This is gonna sound like the most horrible, cliché-ridden high school graduation speech you’ve ever heard. The thing about it, though, is that when it comes to facing advancing years, it’s the truth…at least as I’ve discovered it.
Develop a passion for something. Doesn’t matter what it is, but something that has enough substance to see you through those years…something you’re not gonna just give up on and walk away from one day.
I’m on the other side of 55, and my passion is what it’s been since I was 11 years old…music. If I’m not playing and singing it, I’m listening to it or writing about it. It’s the constant in my life that has gotten me through a lot of otherwise daunting changes and challenges.
The people I pity are those who don’t have a comparable passion for something…who seem to define themselves totally by the possessions they own, or the TV shows or movies they watch.
One of the perks of age is a certain gravitas. Around 40 or so, you’ve probably risen to some level of seniority at work, you may supervise others, you have valuable insight/experience, and people take you seriously.
At 24, you’re a puppy. Puppies are cute, but nobody takes them seriously, and when they piddle on the rug, they get smacked on the nose with a newspaper.
You are so right. Horses are my passion, my extreme sport is Eventing (what put Christopher Reeve in a wheelchair). I’m one of those horse crazy little girls that never grew up, and I’m having a blast and looking forward to moving up the levels.
The OP wrote:
Does this look like my best years are behind me? Keep in mind I’m pushin’ 50 pretty hard, these pics are from this spring. For me, THIS is the epitome of confidence and happiness:
My thirty-eight year old daughter was visiting Sunday and hanging out of her handbag I noticed an invitation to a “Jim’s Turning Forty” party. Mommy alarm bells went off. Uh-oh. My little girl is hanging out with men waaay too old for her.
No wait.
That’s what getting old is like for me. Time warp.
When I mentioned it to her she said it felt the same to her.
Turning thirty was the worst. My generation didn’t trust anyone over thirty, you know. I stayed home from work, got drunk and cried all afternoon.
Turning sixty was a piece of cake. It’s like I’ve proved that I am a survivor. The only hard part that’s left for me to do is die and if life is kind I may now reap some rewards of all the work and worry before I start on that new adventure.
The key for dealing with it for me has been learning about the concept of acceptance of what we have no power over. The other is learning that I’m tough as nails and every struggle has a gift hidden somewhere in the tangle.
If it helps, I started worrying about getting old when I was 7 (really). I’m 54 now. I can tell you that the years just keep ticking by whether you worry about it or not so my advice is to stop wasting time with that stuff. The quality of your life is due to the things you do and the people around you, not how old you are.
I would say the best years so far were probably my 40’s because of my wife and children. I finally had the money to do some things I couldn’t when I was younger and I was physically able to take on most any task. At 54 some things are in declined. It’s probably too late to take up some hobbies I would like to try but otherwise I have not complaints. Well, it would be nice to go out with some 24 year old girls again, now that I know what I’m doing, but that isn’t too likely even if my wife would let me. Women in their 30s are even better though, so you have something to look forward to.
So, get off you ass Scotty Mo. Forget whatever you didn’t do in the past and go from here. You have a lot of really good years ahead.
Oh, and **GET OFF MY LAWN YA YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER!! **
My hair started thinning about 25, and I grew it longer and combed it carefully for about 10 years to cover that. It wasn’t exactly a comb-over, but I was heading that way. I finally stopped worrying about it, got my hair buzzed fairly short, and threw the comb away. I wear a baseball cap when I’m outside, as you’ll sunburn the top of your head only one time, if you’re smart.
On other topics - I’m noticing small things here. Nothing that slows me down, but warning signs that I may not live to make 200 years. Some fine wrinkles on my skin, an extra spot with very little hair near one ear; the arches in my feet started to relax, requiring insoles in my shoes. I’ve got some hearing loss for higher pitches, and I have to turn the TV up a bit more than I used to, especially for Dr. Who - I have to concentrate to understand that damned british accent. Why can’t they speak english, dammit? Oh… wait… nevermind…
Other things - I can’t run as much as I used to, but I’m still fairly strong. My racquetball game is probably better than it’s ever been, and I can eventually wear down other players by being sneaky and more accurate, if not overpowering them. Remember, old age and treachery will overcome youth and enthusiasm at least 90% of the time, so don’t piss off us old farts, you hear, you whippersnapper! I do notice that I’m sore for longer after games, though, but it’s mostly muscle aches right now - no arthritis or any of that. Well - sometimes, since I’ve separated both shoulders over the years.
I’m out riding my bicycle more this year than ever. I plan to ride the DALMAC - 340 miles in 5 days - in September, and unless the bike breaks down, I fully intend to finish it. I won’t be the fastest rider in the pack, but I’m not trying to be.
All in all, I wouldn’t trade this for being 24 again, unless I could take every bit of knowledge back with me. I’ve worked for this level of decrepitude, and I intend to enjoy it!
Oh - one very, VERY important note that someone else pointed out. Start saving for your retirement NOW. Compound interest can do things for you that will truly amaze you. You only have to start as early as you can.
One down side about getting older is that you’ll start losing more friends. You’ve probably lost one or two friends from school, and some family members. There are few things more tragic than the death of someone taken before they had a chance to soar.
These losses will only come faster, too. It doesn’t get any easier, but time at least gives you some perspective on it. Recognize that you too are not immortal, and plan for that eventuality. And be sure to celebrate the important positive notes - the marriage of friends, the birth of a baby, the good times with those you love.
When you’re about to shuffle off this mortal coil, you won’t look back and be happy you made vice president of the Cloning Club of America, you’ll more likely be happy you had 57 great years with the person you married, the kids you had, etc. Love them now.
I turned 40 last month. People in their early 20’s look young and stupid to me now. They may be booksmart and have smooth skin get good grades, but most of them have very limited experience with the real world. Not that I’m brilliant or anything, but 15-20 years of adult life gives you experience and perspective that someone in their early 20’s doesn’t have.
In the long run, your health declines and you die. There’s no way around that (yet). If you’re at the tender age of 24, your decline and fall are probably a long, long way away. People do tend to gain pounds as they get older, but this can be avoided if you make an effort to adopt physical activity and a moderately healthy diet as part of your lifestyle.
Ask older people you know personally - not just on this site - how they feel about being older. I’d bet they are not less confident/happy.
WTF, you’re only 24! Holy shit, you haven’t had any life yet! I hadn’t done much by the time I was your age either. Rode a couple of bicycle races, but other than that, meh. I started grad school at 23. Learned to sail, went skydiving, met a lot of very interesting people and got exposed to all sorts of new ideas and ways to be. At 29 I discovered motorcycling, and it’s been a door to all kinds of adventure: local day rides, cross-country touring, track days, socializing with other people with common interests. In my 30’s I began to indulge my interest in making things, toying with woodworking and metalworking. What’s next? I don’t know, but I enjoy the wisdom I’ve acquired over the years, and I know there’s more to come.
My parents retired ten years ago. They are senior citizens and so you won’t catch them winning the 100m dash, but they’re living the good life. They were smart about living within their means and investing wisely when they were younger, and now they don’t have to work; they have all day every day to do whatever the fuck they want. How cool is that?!?!? They bought a pickup truck and a massive fifth-wheel trailer, and they enjoy touring the country. And that’s in between their international trips, through which they’ve seen the world, even heading to Antarctica to visit the grave of Sir Ernest Shackleton on South Georgia Island. (BTW, that’s something else you can do with your life. Read books, including this one.)
It’s a long, slow downhill run toward physical decrepitude and death; in the meantime, your body should be pretty healthy for decades to come, especially if you endeavor to take good care of it. At 40, my joints are a bit creaky, and my ass is starting to get a bit wrinkly, but I’m basically healthy. I’m no supermodel, but I look decent, and FWIW there are things in life far more important and meaningful than looking “awesome.” My parents have had their share of health maladies - dad’s had back surgery, mom recently had knee surgery - but as noted, they’re quite happy with their lives.
Then you make some happy memories. As you get older, you will have more access to the resources you need to enjoy life. They say money can’t buy happiness? They’re wrong. Fly out to San Francisco or Seattle, rent a car and head for the nearest national park and for two weeks of camping and hiking. You can’t really do things like that as a student because you’re dirt-poor. Buy a motorcycle, or some woodworking equipment, and enjoy exercising/improving your skill at motorcycling or building furniture. Take some sailing lessons. Learn to play the bagpipe. Use the internet to indulge your curiosity about trivia like the background of unrest in the middle east, or truly important things like the life cycle of the liver fluke. At 24 you say you haven’t done squat with your life? Neither has anyone else your age. (one year in the Peace Corps is something, but in the long scheme of things it ain’t much.)
Short version: take care of your body, and use it to expand your mind.
This reminds me of my college creative writing class where everyone was writing stories about people full of angst because they were turning 30s. This from 24-year-old writers. I was well past 30 at that point; it was very amusing.
I remember Isaac Asimov telling that, when he wrote the story “Host,” he used the phrase “the paler emotional urges of the 30s.” He got letters from older writers saying, “you have a very pleasant surprise waiting for you.”
In any case, if you watch your health, you can still be enjoying life into your 80s and beyond (an uncle of mine by marriage is in the late 90s and is doing just fine; his brother is 101 and gets out to play golf every once in awhile.)
I like getting older. You become more comfortable in your own skin, more aware of your likes and dislikes, wiser, more self confident, better at dealing with problems (because you have more experience and tools than you did at a younger age).
I am only a little older than 24, but wouldn’t want to go back to 24.
My big fear is my body is starting to get injured easier. What makes it really suck is that your body gets injured when you try to exercise to keep it healthy. I have been injured a half dozen times doing different exercises. The injuries heal but it sucks because you get injured trying to make your body more resilient. I don’t know if it is aging or just me. I worry it is just me and I injure easily.
Madison Avenue and Reality TV view you as pretty much invisible, so the pressure to be physically “perfect” fades. That increases your happiness significantly.
People stop treating you like, as mentioned above, the cute puppy that gets whacked on the nose when it misbehaves. You gain skill, confidence, and respect.
The sex gets better, even though the men are supposedly off their “peak”. Skill >>> enthusiasm.
24??? Junior, the socks I’m wearing right now are older than 24!
Once you get past the late 40s/early 50s there are certain advantages. What you do all night takes me all night to do; which usually results in a fully sated partner. And I can go to any ER anywhere in the country looking for painkillers and the staff automatically assumes it is because I have something that hurts. All in all it isn’t a bad deal.
I’m not even 40 yet, but this is the way I see it:
My body requires a little more maintenance than it used to for me to feel truly good and energized, but if I’m diligent, it’s like I’m in high school still. Also, I’ve been trained by small children to need less sleep, which is handy.
I am so much more confident than I used to be. And it is soooo much easier and more rewarding when you’re more selfish about everything than you used to be. Selfish is different than self-centered, mind you. I used to think that everyone was looking at me. That was self-centered. Now that I’m in my 30s, everything I do, I do for me and my family. For example, I don’t work out to look good for anyone else anymore. I work out for myself. I stay healthy for myself. I work hard to feel accomplished so I can feel good about myself. All these things I do also because I have a responsibility to feel good and be healthy for my family, but mostly they’re for me. And the best thing of all is that I don’t feel an ounce of guilt for being selfish that way. None.
I miss the freedom of not having children, but they’re much more portable than I ever imagined. They add certain considerations to the things I do and may affect the timing of what I do, but certainly don’t prevent me from doing what I want.
Oh, and the money. When I was 24, I was making a pittance. I’m still hardly rich and most of my money goes to paying tuition for daycare and preschool, but I would’ve crapped myself had I been offered my current salary at 24.
The only downsides I can think of are that I want to go to bed earlier (but that’s mostly caused by a kid who still wakes 3 times a night), I’ve got more expenses than I used to and I feel stupider every year.
FWIW I’m 64. Couldn’t be happier. Well, actually, I could if I could lose enough weight to be physically as good as I was when I was 34. And if my spine could lose the arthritis already. Other than that – it’s great.
I have so much more perspective, and I know what not to get upset about any more. I have a 5-month-old granddaughter that I get to spend every Saturday with. Life is great.
Heh. I’m 58, and I have two kids 24 or older.
I’ve still got all my hair - a bit gray perhaps, but all there.
I’ve got a good job and a good reputation. I’ve picked up all the degrees I want, and what research I do now is for fun.
I’m very happily married, for a long time, so I don’t have to worry about dating or any of that stuff. I’ve got a nice house with lots of room - no more small apartments. I’ve got more money than I need. I’ve got way more books than I need, many of which I’ve had for 40 years.
I’m almost in as good shape as I’ve ever been. I can walk five miles without hardly breaking a sweat.
But, best of all, in not that many years I get to quit working and will be able to spend all my time on the stuff I enjoy in any order I wish. Not that I don’t enjoy work, but 9 hours a day is a bit more than I’d like to spend now. As a bonus, unlike when I started, I’ve got enough computing power at home to do whatever I want to do. And I’m in no hurry. My father is 94, and my father-in-law is also 94 and still composing music. At a certain point in your life time is more valuable than money - I’m there, and pretty soon I’m going to be rich.
From my experience (as a 37 year old), what you are experiencing probably has more to do with transitioning from “teenager/college-aged young person world” into “adult world”.
I won’t lie. There are certain advantages to being younger. With your parents providing for most of your economic needs and school providing a bit of structure to your day, you really have little to think about other than doing your homework and finding stuff to do with your friends.
Young people have the advantage of assuming that any problems they might be having now - money, girls, career, whatever - there is plenty of time in the future to figure it out.
As a young person, you also have the luxury of not having to have your shit together for awhile. It’s more acceptable to drink a bit too much, smoke weed, float from job to job until you “find yourself”, date different people, living in crappy apartments with five buddies. There is a lot to be said for being able to just try different shit without feeling a lot of pressure that your behind some sort of life schedule.
OTOH, I can still do any of that stuff at 37 but the main difference is I have a lot more money to do it.
That phrase has become almost the standard challenge and response to birthday greetings in my family. “How does it feel to be (insert age here)?” “It beats the alternative.”
