Occasionally I will listen to the whole speil and then say “You know that sounds really interesting butunfortunately the IRS has declared me legally dead I don’t have access to any money. Could you keep checking back every six months to see if I’m alive yet?” But usually I just say “no thanks, I’m not interested, please don’t call again”.
Once I realize it is a telemarketer, I very gently and quietly lay the phone down and walk away. Later on, when it starts making the phone-off-the-hook squeal, I replace it in the phone cradle.
We haven’t answered our phone for years, since a painful movie-rental episode in 1995. (We’d rented a movie for three days, and it took all three days to watch it, because of the constant telephonic interruptions.) Our ringer is off about half the time. Our answering machine is quiet.
Friends leave messages or send email or have my cell phone number. People who really need to talk to us - doctors’ offices, say - leave messages. My parents, and even my Loved One’s rather Luddite parents, learned to leave messages or send email. If you don’t leave a message, you’ll never talk to anyone in this house via the telephone.
So telemarketers do not bother us. Problem solved! (Extra bonus: after a few years of this, neither of us had a knee-jerk reaction to ringing phones anymore. A ringing phone became Somebody Else’s Problem.)
I usually just say no thanks (the requisite three times) and goodbye.
But I’ve got to share my most recent telemarketer story, because I just felt so bad for the poor woman that called me.
She was calling from our local newspaper, just selling subscriptions. But this woman called me last Tuesday afternoon, the day of the attack. I could hear it in her voice that her heart was just not in her job. Not that day.
I’m not interested in subscribing to this paper anyway, so I just said “I’m sorry honey, but I’m kind of busy right now with the news. Can you call me back another day?”
Her response was “Of course. Thanks.”
And that was it. I didn’t howl at her for daring to try and sell me something in the middle of all this, and she didn’t keep hammering at me.
If they do call back, maybe I will subscribe. 
The tone thing is a great idea we might just try if it wouldn’t confuse the heck out of our parents (we’re just an easily confused bunch).
I know now from reading the posts that my method of hanging up on that ominous silence is a bad one, but sometimes, I really just don’t have the patience. I mean, with the rare exception, everyone who calls sounds like a crackhead: they slaughter my last name and it’s “kitchel,” sounds like “mitchell” or even “schnitzel” if you’re drunk, but man, the weird gargling sounds I’ve heard… heh, heh. I’ve even had a telemarketer hang up on me out of frustration–he couldn’t pronounce my name, then had trouble reading his spiel. It was kind of sad.
My favourite thing is when they ask me if my parents are home: “Young man, are your parents home?” Hah, I’d like to say, “No, but do you want to speak to my husband?” but I content myself with going along and just saying “no, they’re not” since it saves me a little more time and face on both sides of the phone.
You guys might want to check out my thread “How to stop Telemarketers” at http://straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=84912
Hey, I know we’re not too popular, and right now the almost- war is all we can think about, but what’s your opinion on this?
I work for a legit and respected large carpet cleaning company. Luckily, pretty well all our calls are to repeat customers or people who had been previosly contacted and asked to be called back. On Monday, one of our employees called a woman who had asked for a mid-September call. This was about mid morning. Unfortunatly, one of the memorial services was being telecast at that time. This was about the third or fourth one broadcast in our area. The customer took exception to the call and demanded that our supervisor be asked to call her back. He did, immediatly, and tried to explain that our caller had simply been following the requirements of the job and her own original request to be called in Sept. Not good enough! The last we heard, she was calling head office. Now please, PLEASE, don’t get me wrong! Of course the woman had every right to be upset. This whole thing is terrible, and if she was watching the service, I bet her nerves were pretty raw. The thing is, all she had to do is say that she couldn’t talk just then and hang up. Instead, she spent at least ten minutes on the phone to our office and who knows how long talking to head office. She also put the telemarketer’s job in jeopardy. I think that was rather unfair, as she had asked for the call in the first place. Don’t think we’re heartless, and just out to annoy people no matter what the circumstances, either. I’d say less than ten percent of the people I called on last Tuesday even mentioned what was happening, and the rate of calls in to the office, from people calling themselves to book, was about normal. We discussed calling off the shift, and the boss said that if we got more than a couple of people who were upset we’d shut down, but it just didn’t happen. People do want to carry on as usual if they can. Anyway, there’s just one example from the other end of the phone. I’d say the vast majority of people are polite and treat me with respect. To all of you who act like ladies and gentlemen on the phone, THANK YOU!!! You make a hard job bearable.
Because sometimes they get hold of people who aren’t as mentally sharp as most of us on these forums (like my Dad, who has Alzheimers) and they can sometimes get a sale from them. My Dad used to mess with telemarketers before he got Alzheimers, he’d keep them on the phone for as long as possible with various questions, lead them on for 10 or 15 minutes and then say he wasn’t interested. My parents got a few bills in the mail for stuff they didn’t need before they realized he wasn’t wasting their time anymore when he kept talking to them. This is one of the reasons why I hate telemarketers. I’ll be so glad when they are moved in with us, they get everybody they ever ordered anything from calling them frequently to try and take advantage of them, it’s insane.
Okay, I tried! It’s in Replys to Cecil’s Columns “How to stop Telemarketers”
Telemarketers annoy me too. My former roomate had a bunch of credit cards and magazine subscriptions, which seemed to land her on the telemarketer’s lists. I’m still getting calls for her four months after she moved out. Still, I don’t understand simply not answering the phone, or not answering it if it’s an unlisted/out of area number. What if it’s a family member calling about some sort of emergency?
Silence is an immediate hang up. Sometimes, when a voice actually gets thru, I’ll ask the person to hold on, and I’ll put the phone down. I’ll check every few minutes to see if anyone’s still holding. I know automatically that it’s a telemarketer if my name (or Mrs. KVS’s name) is pronounced wrong.
I once heard my mother have this conversation with a telemarketer:
Telemarketer: “Hello, can I speak with Mrs. KVSMom?”
KVSMom: “Yes, this is she.”
Telem: “Hi, this is Blah Blah from the Blah Blah company. How are you today?”
KVSMom: “Oh, not so good. I just found out I have AIDS.”
The telemarketer hung up the phone.
I get pestered, usually in bursts (perhaps they’re doing a marketing sweep?).
After several calls one evening I combined the techniques mentioned by AHunter3 and Knighted Vorpal Sword.
- Ask the telemarketer to “hold on a minute”.
- Go and watch television, or play computer games.
- When it starts making the phone-off-the-hook squeal, replace the phone.
Now I felt a trifle guilty about wasting the telemarketer’s time, so I was all set to start a thread asking if I was morally correct. Then I read this:
I now realise I am doing society a favour by wasting telemarketer’s time. Imagine if they all resigned … a better world!
Used to work tech support for an ISP. We were a third-party contractor. When we called out, the phone number would be morphed to 000-0000.
The reason for this is that if people had our queue number, they could call directly into the queue and we would not get paid for the call (paid on a per-call basis routed to our help desk, they call the 1-800 number, it gets sent either to us or one of the other 3 centers.)
This might be standard for call centers.
I…
- Answer the phone.
- Once the person (wait for a human) starts talking, I listen to their intro.
“Hello, is this Badlymispronounced?”
“Close enough, who are you?”
“My name is Gina-”
(interrupt)“Hello, Gina, how are you?”
“…uh, I’m fine.”
“Good. That makes for easier day, doesn’t it?” (kill 'em eih kindness, that’s what I say)
this usually gets a giggle or a smile at least. - IF they are getting into a sales pitch, then-
“I’m sorry, I’m going to interrupt here. Let’s just cut to the chase: What company are you with?”
“ABC Co.”
“And what are you selling?”
“ItemB”
“Okay. I’m going to save us both a lot of time and say ‘No thank you’.” - IF it’s a survey that I find I could be help in, then I actually answer honestly, otherwise I just say “Do you have an ‘undecided’ column or something similar, because in all honesty, I’m just not interested in taking this survey, nor do I feel I can be of help to you because of this viewpoint.”
“Can you elaborate?”
“No. I’m not interested in taking any more of my time or yours on this matter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I do have something on the stove that’s going to start burning if I don’t tend to it. Good luck.”
It’s usually been pretty good. I think as a result of being nice to these folks, I get taken off lists pretty quickly.
(hijack)
I remember one time I had a call from an insurance company regarding charges affected by a speeding ticket…
“Hello, is this Darqangelle?”
“Yesss…”
“This is John Smith from X Insurance credit department.”
“Ah, How are you?” (asked genuinely)
“Uh, well fine.”
“Man, your job must be fun, huh? You must get to talk to some REAL a$$h@le$.”
“(hesitant)You wouldn’t believe…”
“Actually I would. (looking at watch, noticing it’s 3pm) And judging by the time, you’re probably just edging to get your butt home with a CD and a nice glass of something…”
“Heh. It’s been a long week…”
“Well, let’s see if we can make your day a little easier. I know why you’re calling. It’s regarding payment9Z, isn’t it?”
“Yep, it was due last week. Have you made a payment recently?”
“Nope.”
“Ah. When can you make one?”
“What’s the balance?”
“(numbers)”
“Okay, as you can imagine, I don’t have that kind of cash lying around. Not many people generally do, but I do have every intention of taking care of this so I don’t have to worry about it again. Can we make an arrangement where I give you (number/3) after Friday (payday), say, Monday? Then give you another third on …etc etc?”
“Uhh. Well, Yeah, I can do that for you.”
“Great. Now can I get your name again just so I know who I’ve made this arrangement with in case I get another phone call about this?”
…etc etc
He was kind enough to drop the payment total down, kill off some rediculous charges they put on top and the lowered the interest on late payment. He even offered to extend the time to pay it back, but I admitted
“That’s kind of you, really, but I want to take care of this as quickly as possible. Those dates’ll do.”
“Okay, now you’re going to get some nasty letters in the mail over the next few weeks. The system’s automated, so just ignore them, as I have our arrangement in the computer.”
“And if anyone calls about this?”
“No one will call. Don’t worry about it.”
And then proceeded to explain how their system works, thereby educating me in all things insurance and payment related. (forewarned is forearmed)
“Well, thanks. You’ve been really cool about this!”
“Actually, you’ve been really nice, so it’s no trouble.”
“Okay, well, have a good weekend.”
“You too.”
-click-
(/hijack)
I taped this to my phone: “Take me off your list (click)”
This is because I kept forgetting the magic words, and would not be able to ad lib them, so even if I got free his computer would list me as a mark for the next marketer to get and I’d be called the next night and the next.
There’s no “please”, because they are always rude first, releasing me from that obligation.
The “(click)” is to remind me not to let them use that as a new opening, “Would you care to tell me why…?”
They are required to remove your name for 1 year, or you can sue them. How, I couldn’t guess, but the threat of it stops them. They play a numbers game and can’t afford anything that consumes time.
BTW, I think the people are being screwed by the boiler room management, which keeps all the profits. Turnover is so high that callers seldom are able to collect commissions before they leave.
Deepbluesea has got it right. There is no need to pay for caller ID. Anyone who is worthwhile will leave a message.
The Wall Street Journal had an article in this vein a couple years ago. They interviewed the woman who does the Miss Manners column. She said it’s perfectly acceptable to screen calls these days.
OK, so let’s assume I have descended into Hell and have been given the job of Telemarketing Consultant. My task is to design a system that gets the most bang for the buck – it should bring in the most suckers, er…customers for the least expense and the shortest time.
So wouldn’t it make sense to restrict calls to only those numbers that are likely to buy your product?
The L.A. Times subscription boiler room doesn’t cross-check the called numbers with their subscriber list, so these calls are wasted. And they make A LOT of solicitations.
And the other night, I got a call from AT&T wanting me to sign up for long distance. What a waste of resources (theirs AND mine), since:
-
ALL my phone lines ALREADY use AT&T (tho after this call I am thinking of switching)
-
The line they called on was an incoming line only – it is impossible for me to make a long distance call even if I wanted to.
These facts could easily be checked before calling. And the op didn’t know the name or the number of the party she was calling, a sure sign I wasn’t going to speak to her.
Today I saw an ad on TV for a device that sends the “not in service” signal to computer calls. They’re asking $79.95 for the thing!
Come on everybody, repeat after me,
“Sorry, not interested, thanks anyway, 'bye” CLICK!
Works every time! If you use a pleasant tone of voice, the TM will simply cross you off with no hard feelings and go on to the next call. The best part? It’s absolutely free!
Remember. it’s YOUR PHONE! You can hang it up any time you want!
:rolleyes:
yes, I’m so going to hell.
Got a job at a telemarketing company (though I might not be staying long…)
I’ve only been on the phones 2 days, and I’ve gotten some real SOB’s already!
Just some tips-
-Don’t just hang up. We will call back.
-If you ask to be put on do not call list, there’s a legal speil I have to read. It might take about 10 days to go into effect. Also, you can be on a do not call or mail list. Oooh!
-My mom has on her answering machine “If you are soliciting, put us on your DNC list.” Doesn’t work. We need a person. We will call back.
-Please be gentle.
-I have to record. The back room records.
If I think of anything else, I’ll warn you.
P.S.-PA along with some others, is a no rebuttle state. Therefore, we can only end the call nicely. Look into it. 
As I am a university student, I have worked part-time for about the last year at three different telephone survey firms (not telemarketers).
I would like to be the first to say that I hate telemarketers with a passion - but I also hate those who dislike surveyors as if we were telemarketers. The surveys that I have done are often informative and useful, and often they are on behalf of a company where you are already their client (ie. your bank, your investment advisor, etc…). Many of the other surveys are actually quite interesting, if you bother to find out what it’s about before rudely hanging up (more on that later).
Also, as mentioned earlier, some surveys can be long, but at every place I’ve worked, we must be honest in how long the survey will take - not just “about 15 minutes” but the actual average, like “12 to 14 minutes” or “6 to 8 minutes.” For any longer surveys, we usually give incentives for finishing the survey - recently I was working on a survey that took about 40 to 45 minutes, but we paid the respondents twenty dollars. I don’t know about you, but if I’m sitting at home watching tv, I wouldn’t mind answering a survey for 20 bucks - remember, I’m only getting paid $8/hour (Cnd) to administer the survey, you’re getting a much better deal.
As for dealing with telemarketers and surveys that you don’t want to do, don’t just hang up. I assure you, the computer database will tell us to redial your number every two days (where I work) for the duration of this survey. Just answer, say “not interested” or whatever, and I will not call you back - it’s a waste of my time. Also, don’t try the “I don’t speak english” line - my company specifically hires people who speak French and Spanish (we’re based in Canada, but we also call the US a lot), and they call you back later. Also don’t just say that “you’re just headed out right now” or “you’re cooking dinner” or anything like that, just say you don’t want to do the survey. Some people try the “putting us on hold for a long time” tactic, our companies policy is to only wait for one minute and then hang up - but this is a crapshoot as I will put you on the “Not interested” list, but I know that many of my co-workers get a perverse sense of glee in having someone call you back later. They know that it probably won’t be them that gets screamed at.
As for the “Do Not Call List”, I don’t know about actual telemarketers, but we do not have any such thing. Our computer system randomly generates numbers in the appropriate area code (unless it’s a survey where we’re calling you specifically, by name). Our “Do Not Call List” is then only for this survey. We usually have five or six surveys running at once, and they usually don’t go for longer than a month. So our company will definitely not call you back for this survey, but since the phone numbers for each survey are randomly generated, we may call you back again - please don’t jump down the person’s throat about this, it isn’t the surveyor’s fault.
BTW - the funniest thing happened the other day. I was doing a survey where I was calling Vancouver, and it isn’t uncommon to phone Asian people who don’t speak English very well (usually their kids do). Anyways, it went like this:
Lady: “Hello”
Sparta: “Hello, my name is sparta, I’m calling from X-Marketers on behalf of Y-Company. May I please speak to the female in your household who had the last birthday?”
[aside]We do this to randomize the respondents, as in many households, certain people tend to answer the phone, and this may skew the survey results[/aside]
Lady: [looong pause]
[strong Asian accent, difficulty with pronunciation, etc… - and I can hear people talking in the background]
“Solly, this number is not… in… service… please hang up and place your call again, this is a… recording.”
[/accent]
-hangs up-
BWAAAAA HAHAHAAAA - funniest stuff I’ve heard in quite a while, most people aren’t nearly that creative. I just put her as “not interested” and continued on, but that was a great light spot in my day.
(I also loooove funny answering machine messages, I’ve heard them all!)