Temporary, short-term love, and ADD.

I don’t think there’s any hope for me anymore, quite frankly.

If I think about it, I’ve been this way most of my life. When I was single, it was simple. It worked like this:

I see her. I fall in lust. Things happen or they don’t (MUCH more often this way) and I forget her.

Nowadays, I’m happily married, but I still do it. See someone, engage my mind in some mild fantasy, or sometimes just spend a few minutes thinking “oh man, is she pretty”, or “she was nice, and what a nice smile”…

Ok, we all do that, right?


There’s a whole slew of the “regulars”, women, girls even I see at various places. Cashiers at stores, or at the bank or something like that, who, when I see them, I know part of my day is going to be distracted by her.

Then, sometimes you just run into someone and there it goes again…the mind wandering into the land of “what if…?” And it’s not purely sexual (good god, does that mean I’m OLD?) , often it’s just me thinking “that’s a damn fine looking woman, I wonder what she’d be like to go hang with for a while…?”

I bring this up, because it just happened again, with one of the girls that affects me this way.

A, the cute youngish, pale, freckled redhead at Office Max. Just the prettiest thing, always smiling, always asking me if the wheels on the bus still go round and round then laughing. I bet she’s not 25, and yeah she wears a wedding ring, but it’s not like either of us are going to go anywhere wrong with this. Hell, she probably already forgot I was just there, while I’ll carry her around the rest of the day.

There used to be the very Cute Little Pharmacist Assistant, where I used to live. I mentioned her in another thread months ago, because after getting drugs from her for a couple years, on the day I went there for the last time, we spoke and she confessed to a crush on me. Damn good thing I was leaving town too, because she was a sweetheart and I haven’t always been the poster child for Willpower, Inc.

D, the office assistant at village hall here. I see her a few times a year - tops, and I spend a couple days at a time afterwards imagining her whispering really nasty things in my ear in that little drawl she has.

S, the secretary at one of our elementary schools. Get this, she’s asian, and from Kentucky. Know what that’s like to have a cute little 35-ish asian lady grab your arm after you solve her problem, give you a little squeeze and (there’s that drawl again, yeah that’s a weakness for me…) say “y’all are just great Bus Guy, thanks!”

J, the lady that lives in the HUGE house across from one of our schools. Met her on the phone a year or so ago, dealing with a traffic problem, and took care of it. Then at the school’s open house a few months later, she came up and introduced herself, and HO-LEE CRAP. Maybe 35-40, kind of petite, curly brown hair and a tendency to wear really snug slacks, and wear them really well. She volunteers at the school, so I see her every couple months and it always starts anew when I do.

The lady standing behind/next to me at the parade yesterday. You know who you are, you in the black t-shirt and those white capri pants, watching your little daughter have a ball chasing candy tossed by politicians. If I had to spend another minute listening to your infectious laugh and watching you chase your daughter around and fight with her over whether Smarties were better than Tootsie Rolls, I was going to shove your husband, (you know - the weasel in the white Hanes tank top and NASCAR cap) and my wife under a float so we could escape somewhere. Of course, right now, I can only vaguely picture you, aside from your long blonde hair and those capris, so maybe it wasn’t meant to be…Even though we both crave the lure of Smarties, you and I.

I mean, I could go on, but you’re getting the idea, right? I fall madly in lust, oh I’d say 8-10 times a week, and almost without fail, don’t spend a minute thinking about whoever it was, even hours later.

And you know what? Just now popped into my head, tonight’s a board meeting. J, the reporter for one of the loacl papers will be there. Long haired, asian, ALWAYS walks in 7-8 minutes late, making an appearance in her stillettoes. She seems a bit slow the times we’ve met, but still…I wonder…

And because of the Pressing Transportation Issue of the Month, there’ll be a crowd there tonight. I’m sitting here wondering if C, the tall, svelte, gorgeous blond will be there. After our community meeting last week, at which Yours Truly, stood in front of maybe 200 fairly hostile people, answering questions and trying to deal in fact, not emotion - C, came up to the front of the room from where I kept stealing glances at her standing in the back. She made a beeline for me, stuck out her elegant hand, introduced herself and thanked me for making everything logical and understandable and that she now supports our recommendation to the board, because she understands it, and she’ll pass the word to her neighbors for me. Beautiful, articulate AND she likes me and thinks I’m smart, and admires my courage for even coming to a meeting knowing I’m going to get crucified. Yeah, C I kept in mind for a couple days… So, I believe I’ll make sure I wear a nicer-than-normal shirt than I usually do, just in case she’s there again…

You’re a guy. It’s what we do. Deal with it.


Oh man, I know exactly what you mean:

There’s the front desk security guard at another company, who I see twice a month when I go there for meetings. Heavy-set and probably too young for me, but very cute and always friendly – he knows me on sight now and never asks for my ID anymore. He wasn’t at the desk when I arrived last time but he was there when I left, and the blush and smile when I told him I’d missed him were priceless. I’ll see him again in a week, spend a few minutes wondering just how old he is, then not think of him further until the next time I’m there.

There’s the Toastmasters guy I see at every training event, contest, and conference (so 3-4 times a year) – seems to be my age, no ring, attractive, ex-military, good sense of humour, etc. We dance around each other a little, in the way that single people sometimes do, but we’ve congratulated each other on contest wins. Every time I see him my heart races a little, but as of July 1st I won’t be attending training events or conferences anymore… sigh

And there’s the guy I met Friday night at the outdoor concert, who I might see again at this week’s concert: tall, lean, blonde, with blue eyes behind stylish glasses, definitely too young for me, tries a little too hard, has an opinion on everything, and I should probably really be more interested in his quieter friend (who I work with) … but there’s something about him that makes me hope I see him again.

Believe me, there are others – it’s not just a guy thing. :wink:

I once tried to explain to a young female friend of mine how men saw her, under the veneer of friendship and politeness and respect for her accomplishments as a person.
“Think fluffy young kittens”, I said. “Yummie sweet adorable funny little kitties. Don’t you just want to hold them? Pet their little round furry bellies? Laugh at their antics? Take them home with you to have and hold and cuddle and make happy and cuddle again? Even though you already have a cat you love back home?”

“That’s how men feel about you.”

I know there are some men - maybe even the majority - in committed relationships who don’t go through this bullshit, but a lot of us do.

I have a friend, very funny guy, recently and very happily married, who described the condition:

"I was walking through London. It was a sunny summer’s day. The streets were lined, practically paved, with unbelievably hot chicks wearing next to nothing. And I started to get frustrated. And then to weep inside.

“And I suddenly had a vision of myself falling to my knees in the street with my pants round my ankles, jacking off furiously and screaming ‘OK, YOU WIN! I submit, I SUBMIT!!!’” :smiley:

What he said. Stop obsessing and deal with it. You’re a grown man with a wife, not some angsty teenager. Look but don’t touch.

As my father once said to me - “It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.”

A very wise man indeed.

Married does not = dead. Fantasies are free, and they often make day to day life much more bearable. Looking and thinking are permissable. Touching ain’t.

Married 16 years, very active fantasy life, several male friends who also enjoy a light hearted tease. It’s all good. :smiley:

“You can look at the menu, but you can’t order.”

I don’t know where that phrase originated…but I first heard it from my wife.