I get this a lot. Our main competitor is across the street from our store. When we get a customer looking for something that we are out of they usually threaten to go across the street. As if making this threat will magically make the item they’re looking for appear.
Customer: Do you have item X?
Me: No, I’m sorry but we are out of that right now.
C: Well, I guess I have to go to your competitor then.
<Poof!><Item appears>
M: What do you know–we do have it!
Idiots.
Ugh. The worst part of working in a retail pet store was undoubtedly the phone calls.
“Um, yes, my dog is bleeding from her anus. Is that a symptom of parvo?” I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure you should take it to the vet. This is a retail store, not a vet.
“Do you carry Heartguard?” No. We are a retail store, not a vet.
“Do you have a Sherpa bag for a Great Dane?” Um… No.
“There is a dog down the road here at Zaxby’s. Can one of you come and pick it up?” No. We don’t have the facilities to house animals not owned by the company. We can’t risk exposing the store’s animals to the diseases of one we may find in the street. “But he looks so hungry! Don’t you love animals? Can’t one of you just take him home?” No. We love animals, and we love OUR animals and don’t want them exposed either. We are a retail store, not the pound. Call the pound. “But they’ll kill it!” And it’ll die horribly from starvation or the wheels of a car if you don’t. Which would you choose for yourself?
“Hi, can I speak to someone in the pet department?” I have no answer to this. I put them on hold, waited a sec, and picked it back up saying “Pet department!” Obviously the Pet in PetCo isn’t enough of a hint.
As if in-person people were any better. A little boy once came to my register and asked if I could fix his hamster. Then he opened his hands… and was holding a dead hamster there, obviously squeezed to death. It had his fingerprints in it. His mother had just pulled up to the front and let him come in alone (barefoot, wearing only swimming trunks) to get a new one. No, he didn’t get a new one. Then there was the Vietnam vet who would come in every Friday and buy a new fish, presumably because the old one had died. Every week he’d rant about the "Goddamn wetbacks!"while being rung up and given a new care sheet (because he had obviously lost the old one.)
Do you by chance work on an archipelago?
The strangest incident of this I’ve ever heard of came from a coworker. He watched a woman take a T-shirt out of the display cube to hold it out and check the size, then wad it back in and take a folded shirt instead, saying “I wanted a pretty one.” He was so pissed off he immediately shook out her second shirt to ring it up. Lady, they’re refoldable.
These are not things that I learned in retail, so much as they are things that drove me to fantasize about stabbing people in the face. Enjoy! :
• Being annoyed that an item advertised as being on sale in our circulars is already out of stock 30 minutes after we open is understandable. Yelling at me, a minimum wage earning sales associate because we’re “false advertising” is not. I actually had to sarcastically apologize for not having the motivation to “get down to the printshop 1000 miles away to change the type before it went to press” before he would stop screaming at me (I only did this after 2 minutes of him screaming and waving his arms in my face).
• Stomping away before turning around and heaving a circular saw 30 feet through the air at a cashier is not a reasonable reaction to the news that the Craftsman Guarantee does not apply to your particular tool. It applies to hand tools, not your 30 year old rusted power tool.
• I don’t care what you were allowed to do in German parks after the war in 1950 (wtf?!?). You can not smoke a cigar in a print shop full of paper in an American city with a public smoking ban. At least I can attribute this one to dementia as opposed to malice…he was a perfectly nice guy with a few screws loose in his head.
• “Yes, our color copies are 59¢. We sure do have bulk discounts! No, I’m sorry, 10 copies does not qualify you for a bulk discount.”
Dilbert doesn’t, but Retail does.
ha ha ha if only i did!!
the arch would probably have better weather…
I just got home from a day of retail hell. I seriously hate everyone now. I have never had anything so thoroughly bring out the worst in me. I have NO idea why I thought this would be fun.
Today, a woman demanded that I order white shirts in a certain size for her. As we’ve already mentioned in this thread, this is WALMART. We are not a boutique.
A woman called with a question about DISH TOWELS and was transferred around the store for about an hour and a half. Honestly, I enjoy answering the phones and I hate when this happens. I wish other departments were staffed well and answered their phones. But dish towels? Who stays on hold for an hour and a half for dish towels. Lady, they’re $2/dozen, just come and grab some!
I saw more mullets, bratty kids, rude people, and people in their pajamas then I ever want to see again. Who wears their pajamas shopping? This is more common than you might think.
I work with people who don’t even bathe. Sitting in the breakroom during all the “legally mandatory breaks” is torture. I mean, I didn’t expect it to be like a mensa meeting but COME ON! One girl I work with talks babytalk and yells at me all day.
I am SO out of there!
Pyjamas were originally Indian outdoor wear, brought to the English-speaking countries by the British. Somehow in the English countries they became sleepwear and loungewear. So maybe your pyjama-clad shoppers are going back to their roots. 
I wish they’d go back to somewhere. Heh.
Back when I worked retail (for 15 years, thankyouverymuch, and enough time has passed that the scars hardly show), I had a stock-associate colleague whose name was spelled oddly. She was tempted to make – and wear – a tee shirt that said:
You have my sympathy and empathy, KnitWit.
p.s. Whatcha knitting, between shifts?
I’m knitting mittens for gifts, tons of them. And a really, really difficult sweater, which can be seen here:
http://www.virtualyarns.com/scripts/showitem.asp?ID=61
And I just finished a hat so my husband doesn’t freeze. And I’m all out of sock yarn, which they don’t even SELL at Walmart so I’m pouting. I work on them in the breakroom while the meeting of the minds takes place.
I apologize for the hijack but seriously? That sweater is wholly and totally beautiful. (And what name shall I stalk on Ravelry to watch your progress?)
Sock yarn: have you tried Blue Moon Fiber Arts “socks that rock” yet? mmmmMMMmmm! (not affiliated, just a Serious Fan!)
Oh dang…hurting to hijack. Should I e-mail you? Socks that rock totally rock. I vowed to knit up the yarn I had before buying more. Big mistake. Never do this.
<continuing hijack>Wait, what? I know people who collect STR with no apparent intention of knitting it. As a “guest” can you PM? Elsewise, I’m JustJen on Ravelry.
<now returning to the regularly scheduled – and completely valid – whine about retail this time of year!>
I started, lo!, these many years ago, as a retail alterations lady. (The store director worried when he hired me because I was too young, too tall, and spoke English too well.) Had a customer return a pair of trousers because one leg was 1/16" longer than the other.
Honest and true!
“The customer is always right.”
Absofucking bullshit.
Perhaps retail could be made better if new corporate employees with MBAs be required to spend their first 30 days on the job on the retail floor, then one day a week (minimum) for their first year.
Well, I started promulgating the following Law:
**All customers, regardless of their intelligence outside the place of consumption, are idiots. **
The corollaries from this law are both stunning and useful.
The first corollary is, “Yes, that includes the person repeating this law.”
The second corollary is, “This explains why home shopping channels work so well: they turn the customer into an idiot, who will buy anything, by turning the home into a place of consumption.”
The third corollary follows from the Law, and the first corollary: For small ticket items it’s usually okay to be a bit of an idiot. For big ticket items, do your research first, away from the place of consumption, even to knowing what the prices you’d consider acceptable. Then go to make your purchase. Preferably with the price, brand and model desired written down. If the sales person tries to take advantage of your diminished state by haggling, either get the deal in writing, and leave the place of consumption to consider it - or turn it down flat.
I still can’t provide rigorous cites for the law, but by following corollary #3, I’ve managed to avoid a number of scams, and “bargains.”
Oh, and I make sure to thank the retail people I interact with. As several people have mentioned upthread - a little understanding and appreciation goes a long, long way.
hotflungwok - A fellow veteran of the Temple of the Great God Murphy! K-Mart was soul-destroying.
I have always said that EVERYONE should have to work in retail and/or as a food server for a while. Perhaps we should amend your suggestion to “Everyone in Corporate has to work on the floor, for 30 days as a new hire, and then at least one week during every holiday season, including weekends, every year thereafter.”
Old ladies in fur coats are cheap. They always argue about prices.
I work in a hardware store, why are there ladies in fur coats there to begin with?
I still work in a large box store. I remember one time there was a very serious weather issue–very high winds and a tornado that touched down the equivalent of a few blocks from the store.
The guidelines at the time were to get everyone(customers and employees) over to the domestics (towels, that sort of thing) area just in case things started flying.
We gathered everyone over there. Management was on the phone periodically with the Sherriff’s Dept to see if there was an all clear.
I remember one woman with a small child in her buggy throwing a fit that she could not go shopping about the store! She was busy! She needed to get her shopping done and GO!!
Ma’am? Where are you going to go? You’re going to get blown over in the parking lot.