What the hell is up with all these stupid cumrags driving their ATVs, quads and dirtbikes down the middle of the road this week?? You are NOT supposed to drive your fuckin’ jump-bumper on the public roads any more than I am supposed to drive a go-kart on the highway!
You see those fields on the side of the road - you know, the dirt and not the asphalt? THAT’S where you’re supposed to drive your ATV, cuntbucket! It’s not like there’s no alternative to driving in the exact center of the road at what, 5 or 10 miles an hour, in an area full of curves with the roadside hedges JUST high enough to hide your pathetic little quad so that I can’t see you’re there and I come around the corner at 35 mph and you’re RIGHT IN THE FUCKING WAY.
And I suppose if you’re enough of a moron to ride an ATV down the road to begin with you’re not going to be smart enough to stay in one lane so I can pass you, huh? Asspickle.
You’re just fuckin’ lucky the road is level on one side at that particular point, 'cause I had to put two wheels off the road so I wouldn’t run over you and dent my mother’s minivan and your useless skull.
And don’t think I didn’t notice the beer between your legs, fuckrocket.
Last year about this time, came around a corner at a high rate of speed ( for a bicycle at least) dead center in my “bicycle only” lane, a big ole’ quad. Driving slowly. Barely had time to swerve around him. Three tenths of a mile ahead a Trooper was parked doing paperwork. I pulled in front, leaned my bike against the cruiser, walked to the window and asked what could be done about what just happened. The Trooper turned around in time to see the quad still on the road. “I know who he is, where he lives, and how he will be punished.” My question was “How?” The answer was “He’s my son.” Two days later a sign was in his lawn “Quad for sale.” Life some times works.
Well, living in farm country I’m so used to tractors and reapers* and other large machinery driving down the road that they dont’ even phase me anymore, except of course for when they refuse to move over and let me pass despite the fact that they are going 10 miles per hour and won’t be turning into the field for another three or four miles. And at least you can see them coming, right? The quads really, really piss me off though because they are so small and easy to miss until you’re literally right on top of the fuckers.
As I wrote this I had a mental image of a farm reaper being driven by the Grim Reaper. Just thought I’d share.
Alright. I understand, ski-doo owners, that this was the first sensible snowmobile season of the last five years or so in Newfoundland… however, please consider the following:
Your ski-doo will still lose in a collision with a car. Emphasis included because you bungburglars don’t seem to realize that ‘speeding’ across the Trans-Canada Highway at a miraculous 35kph won’t help you if I’m travelling at 100kph and it’s snowing hard while blowing a goddamned gale. There is no possible reason that your (beer) bottlefed ass needs to be on the other side of the highway, when there’s more snow than you could possibly ever ride out on EITHER side. Grass-is-greener wifebeating bagnuzzlers. Sounds like I’m attempting to look out for the both of us, but truth be known I just don’t want you fucking up my car.
One time I was driving around up in the sticks and I got stuck behind this dude driving a horse truck with some horses in it, going ten miles per hour. I was so used to city driving that I was amazed, and for a second, didn’t know what to do when he pulled over to let me pass.
I waved and thanked him profusely. Shit like that makes my day sometimes.
Tractors and other slow-going vehicles on the road only bother me during the rush hour. Surely they could wait half a bloody hour and get out on the roads after 9am?
The same goes for any council vehicle on its way to mend the roads. Please, please, please wait until after 9am before setting up your roadworks.
Obviously, if your vehicle isn’t legally allowed on the road, don’t take it out on the road.
