Hi all, long (loooong) time reader, first time poster.
Vague title, I know. Catchy though, don’t you think?
Anyway, perhaps it’s best if I give you a brief rundown of my life, so that you could get some perspective on my question.
I’m 19 years old, soon to turn 20, which has prompted in me a quarter-life crisis, I guess you could say. Right now, I’m currently living the standard 19 year old life - I attend college and work part-time during my breaks. I have a variety of hobbies, am a member of several clubs, have good friends, etc. I plan on studying abroad sometime soon, if I can scrape the money together. It’s a good life, and I enjoy it, for the most part. But sitting in a dorm room drinking every weekend can get old, and it seems like all anyone ever does is play video games.
Yet sometimes, I feel as if I’m wasting my life. I’m young, I’m healthy, I have few responsibilities. It seems like there’s something I should be taking advantage of, but am not.
To those who have passed this stage in their lives, look back. What were your fondest memories? More importantly, now that you’ve left this point, what do you regret not doing? What opportunities did you pass up? If you could go back, what would you do differently? Now that you may be burdened with a career or kids or deteriorating health or what have you, what do you wish you took advantage of in those more carefree days? Did you leave dreams unfulfilled?
Basically, I hope your wisdom and experience can help guide me into making the most of this time in my life.
I regret not going to college to fulfill my dream of becoming a veterinarian. I have a great job that pays pretty well now, but I’m 47 and stuck being a mechanical designer. Don’t get me wrong, I like it a lot, but it wasn’t my dream, you know?
I partied, I had a good time, I just didn’t stay focused.
Stay focused. Don’t get married because you “think” you’re in love. Don’t have kids until you’re 30, and only when you are settled and married and that’s what you want, not what you’re expected to do.
Use protection, not just for prevention of pregnancy. So many STD’s out there, dontcha know.
Hmm, sounds like you are already living the life. Now you just have to not slip into any “burdens” for the next 60 years and you’ll be yourself.
My biggest regret is taking so long to open up to people. I was terribly shy and had little self confidence. Now, at 22- it seems I am quickly escaping youth. I wish I had tackled into the people that I was curious of emotionally then. Strange how small 4 years ago looks, but in memory and maturity (for myself) it is mountains ago. Say hello and grow.
Most of the stuff you will remember will be the extreme stuff. That goes both ways but don’t ever be afraid to push the envelope in small but memorable ways. Make a point to do things differently from time to time. Ruts are easy to slip into and often regrettable.
Do well in school but don’t be too hyper focused on its grand significance on your life unless you plan to go to grad school. I busted my ass in college and did very well and all that focus is now reduced to “list your undergraduate school and years attended” on employment documents. No one cares what your GPA was when you are 25 (again, unless you want to go to grad school).
Sleep with as many people as possible. Double up if it makes you more efficient.
I have to say, my perspective differs significantly from this. Get married and have kids when and if it feels right. I did both at age 20, and now that the time-intensive child rearing is over, am well on my way to having the career of my dreams, built on the security and stability of almost 20 years of marriage. It worked for me, might not work for you. But, that’s not really what you asked, is it?
My advice would be to find and enjoy the things that a young, healthy, unattached person can indulge in, that others might not be able to. Rock climb, sea kayak, spend a couple of months at an archeological dig, cave dive, learn to design and build custom motorcycles, etc. Any and everything that strikes your fancy as maybe being kind of cool, try it. Any place that seems like you might like to see, go there, even if it’s only for a weekend. And Shagnasty is right, don’t shy away from any sexual encounter that intriuges you.
I’m 23, so I’m not that much older than you and haven’t accumulated a ton of regrets. My advice would be this: if you think you probably want to do something, go ahead and do it. In terms of activities, that is. There are very few things that are actually worth being nervous about, so just forget about nerves and try things. That’ll probably cure your boredom, too. Busy people tend not to be bored.
If you don’t feel like you’ve had “fun” yet, try to find a way to have it now. Somehow–and I can’t tell you how–find yourself a group of people to build a lot of crazy memories with. Have a summer when you go 24 hours without eating and 48 hours without sleeping just because you’re having so much fun. It doesn’t have to be drinking or drugs or sleeping around. My own lost summer was about nighttime walks, “parking,” movies, dinner parties, frustrating and perhaps permanently damaging several vulnerable young men, and making one old man very, very happy.
Mostly, it was about enjoying my near-total lack of responsibility in those months. I was young, beautiful, unattached, and just discovering what I was capable of.
You sound like a guy, but if you were a girl, I’d suggest making an effort to be “fabulous” for a while–hair, nails, clothes, makeup–it boosts your self-confidence, which multiplies the probability that you’ll find the people, places, and times to do this.
I just want to point out that stuff that you enjoyed in your youth (as a kid) that you thought was behind you has a way of catching up with you again later. Never forget your good memories. When I was younger my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles taught me stuff about great authors, traveling, hiking, places & museums to visit, knitting (ok, crafts), great music; that I still return to to this day.
Keep and never forget the good stuff.
And major great friends too. Never lose them either.
And write down somewhere or keep a journal of the stuff that really makes an impression on you so you can go back and remember it later.
I’ve just turned 25, but I wanted to add one thing: Take lots of pictures!
I have albums upon albums, but there are still lots of memories that I wish I had paid more attention to. People I see in the background of photos suddenly wind up in the foreground of my life, and I regret not taking the time to capture experiences with them more completely.
[“don’t-worry-about-it-if-you-don’t-get-it” joke]
Dearly beloved…we are gathered here today to get to this thread title…
[/"dwaiiydgi"j]
Oh, and I second the “lots of pictures” suggestion. Also, write things down. Keep a journal, even if it’s the most basic thing possible – “Saturday, 2/4/06, went <whereever> with <whoever>”. believe me, it’ll have meaning down the road.
It’s 2006, fer chrissakes. I think they prefer to be called “women” nowadays. Sheesh.
It is Life. Everyone has a different take on it. Get married when you know it is right. I got married at 23- huge mistake.
Take a lot of photos. Write a lot of letters. Keep in touch with folks, even if it takes effort, because 15025 years from now, they will be the foundation of your social circle.
Gotta second this. A few months ago I went to a retirement seminar (I’m eligible to retire in 4 years) and one of the things the leader said was that the best way to ensure you’ll have money when you need it is to start saving when you’re young. Even if it’s just $10 per week, that’s over $500 by the end of the year. And if you make sure to increase the amount as you earn more, you’ll be so much more financially secure when you’re ready to retire. Or you’ll have a cushion in case of emergency.
Sad thing is I used to save like crazy when I was a teen and into my 20s, but I got out of the habit when I got married, and we got to a point once when we had less than $100 in the bank - pretty scary when you have a baby.
My daughter is about your age - she turned 20 in September. And she’s a saver. She may not have listened to all the advice I gave her, but she took that instruction to heart. I promise if you do also, you will thank me one day. Develop the discipline to save money.
you know, seeing as how a couple people said that we young’uns should go out there and be sexually experimental…we need to start a doper eharmony thing. i konw it’s been done and nixed…but…yeah.
Eonwe beat me: STUDY ABROAD STUDY ABROAD STUDY ABROAD!
Getting your ass to another place for an extended time will never be this easy and life-changing. If you’re just a sophomore or second-year or so jump on it. Do it.
Take classes in things way outside your major. Take an art class. Take a sailing class. Train for a marathon. Drag your pals away from the Xbox and on a hike. Tell them there will be beer hidden on the trail.
It’s funny reading this OP, I’ve been thinking about posting something very similar. I’m at this stage right now. Some days I feel so lucky; I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. Some days I think, why does it matter if my whole life is ahead of me, if I’m just going to waste it accomplishing nothing?
Ever have those days when you go to class or work, come home, hang out alone/with friends, whatever, DO STUFF, but do nothing that changes you, makes you better or smarter or whatever? It feels like so many days lately are like that. Ya, I’m doing well in school, yah, I’m working hard at my job, yah, I’m having fun with my friends, but so? Is this all there is? I’m in a rut.
I’m really going to look into doing a semester abroad. Any suggestions from Dopers as to great universities out of the country?
I’m 38 and I’ve had a very interesting time so far.
I’m like a broken record on the SDMB about this, but I’d say save up a bit of money (not a lot is needed) and travel, travel, travel. I mean seriously spend a long time in different cultures and countries, before you have too many responsibilities to do it. Learn how other people think, and what it’s like to view your own culture as an outsider. It’s daunting before you get out there, but it’s simple once you arrive: you realise that “the people walk on the sidewalks”* same as anyone else.
Also, I’m happily married now, but if I could go back roughly 20 years, I’d have way more sex than I did. I turned down a lot of certain opportunities for various stupid reasons, and I regret all of them now. All I feared was rejection but now I know that rejection is easy to handle. If it looks like you can, and you want to, and nobody’s going to get hurt, do it.
You usually regret the things you didn’t do a lot more than the things you did.
*A phrase of my dad’s about the shared commonality of humans - and also the reason he failed his German language oral exam.
I know where you are coming from. When every day is minorly satisfying, and its not because you aren’t taking the fullest when the fullest comes, but there is some thing missing.
It’s like you have to connect days to days and those days to weeks and thread all of them together into other time spans. You could either be one of those people who grasps and lives each moment on the top or be willing to dedicate to a journey of thinking that may go, well, who knows.
i love the idea of this. it’s rather attractive. travelling the body truly has a limit, but where the mind can go is infinite. And we keep our bodies here for a certain amount of time for our own reasons.
)