That reminds me of a story. A really, really long story...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

I usually don’t revive threads that have fallen off today’s lists. I figure this one fell off because of the Board being down. It may just be a rationalization on my part, but I feel some people are enjoying this train-wreck of drivel. So now it’s back.

If you have something to share, feel free. If it has nothing to do with anything mentioned so far, don’t let that stop you. Even if it’s just to say “This is some darned good bean dip.” that’s fine. The joke would be on you though. That’s not bean dip. It’s guacamole. Someone spilled their Coke in it.

We have more mottos. If you want one, that’s fine.

Here’s one: If you teach a man to fish, he’ll eat for life. But it’ll be fish. Fish morning, noon and night. Fish, fish, fish. It would be maddening. If you really want to help someone, teach them to rustle cattle. Then they could eat steak till the posse shows up.

That’s one big motto, but it could be yours.

Something good happened yesterday. The lesbian next door gave me her breast to gnaw on. That got your attention, didn’t it? My neighbor does happen to be a lesbian, but that is completely beside the point. It’s really a non-issue, but it made for a startling statement. Even more startling than “my neighbor let me chew on her breast”. Anyway, she grilled a whole turkey, and it was too much for her and her girlfriend to eat, so she dropped half the white meat (breast) off for me and my family. Way cool for us.

If you have something to add, fire away. Be warned, I’m not ressurecting this puppy again. Unless I feel like it. You just can’t tell.

Extra motto: You just can’t have too many five gallon buckets. (Oh, you think you could do better mottos? Well, let’s just see.)
-Rue.

42

The “Post subject” was supposed to be:

** We gots more booze, ice, chips and dip… let the “Cocktail Party” thread be reborn!**

I forgot all about the no-no of putting stuff in quotes in that line. It’s fixed here. Carry on.

43

Damn, I severely need a Pepsi right now. Or any caffeinated beverage. I’d even settle for some of that Coca-Cola stuff. dying

44

Was it the weekend shutdown which gave birth to such a cool thread, or is it simply that Rue DeDay has come into his own? The question of a million inquisitive tongues would be: “His own what?”, followed by an increase in subscriptions to the porn channels to try to find out, but I digress.

Why is it that humour can be found in a seemingly anachronistic hang-over of colonialism such as the French Foreign Legion? And what will they call them when all of France’s empire is gone: the Domestic Legion? (Probably hire 'em out as au pairs. Camels come extra.)

Mottos. Who really needs ‘em? Sort of like the blazons over crests, there to balance the heraldry, the sense of family honour. My first school had the motto “Act Well Your Part”. I was extremely lucky that I was born too, too late to have to sing the little song that goes with that. My next school had “Aim High”. Can’t remember if I did, but I certainly remember seeing plenty of tennis balls aimed nice an’ high an’ blocking the downpipes.

If someone came up to me an’ said, “Here. Choose a motto,” it would be “Patience and Persistence … spiced with a little insanity, a twist of bitchiness, and served up on a platter of sheer cussedness.”

As for you, kind sir, I’d merely label you as “Rambling, but oh so cool.”

Thank you.

45

I just wanted to pop in and say I’m enjoying the hell out of this thread.
Carry on.

:smiley:
Rose

46

I do not know how you found out about my second job, but I wish you wouldn’t go bandying it about for all to hear. I have a reputation to consider. And while we are talking about reputations, I would like to set the record straight, I have never been to Dallas. I have been to San Antonio, but that was only to “do” the Air Force.

I have thrown the feather duster out so now the only feathers are that toy that my cat plays with. The problem with French Maid outfits are that they never seem to fit right in the upper torso area. You find yourself just busting out all over. then there are those awful high, high heels. How can you do any housework in them. Last time I tried to clean a bathroom in high heels, I fell on john and nearly broke the plumbing, but we all had a good giggle about where the soap landed.

Speaking of busting out, did it seem that spring came a little early this year? Then June gloom in May, now we have August humidity in July. I figure we might as well get our turkeys now, cause Thanksgiving will be in September. Maybe someone finally invented a weather machine like they always did in the cartoons, but rather than reap the financial benefits they are just taking over the world. I wonder how that would work, would we have to get new zip codes for this new world order or would we be allowed to keep the old ones. If we get new ones I would like one like 12345, it would really be easy to remember and make a great conversation piece.

Oops, time is passing and since I am really under a time schedule at work, I better look like I am doing something.

TTFN

47

The last time I posted to this thread I thought it would be the last time I posted to this thread, but that was obviously incorrect. Hence my motto offering:

You never know for sure if the last time is the last time.

But for now I need to do a little laundry pre-treating. We had lunch at Hooters and I dripped some sauce on my, errr, well, on the front of my shirt. My husband insists that thanks to my, errr, endowments, I never have to worry about food dropping on my shoes. I notice he’s not such a smart-ass when he wants to enjoy my, errr… never mind that.

Rue, thank you so much for reviving this thread. It has been the source of joys uncounted. Plus I got to share a private joke with Bumbazine and that’s always a plus.

<air kisses all around>

48

I’ve been secretly reading this and am joyous that it is revived again. Don’t ever let it die. Pwetty pease? With a nice bottle of beer on top?

49

And on that note, have you ever stopped to ponder why you always know when you’ve seen the first robin of spring…but never when you’ve seen the last robin of fall?
Taz

50

More mottos for the mottistically lacking, courtesty a very amusing book I’m reading right now. (It provides FAR too much motto material for one lone couple to consume, so just like the lesbians and Rue’s breasts, we’re going to have to share them out.) The best underused mottos from this source:

  1. Justice isn’t functioning very shipshape.
  2. Tut, tut. Chaos is come again.
  3. That beats the devil. That’s diabolical. That’s fiendish. That’s just not right.
51

Oo, oo, deepbluesea, can I have dibs on “Tut, tut. Chaos is come again”? This just so suits my lifestyle like you wouldn’t believe!

52

Ice Wolf, my dear, it’s yours. Let me just write your name down in my Giant Ledger of Motto Registrations and Claims, and…there we go. You, Ice Wolf, are the official owner of the motto “Tut, tut. Chaos is come again.”

Pass me the chips.

53

I’m not going to touch that. I did think it was funny, though. Kat threatening people with Pepsi was not funny. arachnidlove and the Beer Incident wasn’t so much goodly either. I got them both Rusty Nails for the “Cocktail Party” ambiance. They might get drinks later.

I guess I should be more understanding. More accepting. But I was brought up Roman Catholic. Not a bunch known for their understanding and acceptance. Nope. Disagree with US and go straight to Hell. A real Hell, too. With lakes of molten fire, brimstone, devils with pitchforks, the works.

Not like the Hells you get these days. Hell Lites. Just bad humidity and they make you wear alot of wool. Like the Victorians. Only without the croquet. (Motto: It’s not Hell as long as there is croquet.)

You know who’d do OK in Hell? Ice Wolf. Being ice and all, he’d probably be OK. Maybe a little shrinkage, but it is Hell after all. The shrinkage would be part of the torment. And Ice Wolf, this thread has been perking along for a week now. There’s little date stamps under the usernames so you can tell.

I just got a call from my agent. When they make this thread into a film, Wayne Knight is in the pipe to play me. I’m conflicted on that. They were going to CGI a Body Heat era Kathleen Turner for Don’t-Call-Me-Honey-Butt deepbluesea, but Daisy Fuentes expressed interest. We’ll see how things go. Chris Rock will play jr8. The Francesca, FairyChatMom and Bumbazine parts are still uncast. Janeane Garofalo, Elizabeth Hurley and Alyson Hannigan have all made noise about wanting to be involved. The Bumbazine part is still up in the air. If that doesn’t get fixed we’ll have to take an NC-17 rating and that could kill our video sales.
-Rue.

54

This is a really long thread. If you haven’y kept up or just got confused…

Posters so far…
Rue DeDay
Jeeves
Carina42
Francesca
Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor
jr8
FairyChatMom
Bumbazine
Ikujinashi
mobo85
deepbluesea
Kat
Ice Wolf
Wicked Blue
deb2world
arachnidlove
and
Tazma

Mottos so far…
Nothing like a good mouth full of tight teeth.
It’s better to seem mature that to actually be tall.
I may be English, but I’ll poke you in the eye. Doofus.
Deep fry that bastard.
I may be too poor to afford Upper Case Letters and s p a c e s, but I got clean socks.
At least we’re not North Dakota.
Never throw anything out.
Why should I care about French maids on crack?
Every one wants an easy FairyChatMom.
Friendly friends are the best friends a friend could have.
We do it for the fun. We sure don’t do it for big-money shoe endorsements.
Pie is pretty darned good.
Never turn down a good deal, especially if it’s free.
Not that I’m easy, mind you, but I can be amenable if conditions warrant.
All I need is love. As long as the love comes from an International Underwear Model named Gretchen who has a real nice car.
If it hurts, you ain’t doin’ it right. If it still hurts the second time, try more lubrication. Like WD-40. Or bacon grease.
More wonton here, garçon.
Better to be safe than popular.
Better to be an unpopular freak than Ulysses S. Grant. 'Cause he’s dead.
Napping on the edge of the Laziness Event Horizon.
Mockery and Froot Loops! My favorite!
Maybe I should go lie down.
Do not disappoint the pedagogically - not to mention typographically and compositionally - challenged.
There will be absolutely none of that!
Twisting and distorting the self-images of women everywhere. Apply now and get a stereotypical costume thrown in! No catch! Absolutely free!
Always go before you go. You never know when you’ll find a clean toilet next.
You just can’t have too many five gallon buckets.
Patience and Persistence … spiced with a little insanity, a twist of bitchiness, and served up on a platter of sheer cussedness.
Time is passing and since I am really under a time schedule at work, I better look like I am doing something.
Justice isn’t functioning very shipshape.
Tut, tut. Chaos is come again.
That beats the devil. That’s diabolical. That’s fiendish. That’s just not right.
That should bring you up to speed.

-Rue.

55

Rue, what a great cocktail party! Despite the synopsis, I’m still a little confused. No, I’m not asking for any explanations - I like being confused. It’s sort of … intoxicating.

I love the Donner party bit. It makes me wonder if Santa ever said: “Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and … Hey, what the hell happened to Blixen? Dammit Donner!”

Oh, and I also wanted to say that I think heresiarch would be a cool new screen name. I de-lurked just to tell you that. But in order to de-lurk I had to register and, well, I’ve only thought up one cool screen name so far…

sorry 'bout that.

Uh, what’s the protocol? Is there some kind of bizarre, embarassing, heathen initiation ritual around here? Or do I just have to track down Crunchy Frog and bite him?

56

Wow, Rue got someone to de-lurk. May that forever be on your head. Or your arms, if that’s where you like to carry things. Which is much more sensible because arms are better for carrying things. It’s the opposable thumbs at the end of them that does it. Are your fingers at the end of your arms, or do hands count as separate entities? Mmmmmmm… entities.

Motto for Heresiarch: I am neither a heresy nor an arch. Unless you want me to be. But if you do, you must tell me via the gift of semaphore.

[sub]Welcome to the boards[/sub]

If deepbluesea went to Hell she could quench all the flames. She’d be like a saviour. They might make her an honarary angel and she could have special wings made. Motto: If the devil ever meets deepbluesea, there will be wings. Possibly chicken.

I would like Zsa Zsa Gabor to play me in the film.

57

I’m not pouting - really. I know you’ve got a lot going on here, Rue and you can’t be expected to keep track of every single solitary motto offered for consideration. Then again, maybe it’s not really a motto - maybe it’s merely an adage or an aphorism… or a bon mot… or a pithy observation… or nothing more than the incoherent ravings or an attention-starved, middle-aged woman.

Or it might be a motto.

Happy Monday to You!!

58

Wow, that was a really good riff I had going there. It apologized to ** FairyChatMom** for ditching her faboo motto, pointed out I dropped the ball on my own “Teach a man to fish…” motto, proved mathmatically if you can put “and that’s my motto” after a statement it’s a valid motto, and it went peltering off from there.

It had everything. Zsa Zsa Gabor, the Pilgrims, cruise ships, cheesecake, vomitting, camping in Indiana and alien abductions. It had a whole subsection on if deepbluesea, FairyChatMom,
and my Puddin’ Francesca were all in a rowboat and I could only save one of them from Nazis… well, that part had eels in it.

It bounced through a Romulan de-cloaking and incomprehensible screen names á la heresiarch. A great Capt. Kirk bit there.

Then I felt the need to check spelling and “Preview”. Did you know the “Clear Fields” button has nothing to do with farming impliments? Nuh-uh. Not a bit. I tried to rebuild the post from scraps of DNA, like in Jurassic Park, but it was a no-go.

I’ll just put out more dip and sea-worms… I mean shrimp… and let things take their course.

Please, FairyChatMom, go back and re-read the “dewy cheek” passage. Middle-aged? P’shaw!
-Rue.

59

You know, I’ve been pre-treating a shirt since late 1976. I’m never sure when I should actually getting around to treating it, which I assume should be the next step before actually washing it.

I’d put the Spray N’ Stain stuff on it, but that would actually be treating it, wouldn’t it? So here I languish, in the pre-treating stage, trying to accord it all the concentration and reverence I can muster, so that someday I might actually get to the treatment phase.

No, I’m not in treatment yet. Why do you ask?

Can I please have a motto? Please?

60

Maybe it’s time you treated yourself. Go on – you deserve it.

Errm… how about:

“Motto spelled backwards is ‘ottom’”
“It’s always Tuesday somewhere in the world. Except when it’s not.”
“Cat’s are like fuzzy meatloafs, 'cause they’ve got no eyebrows.”
“Never slice a pickle with a teaspoon.”
“There’s always room for Jello[sup]tm[/sup].”
“Cows make me laugh.”
“May the banana of time fit snugly into your lunchbox.”
“There’s no ‘I’ in team – but there are two in MrVisible.”
“There’s an unfilled niche market for ‘Squid on a Stick’, albeit a very, very, very small one.”
“Where’s Waldo, and why does he only own one shirt?”
“Always eat your vegetables, lest they eat you first.”
“If I had a hammer…I’d trade it for a banjo.”
“Cows – ha ha ha ha. See? Told you they make me laugh.”