I’m foreseeing sumo-like retraction into my abdomen, not shrinkage. My penis, on the other hand, might well shrink away into invisibility.
I once got my finger trapped in one of those beach deckchairs in such a way that the trapped finger prevented me from standing up to release the pressure trapping my finger; furthermore, because I was off-balance, it was an extreme effort just to lift myself up enough to prevent my finger from being badly crushed.
If that sort of thing ever happens to my nuts, don’t bother trying to free me; just shoot me in the head.
Should I have said “Ann Coulter” instead?
I trapped myself in a lawn chair once. I probably wasn’t any older than 5, and was small enough that I could fit through the space between the back and the seat. Lord only knows what possessed me to think this was a good idea, but in the process of doing so the chair was tipped off-balance and folded up right around my midriff. Sprawled face-up on my back as I was, my own weight giving the chair extra folding power and was squeezing the breath out of me. I was thoroughly unable to extricate myself from my idiotic predicament – I probably looked like nothing so much as an overturned turtle – and I had to call out to anyone in the house for help. Well, gasp for help, since I hardly had the breath to make more than pathetic whimpers. Fortunately my pleas were heard and I was rescued from the boy-eating lawn chair.
This has nothing to do with my balls, but I thought I’d throw it out there.
The anecdote, not my balls, though in retrospect I don’t suppose my balls enjoyed the experice any more than I did.
The thing that I find most deeply disturbing about this thread is that the headline writer perhaps thinks “testicle” and “debacle” rhyme.
It reminded me of a dialog on the otherwise very forgetable movie “Event Horizon”, paraphrasing, a rescue space ship aproaches a larger ship, they look for a place to dock and use a giant pincer to get a grip on something:
-The captain points to a truss structure: “grab that”
-The ship designer: “that´s not a load bearing structure!”
CRUNCH!
-Skipper: “Now it is”
Probably the only good line on the whole thing. 
Ah, he must be that one dude you always see riding the chair back down the mountain at a ski lift.
This part is completely prepostrous.
The chair was wooden. He must not have had balls long if he let them dangle carelessly in the Outer Banks of splintery hell.
I think the thread title is the best genuine example of a potential band name I have ever seen. Last real band name to catch my eye so instantly was Zombie Ghost Train but Testicle Debacle or The Testicle Debacle would do.
There was an event like this with an up-to-the-minute play-by-play on Fark.com a few months ago.
It was called a “Ballsack Conundrum”.
Jeez… don’t they have a “put down a towel FIRST” rule at these Croatian resorts?!
Ya mean Scroation?
Bela Abzug and Richard Simmons in a clinch.
…sorry 'bout that.
Join the club…I read the thread title exactly the same and wondered what the debate was about…and then I read the article and thought, “oh nuts…”.
I once knew a guy who had three testicles (really) and his nickname was “tri-ower”, for obvious reasons.
(oops)…nickname was “tri-power”…
Was it the same guy who was recently on an episode of “Blind Date”? He also had two toes that were webbed together.
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do watch too much television.