec, I have to get the hook, line and sinker out of my mouth. Ptui! There!) Not only that, she did a no show at work. In fact that’s how she got caught – the manager called this morning wanting to talk to her about it. She wasn’t here (of course) so I called Carrie’s.
Homecoming is (was!) next weekend, but it looks like she won’t be going now. (This isn’t the first time she’s done this, but it is the first time in quite a while.) My wife is out of town and she’s usually more thorough on checking up – having the mom call and confirm they are indeed there. But Carrie is one of her friends I can trust a little more so I didn’t follow through. Turns out Carrie (who was home) had also tried to work the switch but her mom didn’t bite. My daughter, meanwhile, was at Sophie’s, who is not her most trustworthy companion.
Anyway. Just wanted to vent. Congratulations Shirley on your great expectation. You will have some wonderful times before the teenage years. And hopefully afterwards if we/she live that long.
“non sunt multiplicanda entia praeter necessitatem”
– William of Ockham
Oh, I thought this was about that executive who flew to Vietnam to buy a 13 year old girlfriend. It wasn’t cheap, though…I think he paid her parents $150,000 & he’s now in jail.
Anyway, sorry about your teenager problems. Don’t sell her, though…you MIGHT regret it.
I went to your father
And I asked him for you.
Your father said, “Take her,
Oh, Take her! Please do!
She won’t cook or sew
And she won’t scrub the floor!”
So I put on my hat
And tiptoed out the door.
I don’t know for certain where she was (other than that she was with Sophie) but my guess is that there was alcohol involved. I don’t think it was alcohol and boys both, but, as is by now obvious, I’ve been wrong before!
I’d like to think they went straight to Sophie’s house and watched “The Princess Bride”, but as Fezzini says – “Inconceivable!”.
“non sunt multiplicanda entia praeter necessitatem”
– William of Ockham
My sister-in-law is currently dealing with her daughter, a freshman in high school, who is getting into all sorts of trouble. Part of the problem is her inability to distrust her daughter. If Nic tells her “I didn’t steal the liquor out of the cabinet.”, my sis-in-law believes her. Then she points the finger at Nic’s friends. She’s been disillusioned before, and I daresay she’ll be disillusioned again, before Nic finally leaves the nest.
I am trying to stay out of it, but I’m glad that at least one other parent checks when Suzie says she’s staying at Christy’s house.
Tsk, until the babe is 18 always call the house that shes staying at to verify.
I often read that raising teenage boys is easier than raising teenage girls, is this true?
ChiefScott, I beg to differ. Rather, my parents beg to differ. I was an angel. The easiest kid in the world to raise.
Okay, so I wasn’t easy. My brother, though…good gracious, he was so much worse than me. He did eventually get his stuff together, though, and is now quite a happy, successful young man. Lucky for him my parents let him live to become one, though.
No, don’t sell her. That would be too easy and painless. (For her, I mean.)
Ground her ass for the next few years. Don’t even think about letting her go to homecoming. Assign her chores around the house and check up on them, and check up on her grades, too. She’s toast.
In other words, the next few years will be a living, breathing hell. But while she’s under your roof, you’re responsible for her and she goes by your rules. Your rules sound pretty reasonable so far, and since she didn’t respect them, she’s reduced to grade schooler status.
The up side is that she may grow up a little before she presents you with a bouncing 'ittle baby of her own or gets into more trouble than she get out of.
Also, having done your best shot at rearing her, any future problems of her making are hers. You were a magnificent parent and she can raise her own offspring and pay for her own psyciatrists.
She wants adult privilges? She plays adult rules. Adults who lie and sneak find it damned hard to get trusted or respected.
Better she learns it now.
And my sympathy. She will probably turn out to be a great young woman. And you’ll have many happy years recovering from hammering her into one.
Pluto…gee, thanks for the condolences…errr…congrats.
What was your daughter doing that needed such super secret security? Grounding her is excellent. Can you take away her car privvies ( is she has them?) I can’t think of anything suitable other than the usual no-cable/tv/pc/cellphone/pager/car-you stay at home and watch your parents age kind of punishment. It worked for me
Now, I’m not a charismatic evangelist pushy type of religious person, or anything, so please don’t take this wrong, but-
pluto and other parents of teenagers, get down on your knees/ run out into a big field right now and thank the higher power of your choice if the ‘sneaking out’ phenomenon (or its pimply cousin, the ‘sneaking out and lying about it’ phenomenon) is the worst you have to deal with out of your teenager.
All kids believe they are entitled to more independance than you are willing to believe. But there is a big difference between your daughter asserting her right to date the guy with the forehead tattoo from shop class and her asserting her right to , um, say, ride around with a drunk driver all night smoking crack rocks.
This thread makes me feel guilty. I was pulling the old double-lie up until about 8 years ago. I was mostly a good kid, but I really didn’t agree w/ my parents’ strictness (relative to my friends’ parents, of course. They weren’t evil or anything). If it makes you feel better, I NEVER drank or did any drugs. I mostly snuck out to go to concerts or clubs.
On the other hand, I also spent some of those nights that I was supposedly at my friend Shannon’s w/ my 29- year old boyfriend (this was when I was 16) but MOST of the time that wasn’t the case.
Anyway, I got caught doing this a few times (each time w/ a stiffer grounding) and finally my parents sent me to live with my real father for the summer. Oddly enough, the idea that my parents wanted to wash their hands of me gave me the clue I needed. I was allowed back for my senior year(after much apologizing and begging), and decided to try to do things their way. If I asked to go somewhere and they said no, I accepted it and didn’t whine or sneak out. Oddly enough, it didn’t take long for them to try to trust me and by then I REALLY didn’t want to ruin it, so I went where I said I was going and got home by curfew. I also started bringing guys that I was dating home to meet them, as well as all of my friends, so they’d know with whom I was spending my time. Eventually (and it did seem to take a long time) they forgave me and I was back to being their favorite kid.
So, my advice here is that while your daughter will most likely hate you while you’re punishing her, she’ll eventually see that SHE was wrong, not you. You will have to be consistent, though. Good luck with that!
I guess I owe you all an update. Thanks for the feedback (all except ImTheCowGodMoo – that’s the last thing I need!)
Her official story is that she inadvertantly said she was staying with Carrie when she meant Sophie all along – just got her friends confused. Hmmm. It’s possible, actually even plausible, but the bottom line is I didn’t know where she was and she knows that’s a no-no.
We have determined what she was doing anyway. Turns out to be pretty harmless (yes, we have verified it with friends and parents of friends she was with). No alcohol involved.
So she’s still grounded (for lying and missing work) but homecoming is go again. The good news is that the whole incident led to a good discussion about responsibility (even when the “mistake” is inadvertant).
Two other points – her mother, who got back last night, was more willing than me to believe her (and I’m supposed to be the softie!) and her judgement is generally much better than mine.
Secondly – YES TEENAGE BOYS ARE EASIER THAN TEENAGE GIRLS!!! Stacy (my daughter) has two older brothers and one younger brother and the three of them combined haven’t been as hard as her. The good news is that at 16 Stacy is way better than she was at 14, 15 or even 15 and a half. We’re hoping it’s a trend and not a temporary aberration.
So, we’ve taken her off the market for now. But we haven’t thrown away the military school brochures!
“non sunt multiplicanda entia praeter necessitatem”
– William of Ockham
