Hell, I’m handy enough. I just don’t like it. I work and make money so I can have other people work around the house for me. That’s what money is for, after all, to exchange for goods and services.
Preferably while I’m out doing something I enjoy.
My dad did the same with one of his friends, except the two of them actually built an entire house. Why was it only the two of them? Mr. A was very active in his church and various charities and had plenty of friends, but when it came time, the only one who showed up was my dad.
The thing is, Mr. A was the kind of friend who actually understood what the word meant, and as much as he received, he gave. That’s not so easy to come by, as this thread shows.
That’s REALLY what it boils down to for me.
And without going into details, this dude spends money on a lot of “fun” stuff that I don’t spend money on, money that I might have spent on a contractor.
I see it as “you didn’t need that kegerator and bahamas trip”. He sees it as “at this point in time, I don’t want to pay a contractor.”
A little while ago, my car broke down. A guy I know who does a lot of auto repair stuff in his free time offered to fix it for free, if I paid for the parts. That guy was a good friend. Now, if I had tried to use our friendship to leverage free repairs from the guy? I’d be an asshole, and he’s be all kinds of justified in telling me to go screw.
Of ocurse, if my car had broken down, and I had no money to pay a garage, and I was going to lose my job because I couldn’t get to it? Yeah, then I might try to beg some help out of my friend. And I’m sure he’d do it, because he’s a good guy, and I would be in dire straits. But nobody is in dire straits because they need a new deck on their new house. Hire a contractor, just like everyone else. Hell, my uncle is a contractor, and when my mom wanted to renovate her house, she damn well paid her brother for the work. She got a good price on it, but she sure as fuck never even thought to ask for it for free, and this was from her own flesh and blood!
It has nothing to do with my house. It has to do with being thought of as cheap labor. If it happened once then i’d probably help, because i like to do things to help my friends. But it sounds like Trunk’s friend sees his friends as a reliable and ongoing source of cheap labor, there for his convenience. In my mind, that’s even more petty than refusing to help.
Also, i’m intrigued as to why this level of friends helping friends apparently applies to certain task and not to others. For example, i have a paper i’m writing now that requires some more research. If you were my friend, and you lived in Baltimore, would you make a trip to DC and spend the day in the Library of Congress photocopying stuff for me, if i offered you a six pack and some pizza? I thought not.
Well, as others have pointed out, you might be perfectly handy, but also might not want to spend hours on your day off doing manual labor. Especially when it seems that the relationship tends to be one-way in this regard. If you’re like Uvula Donor and have a system whereby you help one another over an extended period of time, that’s completely understandable.
But while it might seem churlish to refuse to help a friend, i think it’s just as annoying when people see their friends as an unending source of cheap labor. As Trunk says, he works a full week already. By agreeing to spend hours on the weekend working on his friends house, he would essentially be providing the money that his friend is unwilling to spend on a contractor. And that would be even more annoying when you see your labor effectively paying for your friend’s kegerator or his holiday in the Caribbean.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t help their friends. I have helped many friends with many things in the past. Hell, if you want to work as unpaid labor forty hours a week, that’s entirely your decision. But i think that some requests go a bit beyond the normal bounds of friendship, and can therefore be rather annoying. And, as the OP suggests, being a “do-it-yourselfer” doesn’t automatically mean that everyone you know is obliged to participate in your hobby.
What if a person has his own mulching and tidying to do? If that’s what his weekend commitments are, does that mean he isn’t a good friend?
I think that it’s fine to ask friends to help you move or do a big project when you are first starting out–post college or whatever. Most folks are single then, and don’t work weekends etc. And those kind of “parties” can be fun. I know someone who went to a “stripping party”–10 friends stripping paint off the sides of a fixer-upper Cape Cod home. In a day, they had ONE side done. That’s when you CALL someone who does this for a living.
Also, after awhile, interests, family commitments etc press in and people’s free time becomes very precious. I do not think badly of the OP for refusing.
I have known people so cheap that they expect “friends” to move their baby grand piano into their new $400,000+ home. You can afford that home? You can afford a professional mover. Invite me over–we’ll warm the house, hell I’ll help move furniture within the house. But don’t ask me to do you scut work. Pay someone to do it–help the economy! 
Damn straight. I decided years ago I’d had enough of helping pals move (sometime around age 30). I decided when one set of friends had moved every year to a new apartment because they wanted the lowball entry rate.
But, to be fair, that’s when I started hiring movers for myself. Plus, isn’t life better that way?
I have a horrid back, therefore a lifelong “get out of moving free” pass, which is nice, so I don’t have to worry about anyone asking me to help them move, paint mulch, whatever. But I see my friends go through this and am amazed. One couple just bought a brand new house (had it built) in a beautiful sub-division. New furniture, new appliances, etc. Did they hire movers? No. They mooched off of all of their friends and wasted days getting crap loaded up and moved over. Is it really that damned expensive? I mean, we have people everywhere here looking for day labor. Pick a few up, tell 'em what you want done, and stop bothering your friends to do your back breaking work!
I moved into a condo almost a year ago. I still have yet to paint my own walls.
I hope none of my friends think I’ll paint their walls before I get around to my own. 
Is your friends name Huck Finn, By any chance?
I’m with the OP on this one.
When ever somebody asks me to help them anything remotely laborous I tell them “Feel these hands (that’s when I stick out my hands) They’re as soft as a baby’s bottom. I said early on in life, I’m not doing that hard work bull shit. I’m sorry but you’ll have to look else where for help”
Seriously, when I was a kid and my Dad used to make me mow the lawn, I’d tell myself every time: “When I get older I ain’t doing THIS shit no more! I’m gonna have to find me a cush job at any and all cost”
As luck would have it, I did. 
Ehhh. People are differnet.
My Brother is my best friend (not counting my Wife). We work on stuff together. We both find it fun. Sense of accomplishment and all that. And there is something about the ‘tune’ you can have when you work really well together. Can’t really explain it. The tool handed before it’s asked for. The spotter ready when you’re on a ladder.
So that’s what we do when we get together.
The only recreation we do together is the occasional sail boat trip. And the best part of it is the team work.
Our recreation, is working together.
People are different.
I don’t fault the OP at all. But some friends find it fun to work together towards a goal.
I have a good buddy in this valley that I have counted on before. He also counts on me. Sometimes, a friend is all you got.
Sometimes it’s just fun.
I didn’t realize my friends and I were supposed to give up the community barn-raising mentality when we turned 25, guess we missed the memo.
There’s no guilting involved in a good friendship, of course. There’s something wrong in the relationship, familial or not, if it’s all about manipulation.
We’re all going to enjoy friend X’s new pool, we all show up to help install it, the kids play, everyone socializes, knowledge and experience gets shared so everyone doesn’t have to learn everything the hard way, no guilt involved. About the only weirdness is when you realize you’ve got one friend or family member in the mix that’s always happy to have help, but never shows up to help anyone else. Okay, so you adjust accordingly and the barn-raising dynamic continues but without that individual.
If that’s not what you want to do, then just don’t. If they continue asking after you’ve explained, well…I dunno so much I’d wanna be friends with someone who didn’t listen to me, eh?
I must admit, I’m usually one of those “sure, I’ll give it a go” kind of people when it comes to this sort of thing. But I would be angry if I said no to someone, only to have them repeatedly ask me to do it. No means no, dipshit!
But hey, my friends return the favour, so it’s not a huge imposition, and it’s not one of those one-sided things. I guess other peoples’ friends aren’t quite so considerate.
Max.
I think this is the first time something in a thread I started has ended up in the Pit. (sniff, sniff)…so… proud…
Anyway, I’ve actually had people asking me if they can help out. Just tonight I had a friend come over after work and together we painted two rooms. I didn’t ask him for any help, he asked me if he could help out somehow. Of course, I’ve helped him move a couple of times, so it’s all good. He’s coming back tomorrow afternoon, and I didn’t ask him to, he just said as he was leaving that he’d see me tomorrow.
Another friend emailed me while I was at work today asking when she and her fiance could be of assistance. I’m hoping to take her up on her offer next weekend.
In my mind, that’s what good friends do. If your friend needs a hand, you help them out if you can; wether it be painting a wall or building a deck or moving or picking them up at the airport. If someone keeps taking advantage of you, that’s one thing, but for the occasional helping hand or day job, it’s no big thing.
I’m with you. And I will be there in a skirt. And tool belt.
I like to help, and will go out of my way to help if it’s asked of me.
So um…what WOULD be appropriate payment to my friends to help me move then?
I was thinking pizza and/or bbq and sodas (most of my friends, but one are not big beer fans).
I don’t think anyone in this thread is criticizing people for volunteering to help.
Skirt and toolbelt is a good combo.
FWIW, leveling a 12’ 2x6 isn’t that difficult, if you’re prepared to work by yourself. Clamps and shims make the job extremely easy. Been there. Done that. Built decks alone.
My first husband was mechanically inclined, which was good, because we always had old cars. We never paid a mechanic for anything, and that included installing engines, not just oil changes. He was also a fair electrician, carpenter, furniture restorer, and plumber.
Current hubby is also mechanically inclined, but now our vehicles are newer, and everything’s so computerized, about all he can do is change the oil.
He’s not handy with anything else though. He thinks it’s okay to do electrical stuff without shutting off the power. :eek:
I’ve told him (joking, of course) that my next husband will be more handy. He reminds me that he does most of the cooking. That shuts me right up. 
As for the OP, we pay for anything we can’t do ourselves. Except moving – we’ve helped enough people move so that we don’t feel bad about asking for help in return. Otherwise, we wouldn’t ask. That’s just taking advantage.