(My turn to bitch and whine and wallow in self-pity…)
So, over the last two months, I’ve been going through a real career crisis. I’ve wanted to move away from being a secretary for over a year now, and my last assignment was unbelievably bad. I was there for 10 months (I agreed to 3 originally) before I finally quit to have a short vacation before finding another assignment. The last 8 months were so bad that I would have a crying fit before dragging my ass in to work on Monday mornings. I was also working with my big sister, who, I discovered, has absolutely no idea what it’s like to be on the bottom rung of the working world and be treated like shit by your employer (she’s a chartered accountant). I didn’t let my sister know anything about how badly I hated the job and the way they treated me because I thought it might cause a conflict of interest for her, being about third level management there.
Now, while on vacation, I hurt my foot, and can’t work until mid-September, and when I can go back to work again, I really really really don’t want to go back into the office environment. So, I am working with EI to try to get funded for career re-training, because one of the perks from being a secretary is the carpal tunnel syndrome I have in my right wrist. Meanwhile, I am not having a very fun time, with not being able to work, not having had a cent of income for 7 weeks now (I’ll be paying my rent with my bank loan this month), trying to figure out what my next career move should be, not really being qualified for anything but menial jobs and secretarial work, and just generally feeling totally crappy and lost about my career(or lack thereof).
Well, I talked to my big sister tonight, and she was kind enough to tell me how stupid I was to quit the last job, and how stupid I am to only want to work part-time (due to the carpal tunnel syndrome), and how generally stupid all my career moves have been, and will be in the future, I guess. Thanks, I really needed that right now. Support and positive attitudes? Who needs that crap? I get so frustrated and pissed off with this crap from her; I am doing my best to hold it together now, and make things work out for myself. The last thing I need right now is my own family making me feel even worse about the situation I’m in. Nobody can make you feel worse about yourself than family; I wish she would realize that, and not feel obligated to kick the shit out of me when I’m down and out at the moment. She’s a good person overall, but sometimes I just can’t stand her, ya know?
Ain’t family grand? My brother had the balls to tell me I was stupid for living at home, that I should get a job so I wouldn’t be burden to my parents (while I’m going to college)…He tells me this while he is sitting in a federal prison for narcotics violations. I didn’t quite get it. Your sister is in a much different situation than you as far as that job is concerned. Maybe if she actually understood how much you disliked the job, she wouldn’t have said you were stupid for quitting, etc etc. Tell her to have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up, you’ll take care of yourself, whether she bitches about your choices or not.
And remember, things can ALWAYS get worse. Be thankful for what you have, just take some time and decide what you want to do as far as careers go. Maybe go back to school or something, become a brain surgeon…I dunno
ONe thing I have noticed it’s that people with a financially satisfying career will freely tell you that you should be happy with the career that you have. I am in a similar situation as you. I wake up before work and have a panic attack and throw up roughly half of the time and people constantly tell me to suck it up. If I suck it up any longer I’m gonna be malnourished. I also can’t afford to quit.
On the job front, the only advice I can give is to find career training that you actually want, not simply something for extra money. I’m stuck with a 80 000 degree that I have no use for…
Tell your sister to support your decision or F**k off. I did that to my siblings a few years ago and they now treat me remarkably well.
I have (well, had) tution exemption at my current job. It helped me get my master’s, but the taxes were so heavy (until the last few semesters when they extended the tax-free possibility to staff as well as officers) that I had to take out a loan anyway and my savings were wiped out. I also became increasing unhappy with my job. My financial situation sucked, and would not have been much different had I been able to find another job.
Every time I talked to certain friends about moving on, they’d lecture me about how the tuition exemption was a wonderful perk and I should stay. These friends are all making about half again what I am and some have dual-income families. They’re calling me “silly” and implying that I’m not thinking straight; meanwhile I have no money and am hating my situation so much that sometimes my school work suffers for it. (Btw, I am frantically looking for another job now that my degree’s done.)
featherlou, your sister is only seeing things through her own personal lens, if you will. She has no idea what your life is really like. What you know to be bottom rung and being treated like shit, she may very well see as an easy paycheck and nothing to complain about. I’m not sure what advice to offer; I never could get it through my friends’ heads how bad I was feeling. Maybe if you could put some emotional space between her and you for a little while? Not cut her off entirely, just try to tell her how you feel as clearly as you can, and if she refuses to try to understand, back off for a bit and concentrate on getting to where you need to be.
Well, thanks for listening to my whining. Glad to hear that other people are going through this crap, too (I mean that in the best way possible). What frustrates me so much with this situation is that I’m never sure whether to tell her to take a hike, shut up and mind her own business, or tell her that her criticism is really hurtful to me. So I basically say nothing, and she probably has no idea she hurts me like this. Maybe if she starts in on me again, I’ll very politely ask her to either support me, or leave me alone about it - that her criticism isn’t helping me at all. That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?
I’m working on the career front. It seems like every day I figure out one more piece of the puzzle, so I’m hoping I get there someday.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, then come sit next to me”…no wait, that was Mae West I think…Don’t say it all, yeah, that’s it!
Tell her how you feel, and if she drags it out and continues to make you feel bad about it, just get up and walk away (A bitchslap would help get the point across too)
featherlou, I can apppreciate not enjoying the job you are currently in. I have had multiple careers, including being a secretary. I graduated high school, went to secretarial college where I graduated taking shorthand over 100wpm, and I typed over 100wpm, but the thing is I hated to do office work. I can also understand why you like temporary work, it helps to shorten the suffering. I then went into the military and actually really enjoyed that, but knew I need to continue my education, so when I got out I went to college. I am now an engineer and make a decent wage, actually make that very decent wage. I hit poverty during college but it was worth it.
Tell your sister flat out that you are not happy with what you were doing and that you really need to better yourself. You have found that secretarial work is not your cup of tea and that you will be going back to school. I found that when I told my friends and family this, there was no flak even from those that always see the cup as half empty. You yourself admitted to not openly admitting to your dissatisfaction with your current career, so how can you expect her to know.
Now about going back to school to get a new career, do whatever it takes to do it. There are alot of loans and scholarships out there. Good luck. If you get to feeling down about this career change, don’t hesitate to e-mail me and I will be your cheerleader.
