You forgot The Sandvich.
Awesome, downloading it right now. It’s also 50% off ($9!) if you decide to buy it, which I definitely will if it runs OK on my computer. Thanks for the heads up!
I don’t even play TF2 – I don’t do multiplayer 'cause I’m chicken – but I’ve been avidly following the free goodies they produce for a game that’s nearly two years old because they’re just so much damn fun and clever.
The “Meet the Spy” video is definitely my favorite because it shows us interaction between the “cast” and actually has a little plot to it. (The production team seems to have an increasing level of animation mastery, too. Wouldn’t a full-length film – or even a 30 minute cartoon – be awesome?)
I love Valve so freakin’ much. From the vids to the sneaky “hey we’re updating the sniper…no, actually it’s the spy…no, actually it’s both!” fakeout to the spot-on parody of the Charles Atlas comic ads for the “Jarate” unlock to the good-natured, self-deprecatory “Robin Walker’s firing everyone for the early leak of the Spy video” series of blog posts… Is there another games company with such a vivid sense of humor and creativity? Again: for a game that’s coming up on two years old? All free?
Since I couldn’t do L4D either (see aforementioned me being too candyassed for multiplayer), I cannot WAIT for HL2:E3 and Portal 2. C’mon Valve, you have yet to disappoint me!
The fake updates are actually so you don’t see games entirely of sniper vs sniper teams, if one class gets updated it gets massively over played for a while.
You shouldn’t. Everyone starts somewhere. I have played maybe 5 games of TF2 and would probably suck as hard as you. Go! Play!
Are there servers for newbies? I just know I would get killed in about two seconds (and far worse, I would probably cause my teammates’ deaths!).
I’m not sure the average lifespan is much longer than two seconds. So you shouldn’t be too afraid of playing. Not like you’re entering a league where there are prizes that you’d be costing your teammates or something.
Just go in and start shootin’ things. 
Fuck if I know. I play on the console. I presume there are servers for new folk. Even if there aren’t, just hop in and play a few. I’d recommend playing as the Scout, Soldier, or Medic and hopping in and figuring out the maps.
There’s a balance to strike. You don’t want to just go hopping in and shooting things, but you don’t want to throw it to the extreme that you’re currently at and be a video game wallflower. Figure out the maps, follow your teammates, and have fun.
Used correctly with a competent heavy, demo, or soldier, the kritzkrieg can decimate the whole enemy team. The problem with a regular uber is that anyone that sees it coming just runs & hides behind cover for 10 seconds until it wears off. This isn’t a problem with a kritzkrieg run, as the enemy has barely any time to react to a well-placed critical sticky grenade at their feet. Often you can pop fully charged medics (and their buddies) before they even get a chance to use their uber.
The nice thing about being a newbie to TF2 is that the teams are pretty big (12v12 or more), so you don’t have to worry about a lot of people counting on you. Just hop in and follow your team around (Soldier is probably the best class to start out as). Everyone (even the best players) tend to die frequently, but a respawn is just ~15 seconds away!
No worries, there’s no friendly fire in tf2. Server capacity ranges from 10 to 32 people, depending on how high the server chooses to set it. There are a lot of servers dedicated for “TF2 Noobs” but in all honesty you’ll find a lot of non-noobs in there, too. The best way to get good at the game is just dive in and mess with it. Eventually you figure out the classes you like the most and it’s definitely one of those games where the more you play the better you’ll get. Everyone was a noob at some point! I used to be terrible as a sniper (I was top of the team in TFC so having to learn the new controls/feel and being at the bottom of the list again was pretty damn annoying) but with lots of practice I got back to the top eventually.
SPY CHECK!
Stupid anti-caps mechanism…