I was kinda hoping it was Rachael Ray.
I feel so sorry for her. How embarrassing.
Maybe that’ll become a security screening question.
Airport screener: “Has anyone asked you to carry something onto the flight for them or have any pieces of your luggage been out of your immediate control since packing them?”
Passenger: “No, and no.”
Airport screener: “Do you or anyone you’re traveling with today have any kind of condition that would cause you to break wind excessively? Do you have a habit of lighting a match after you pass gas? 'Cause if you do you’re not getting on the plane.”
Actually, I think you’re on to something here. Someone could easily take a brown paper bag to the restroom, fill it with their excrement, light it with safety matches, leave it on the doorstep to the cockpit, knock the door and run away.
Then, when the pilot comes out to stomp on the bag and, realizing his misfortune at having stepped in excrement, yells out “You damn kids!!! I’m going to get you, by God, if it’s the last thing I do!” the terrorists would take advantage of this temporary security vulnerability to slip into the cockpit and hijack the plane. Easily.
I’m on the phone with Homeland Security as we speak. Don’t worry, I’ll have matches banned by next Tuesday.
She dealt it, they smelt it.
Or something.
HAW!
I smell so many farty pongs on planes, why would she have reservations about letting one rip? And if she has a chronic problem, I know they have charcoal cushions that you can sit on to dissipate the funk. (We were going to buy one for a co-worker in my old office once as a gag gift, but no-one wanted to order it using their name and credit card.)