amarinth that is truly a tragic story. Boys, don’t try this at home.
Seriously.
No, really, don’t.
(but if you really really must – and I think I’m on record as finding it a Very Bad Idea – make sure you use your non-ripping hand to anchor the skin and hold it taut.)
Ho ho ho! I’m gonna be keeping my ears peeled for nocturnal_tick’s screams of agony tomorrow. If trey goesh’s account is what it is like I have nothing to worry about, I recently had my armpit tattooed and, although it hurt, I kinda liked it.
Guys…guys, this has been a wonderful occasion for humor, but seriously, don’t do something that will get your friggin’ nutsack ripped off. As truly weird as this idea is, knowing humanity, you’re probably not the first to attemp it. Maybe there are pros out there who have had clients with similar depilatory goals. It’s possible the beautician, or whoever it is that forcibly pulls hair off of people for a living, might refuse to wax a scrotum, for the reasons alluded to above. If so, I would do as the pros do, and refrain from trying it on my own. You owe yourselves at least that level of precaution.
<wipes nervous sweat off of brow>
Hmmm.
Hey, howabout laser? I mean, are you fair-skinned? With dark hair? You might be an ideal candidate for permanent scrodie hair removal! I’m pretty sure that while laser involves some level of physical discomfort, no strong mechanical forces (and the associated risk of de-sackification) are encountered in the process, and after a few sessions, you could have bald testicles every day, without muss or fuss.
Please, for the love of Pete, give that a look, will you?
No, I’m sorry but the ball is rolling…testicles will be waxed, skin may get flayed but God damn it it’s going to happen.
Thas CRAZY TALk, MAN! :eek:
Mysterious Sounds Shatters Windows Throughtout the Greater Metropolitan London Area
-From wire dispatches
An excrutiatingly loud screaming sound was heard throughout the greater London Metropolitan Area today, a sound so loud that it shattered windows in both Buckingham Castle (setting off a terrorist alert in the process) and other areas of the City.
Norbert Flemm, a grocer on St. Filbert’s Lane, reported, “I was washing some mangoes when this scream such as you have never heard comes out of nowhere - I thought someone had cut the cat’s tail off with the meat slicer, but it was much, much louder than that. The next thing I knew, all the windows started shattering. I got glass in me qumuats.”
The RAF scrambled a number of fighters from Quimby-by-the-Cess Pool Air Force Base when a number of windows at Buckingham Palace shattered, spraying shards of glass throughout the building. Hoyt Hoyt-Hoyt, her Majesty’s Deputy Undersecretary for Housekeeping, Window Washing, and Bidet Cleansing reported that the Royal Family was not in residence, but that Her Majesty, upon hearing the news, asked for another sherry and said “And get these damn corgis out of my bed.”
MI5 is investigating the matter, and Tony Blair has declared that “The terrorists responsible for this attack will be hunted to the ends of the Earth, provided that its OK with George W. Bush.”
Given the topic of this thread, that was a really really poor choice of words! :smack:
>>I have nothing to worry about
if a priss like jessica simpson can do it to her privates, i’m sure you can too.
in fact, now that i think back on it, i don’t think i even got an endorphin buzz.
the one downside is that i’ve since gotten a couple of ingrown hairs right along my asscrack. fortunately, my girlfriend is willing to go after them…
Plnnr That was priceless 
:applauds plnnr:
Wait a minute, should I be applauding?
:eek:
Alright, here we go. I have in my hands 64 waxing strips (water-washable, which I think is a good thing). The lower half of my body is going to be somewhat smoother tonight. Keep your ears peeled for screams 
My friend, you have balls, or at least I hope you still do.
It is done.
For those of you who were expecting screams of agony, I am afraid that I have disappointed you. Let me give you the story, not exactly on par with Master Wang-Ka but hopefully enjoyable nonetheless.
So I have the waxing strips in my hand. I wanted it done professionally. It was too expensive.
“Oh well,” I think, “I’ll just buy some decent wax to do it.”
The best I could come up with was those hand warming devices of torture, I mean, wax strips. Anyway, I’m as excited as a schoolboy. Well like some kinky schoolboy. The day has finally come to find the truth to WILLASS’s question: Can you wax your nuts?. I go upstairs into the bathroom, then change my mind and go into my bedroom. I figure I can get more “leverage” laying down. I read the instructions and it says to try out an easy patch to get the feel of it.
“Okay,” I think.
So rubrubrubrubrubrubrub, pull the two wax strips apart (you get two in one, this will become relevant in a little while.) and on it goes just on the inside of my thigh, a nice flat space with a reasonable amount of hair.
“One, two, three,”
and off it comes. And on the second piece goes and whoosh. Now that wasn’t so bad. The pain was pretty bad but for a few seconds and it’s gone. I look down at the pink, smoothness amid my “ginger jungle”. It looks like things aren’t going to be that bad. But I still wasn’t ready to commit to the ol’ nutsack just yet. Leg hair is one thing, pubic hair is a whole different story.
So another rubrubrubrubrubrub later and I slap one onto the top part of my pubes, just above Mr. Johnson. This one is a bit tougher. I take a deep breath, psyche myself up and
“Uno, dos, trez”
and off it comes. This one stung a bit more. I look at the strip and I’m thinking
“Where is it?”
I look down at my nether regions. It looks like my penis just went punk. It’s covered in wax and I’m panicking now so I put the strip back down, rub it nice and hard and
“Uno dos trez”
Some wax is now off with a few hairs, the rest still an assorted mess of wax and hair attached to my body. Now add problem #2. The second pull may have been to hard as a patch of blood spots has now emerged in the corner.
“Aaaaahhhh”
I’m trying to think of what I can do.
“Water washable”,
I think and jump off the bed to rush to the bathroom. But wait, the parents are downstairs and seeing their 18 year old son run naked across the hall with waxed pubes is good for no-one. I open the door and have a peek. All clear. I hobble across to the bathroom, because, you know, I don’t want to spread it about. Into the shower, and down comes freezing cold water. It doesn’t matter though, because I’m more worried about rubbing this stuff out. Water on its own is not good enough. I grab the shampoo. One lather, rinse and repeat later I’m feeling a bit more comfortable. There’s still some wax left but everything’s in order. So I am as tired as hell now what with all the panicking and some blood loss, so I take a rest, put the wax away except for one piece. After dinner, I go upstairs. I look at this one piece of wax remaining. I’ve got the whole angel/devil deal going on. One side is telling me,
“Do it Daniel, think of your fellow Dopers, you must do it for them, fight the ignorance.”
Meanwhile I’m remember the pain from last time and all I can hear is my nutsack going RRRRRRIIP!. I bite the bullet, drop the shorts and give another rubrubrubrubrubrubrub. But this time I’m prepared. I’ve brought with me a nice, ice cold drink so once I’ve pulled the wax apart I place the bottle on my private regions. Now for those of you still ignorant of the fact when male genetalia meets cold it shrinks to become something similar to female genitalia. So I’ve cooled the fellas down and on goes the strip, this time a bit more delicately. (I learnt my lesson.) So there I am, thinking,
“This is it, there’s no turning back now, it’s gotta come off.”
I hold on to my nuts as best as I can pull it taut and whoosh off it comes. Now this was undoubtedly the second best of the lot. I look at the strip and there’s some hairs and definitely no blood.
“Phew” I think until I look down again.
There’s still loads of wax left.
“Oh, not again” I say.
But wait. Remember I said that they comes in twos. Well there it was. The last wax strip, just glaring at me, waiting to hurt me some more. I figure I can kill two birds with one stone, get rid of the strip and the remaining wax. Down upon the two veg it goes and I sit there comtemplating again.
“What if I was lucky last time? What if this time I will actually rip off my nutsack?”
Too late now so I start counting.
“One, two, three”. I count again, “One, twooooowwww!”
Off it comes and still no blood. Didn’t help matters much though, a few less hairs but just as much wax. And so it all ended with another waddle down to the bathroom.
Am I glad that I did it? Yes, it was an experience, after all.
Would I do it again? Not by myself, I’ll tell you. But professionally it doesn’t seem that bad.
And the moral of the story…
Dopers make you do some silly things.
Pubic hair is a lot tougher than one would expect.
If you are going to wax, get it done properly.
Are you my soulmate?
I meant to add:
because now I know there is another person out there who did the “Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!” dance to the tub with wax stuck to their, um, fun parts.
Good try. Those little curly bastards do hold on, don’t they?
That was great, nocturnal_tick. Just great! Thanks for the giggles.
I’m glad my pain was good for something. Even though there are still some hairs left, I must admit it does feel a bit smoother.
It looks like me and Rez are part of an exclusive club now, not one you’d tell your friends about though.
It is the sound of ultimate suffering…my heart made that sound when Count Rugen slaughtered my father; the man waxing his nutsack makes it now.
nocturnal_tick:
Just too smeggin’ funny! With that type of dedication to the cause you’ll go far!! 
I have to say, I think I’ll stick with either the razor or Nair. But not the roll on stuff, that’s truly oven cleaner! :eek: Mostly the razor is the MO. HWMBO found this shave cream for shaving the “girlie bits”. It does seem to cut down on the razor burn. The stuff we have is from the Family Dollar chain of “fine imported” merchandise. I’m not sure of which brand they’re cloning.
I understand the 2 day itch Willass, but geez I don’t think I’m quite butch enough for that!
Again, thanks nocturnal for your fine research project! 
Alright now, WILLASS, my end of the bargain is done. Now it’s your turn.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
No, it’s not really that funny…Ok, it is.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You are all welcome one and all for your gratutities. So…one patch of testicle hair, we’ll start the bidding at $1000.00, shall we?