Telemarketers try to fight back...so does Dave Barry

The BBQ Pit
21

I don’t understand this part, taken from the ‘About the ATA’…

Are they saying the customers they represent sell five hundred billion dollars a year, or that all the telemarketing, spamm, etc that they generate yeilds five hundred a year?

That’s an astronomic number no matter how you look at it, but it seems they’re saying that’s the amount they sell through these means each year.

Is telemarketing, spamm, whatever, that much of a moneymaker? Do that many people fall for their crappola?

I’m somewhat stunned.

Five hundred billion?

22

Look, these people have to work too. You’re taking away millions of jobs when all you need to do is not answer the phone. If you didn’t want to get calls, why did you get a phone in the first place? Some people really need and appreciate the service of having products presented to them in the comfort of their own home. If you’re not interested or don’t want to be bothered just don’t answer the…snort I’m sorry, I thought I could make it through that with a straight face…carry on.

23

Yes it does. In favor of a better one. :smiley:

24

The argument of the telemarketers reminds me of what some dumbass ABC executive said about TIVOs. I don’t remember the exact quote, but it was along the lines of “TIVO allows people to bypass commercials and that is wrong. There is an implied agreement that in order to get free TV people have to watch the commercials”.

The older I get the more our commercial society grates on my nerves. We are barraged by a constant stream of ads for products that most of us don’t need. I don’t think it is unreasonable to not have my phone used as a commercial medium for a company that I most likely don’t want to do business with. And for the ATA to bitch about the steady stream of calls… well pot and kettle and black and that sort of thing.

I’m glad that Dave is keeping this out in the forefront.

25

Oh I don’t know, that one chick (who, strangely, hasn’t been seen since) had some pretty funny posts!

You know, the one who “apercaded (appreciated)” our views (or whatever the heck she said.

26

This reminds me, last week I got a call on my cell phone (YEAH!! My CELL phone!!).

The call (sorry I’m old and the memory’s not what it used to be), went something like this:

Me: Hello?
Caller: Hello, we have you listed as having used Hilton Hotels we’re based in Florida
Me (confused, I’ve never been to Fla): Well, I frequently travel, but I usually use non-chain hotels. (she confused me!! If I’d have known it was a telemarketer, on my CELL phone yet, I’d have hung up immediately, but as I do sometimes give out my cell phone for travel arrangements or business arrangements she had me a bit off-kilter for a few moments).
Caller: Oh, well we have you listed as having used Hilton Hotels, so, if we could just get your name and number.
Me: My what? How’d you call me if you didn’t have my name and number???
Caller: Well, we’ve got this listing.
Me: Well yes but…how’d you call my CELL phone if you don’t have my name and number???
Caller: bzzzzzzzzzzzzz dialtone.
Me: ??? What the heck??

27

The precise term was “thieves.”

[sup]BOLDING ADDED[/sup]

When some network shithead tries to tell me that my selective viewing of a signal that is wide-beam broadcasted throughout America and freely available on unlicensed equipment amounts to “theft,” it’s at that point where I will maximize such activity to the greatest degree possible. These fuckwads have the nerve to flood our airwaves with vacuous drivel like “The Love Boat” and then turn around and call us thieves for not watching commercials targeted at a five year old mental capacity. What the fuck are these goons smoking, old celluloid?

I will also reiterate:

DAVE BARRY FOR PRESIDENT

28

:cool:

I know! Let’s have something for people who want to be called by telemarketers. We could call it the ‘I am a fckwt who wants to be sold cr*p by timewasting morons’ registry.

(And of course everyone who ‘works’ in the telemarketing industry would automatically go on it…)

29

Jebus H. Christie!

You folk do not appreciate telemarketers at all! Sure, sometimes they interrupt you while you’re eating dinner, or when you’re in the middle of a perfect run through a Rachmaninov concerto, or when you’re just about to vanquish those evil little Rage Gunboats in EVN. And that is annoying.

However, do you folks not realize the goldmine telemarketers are for testing out whatever cracked-out ideas you have for interacting with people? For example, I could never play the part of a Frenchman in real life (seeing as how I look more Chinese than Mao), but when a telemarketer calls, say hello to Jean-Michel Dubois, medecin et danseur erotique.

“Allo? Wut du yoo wont, monsieur? Du yoo wont kek? Let dem eet kek! Eet cure disease, end eets very sexy!”

Oh god, listening to them try to deal with psychopathic frenchman is just so much fun. I swear, I really should buy their product for the amusement they give me. It’s like I’m stealing entertainment bundles of joy straight out of their little tushes (note: add last to my erogenous-zone obsessed character).

Another favorite character of mine is the paranoid conspiracy theorist who talks in a high pitch voice (think that couple in Seinfeld where Elaine and Jerry couldn’t tell their voices apart).

“The black helicopters… I see them! Stop toying with me! All your secret code words, it’s too much! Long-distance, I’ll tell you it’s long-distance, a long distance to HELL! I ain’t going down, not like this! ARRGGGGGGGHHH!”

And of course I’ve done the enthusiastic buyer who has suddenly gone mute.

“Would you be interested in switching plans?”

“Yes I would! Please tell me m-” And then random throat clearings in response to them asking questions.

I’m serious. Must See TV can’t hold a candle to Chatting With Phil The Eager Telemarketer.

30

I have an idea that will allow all these telemarketers that might lose their jobs to keep them: Have them answer the phones at the ATA when Dave Barry prints their number.

31

I work for a company that operates a contact center. We handle customer service by phone and email. (Help Desk, Billing, Complaints, etc.). We also handle inbound sales for a couple of catlog & internet companies. This is a situation where everyone who calls or emails you is buying something. I believe that this sort of sale makes up the lions share of what ATA is quoting. (note: this is just my educated guess). So think about it-- everytime someone calls Dell to get a computer, or AT&T to order an extra phone line, or LL Bean to get a parka and wool socks, or even orders a book from Amazon, if that is going toward the $500 billion quoted, it doesn’t sound to crazy.

32

Hmm. Yeah, but then that would be the CUSTOMER initiating the call right?

Seems pretty sneaky for them to count that as telemarketing income, when most of us think of telemarketing as us being called out of the blue and the person on the other end trying to sell us something we haven’t asked for.

As to the posts with quotes from the executives calling us theives for not watching commercials?

Please! What are they gonna do, post a guard to make sure we don’t get up and load the dishwasher, straighten up etc?

That’s what I do when I haven’t TiVoed a show and am forced to sit through commercials. Like another poster said, (paraphrased) the commercials are highly insulting to the average person’s intelligence. I refuse to watch them. And if they are REALLY stupid, I will refuse to buy the product.

Is THAT thievery? I believe that’s called choice.

ID10T’s!!! Who the hell do they think they are?

33

I got one the other day:

Me: Hello
Telemarketer: Hi, I’m calling from Small Business Association Suppliers Conglomerate Limited (or something).
Me: Uh…
TM: May I ask you a few questions? Do you spend more than two fifty on postage per month?
Me (puzzled): Are you under the impression that this is a small business?
TM: You’re on our list as–
Me: This is a college dorm room.
TM: Oh.
Me: As such, our postage costs are relatively low.

I was more tickled than angry. Nearly as much as the time I got a call for my father and got to say: “What the hell kind of list are you calling from? He hasn’t lived at this number for 14 years!”

34

If I don’t recognize a number, I answer “FBI” or “City Morgue”.

All my friends and family have this engrained in the brains, so they just reply to me, “Phil?”…and we chat.

Telemarketers hang up. I have a very good rate of hangups with them never saying a word. I haven’t spoken to one in months.

What I can’t avoid upon coming home is my answering machine filled with notices that I’ve ‘been elected to receive’ various trips to Disney World areas. I didn’t win anything for free, and it’s not Disney World - maybe Orlando.

35

I hate those too Philster except mine are for Disney. I am never going to the Magic Kingdom again because of those damn calls. I spent three days in Orlando two years ago and I am still getting calls.

I have no idea how my name and number got on the list. I don’t remember giving my phone number when I purchased the park tickets. I guess I may have given it to the hotel but I doubt it. I usually use a fake number for everything.

36

That is wierd. My father and my family have been going to Disneyworld for years, and we never got a call.