I am a regular user of public transport in the form of trains, trams and buses. Apart from having to put up with cell-phone users, meth-heads mouthing off blasphemies at all and sundry, and homeless folk using the seats as their doss-down, there is always one fucking fly.
Now, this fly is generally a little 'un, not a blowie. It buzzes gently around the window next to you for a couple of minutes, lulling you into a false sense of complacency.
Then it decides to land on your neck.
So, you swat it away.
Within a nanosecond, it is on your eyebrow.
So, you swat it away.
It returns to your ear, and before you have a chance to shoo it away, it’s on your nose, then your eyebrow again, and then it throws caution to the wind and goes for the really sensitive area on your neck (yet again). You swat it away because it is annoying the bejesus outta you.
So you move seats, and the contemptuous fuck follows you, this time playing touchie-feelies with the right upper-quadrant of your cheek. Argggghhhhhhh.
In the meantime, you look like a complete and utter loon, swatting and slapping at (apparently) imaginary crawlies every few seconds. And there’s only ever just ONE of the little cunts, and while they are annoying the fuck out of you, they are leaving the other passengers in respite…but they’re looking at you strangely wondering if you are one of the meth-users with a bad case of the heebie-jeebies.
Fuck. Are you telling me that my pit thread has already been done? By The Wedge?
Yeah, well I’ve never watched it, and the fucking fly that bugged me today and two days ago and a week ago was a gazillion times more fucking annoying than any fly that crapped on that program.
There’s a guy who reckons he’s John the Baptist, complete with robes and staff, but he doesn’t wear round glasses or carry a camera so I guess he’s not Yoko.
So, is it just me? Haven’t any of you experienced the darstadly experience of having a single wee fly annoying the buggery out of you on public transport??
Even worse is when they get in the house, and insist upon landing on you while you’re sleeping. You’re too sleepy and lazy to get up and kill the damn thing, so you end up laying in bed desperately trying to sleep while swatting the bastard every three seconds. After half an hour, you finally give up.
Yeah, but the ones in the house, the single ones, tend to be blowies (at least down here in Australia) and they like to make noise and dance around the room but mostly not on your anatomy.
The ones I am talking about are the flies with separation issues…the ones that feel a desperate need to be close to you when you’re sitting there trying to read your newspaper.
THEY’RE the fuckers that need to die, but unfortunately, they’re too quick to be swatted with the rolled-up sports section of the paper.
I find that those flies are Australian. Proper 'Merkin flies go away after awhile. Australian flies will follow you until one of you drops dead. Fortunately they have a shorter life span than humans.
Flies on public transport are like crying babies, drunks, or talkative loonies. You never see TWO of them and then none the next trip. Nosirree, there is ONE. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Perhaps they were following you’re perfume or hair spray. Anyway, just rub a little “Off” or other repellant on your arms. The scent isn’t bad if even noticeable. Maybe that’ll help.
But how if that fly had a father and mother?!
How would he hang his slender gilded wings
And buzz lamenting doings in the air!
Poor harmless fly,
That, with his pretty buzzing melody,
Came here to make us merry!
I’ve used every repellant under the sun back when I used to ride to work and flies plagued my every mile.
They don’t work. I found I had more flies with the repellant than au naturel :smack:
I know the horror of the Single Fly, but I’ve only ever encountered it on Sydney Buses and trains. So my working theory is either that it doesn’t happen down here, or that there’s people much smellier than me on our buses and trains that attract all the flies away from me. The latter theory is the most likely one, but it’s nice to dream.
Wait until January there will be four flies annoying you on the train. But you will be thankful because once you get outside there will be 15-20 buzzing around your face
