Telemarketer turns it around on me

I received a call from “Rachel from Card Services” today (a recorded message where a woman named Rachel offers to lower your credit card interest, press 1 to speak with a representative). Like many here I sometimes screw with these guys. I didn’t decide what to say until the rep picked up.

Rep: Card Services, this is Ron.
Me: Hi, I was holding for Rachel.
Rep: Rachel? You were holding for Rachel?
Me: Yes I was.
Rep: She’s giving the manager a blowjob and won’t be available for about 10 minutes.
Me: Uh…what?
Rep: <click>

So kudos to you, Mr. Telemarketer. You got me. The bar has been raised!

He already found another job, and is entertaining himself by trying to get fired for the most hilariously inappropriate behavior possible, because he hates this job and wants to show it loudly and proudly. I approve.

or, he just hates this job, and can’t control himself anymore, and has no backup job. I hope he finds something better.

or he came to work drunk/high. Whatever, he shouldn’t drive like that, if he drove to work drunk/high.

No, I don’t think that’s it. The “Rachel” people are hard-core-don’t-waste-my-time scammers. They are not into building long-term customer relationships. They just want to get your credit card number and move on.

In most customer call centers, the operator needs to bite his tongue and can only hang up on a customer with the permission of a supervisor. You ask the Rachel guy what the name of the company is or what their address is and they tell you to buzz off and hang up.

This is not a touchy-feely the-customer-is-always-right operation. They get tons of abuse and have heard it all. If they suspect you are playing games with them, they don’t have time for you.

How willing is Rachel to give ME a blowjob?

Give her your credit card number. You’ll get screwed like never before.

And they have hair-trigger sensors that make them hang up at the slightest provocation, or even the slightest hint that the mark isn’t ripe, low-hanging fruit. Just inquiring as to their location or company name, no matter how innocently or politely said, is typically answered with a “click.” I have a hundred recordings to prove it.

“So you can lower my interest rates, eh? How does that work?”


While you might think you’re clever to say you’re waiting to talk to Rachel, they’ve heard it already, probably many, many times. They make a lot of phone calls.

I often get calls from people in the “warranty department” calling about my 2011 Toyota, when I ask what company they hang up.