I’m not for shitting on START. He seems like a decent kid. He likes Family Guy, so he’d be cool with me, and hell, if he’s at the SDMB, he’ll get a lot of good advice throughout his life because with everyone here, we’ve probably done it all, and can speak from experience.
For the record, the first assholish behaviour that I noticed was Jeff degrading Brian’s music. And Jeff was an asshole probably in response to that. He escalated the first thing. What your mom says, about you and Brian making fun of him because he is fat tells me a lot about these things. I’ll give you a little story about myself and my experiences.
Firt of all, you really want to be cool when you are a teenager. You are first starting off in life, and you aren’t very self-confident. If you have some other reason to not be self-confident, then its really, really tough. I imagine that Jeff probably has a really shitty life. Fortunately, I was never the kind of guy who could threaten someone physically, so whenever I got my feelings hurt, all I could do is try to grin and bear it.
I had a tough time when I was a little bit younger. I had bad acne, and I got made fun of for it a lot. You might have an idea of what its like, but its probably the worst feeling that you have. I had to change schools and start over anew. Its a really shitty feeling not having self-confidence. It continued into college. I had friends who were my “friends” in high-school who basically dumped on me left and right, and it hurt really bad. I wanted to be one of the cool kids so bad that my desperation was really the worst thing going against me. But then I lived in Europe for a couple of years and I thought the problem was that people’s attitudes are different there. Sure there are some differences, but there are some similarities. Sure, America is about being on top, and for a lot of peopel that means dissing other dudes to make yourself seem like the cool guy. A lot of relationships between friends are really just competitive friendships where they both try to impress the other the most. Its a strained relationship so try and stay out of those. This happens when nobody respects you. If nobody respects you then you have to get out. You should also try to respect them too. Don’t let friends be the brunt of all the jokes, that shit is sick and it really hurts people and ruins their lives.
Jeff obviously has a self-esteem problem and that sucks. I doubt that you’ll try to hang out with him much more, but in the future try to be with people that respect themselves and respect you. Those will be your true friends. If you act like you have something to prove then its lost already.
So to answer your question, You were out of line, Jeff was really out of line, and I don’t remember if Brian did something bad or not. I guess he could have disarmed the situation by not implying that Jeff music sucked (probably by really emphasizing desire to listen to his music). What brian should have said is that he preferred his music. When Jeff said it was gay he should have said, “Well, you’ve made your views known, now why don’ t you let someone else do the talking” (Royal Tennenbaums) I am sure he has said some things before about how Jeff’s taste in music sucks too.
You throwing shit out the window? Well…what can I say? You shouldn’t have escalated it, man. But then, what else could you do? He was being a major asshole by throwing the cd out of the car. I, personally would have made my opinion known about what I wanted to hear at some point in the conversation to try to defuse the situation.
But if you know this guy and will have to be around him a lot, try to show him some respect. Encourage him and talk to him about the good points of his music, etc and repect his opinion. Then he’ll stop trying to so forcefully assert dominance in order to gain respect. The cool thing about getting older is getting people to act the way you want them to by giving them something really trivial. He just wants respect, and if you have respect for yourelf, then it won’t cost you anything, and Jeff will stop acting like an ass and more of a normal person, hopefully.
The sad thing is that some people never learn this, and spend their entire life trying to assert dominance over others through degrading them. People like that are usually assholes, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that they won’t get far in life. They’ll be rich, and have beautiful wives. But at least you’ll know that you won’t have to play their game. Ever know an angry old man or woman? That’s the worst, because they STILL try to do this. They keep trying to get the rest of the world to bend to their desire, when it just won’t.
I wish I knew all of this stuff when I was younger, it would have made a lot happier.