The last time we moved, I paid my daughter’s boyfriend and a buddy of his $100 each. We had already moved everything except the big stuff – couches, appliances, and beds.
We provided the truck, and it took them about two hours, including travel time. They were happy.
Good friends helped us move the small stuff and boxes, and we took them out for a nice dinner, and have since helped them move stuff.
I think it depends on how much you’re moving. If it’s not a house full, if you’re ready for them (boxes packed, stuff dismantled), and if it’s not going to take all day, pizza and sodas would be good.
well, me and all my friends are just pretty open about everything.
Basically, it goes. . .
“I really need your help building the deck this weekend.”
“Fuck that. You bought the house. You build the deck.”
“Are you really serious? You’re not going to help me build the deck.”
“I’m dead serious. No fucking way and you shouldn’t trade on me being a friend to do it.”
“I can dig it. Wanna a get a beer and watch a couple innings of the game tonight?”
“Sure.”
Then, we’ll get a beer and watch a couple innings of the game and not even bring up the subject of the deck.
You should note, though, Tonya, in your qupte in the OP, that you just have an implicit assumption of “cook food, friends help”. Clearly, there are lots of people who agree with you, but it’s not anything I’d ever ASSUME.
And, the “barn raising” mentality does change after a while. A little apartment moving is one thing. People start getting houses, they start getting big TVs, entertainment centers, couches, china hutches, beds, work benches. Helping a guy move is no longer “stuffing the futon into the hatchback.”
Yeah, I hate it when friendships become an inconvenience.
I don’t need my friends to buy me beer and pizza. I can get that on my own. I don’t sit around and watch the game on TV in order to bond. I bond with friends over the common challenges we face… not limited to, but including home improvement projects.
Friends buy houses and face similar financial strains as most of us do from time to time. A little help from friends as far as saving labour costs can make a big difference in lean times.
I can walk into any bar and have a drink with a complete stranger. Pretty soon, we’re ‘friends’. A real test of friendship goes quite a bit beyond having a common sports team to root for.
It’s oblivious because you know that I just tossed an example out there of watching sports and getting a beer while clearly the guy I’m calling a friend is someone with whom I’ve shared roadtrips, thoughts, concerns, laughs, money.
It’s obnoxious because it basically forces me to respond to it’s obliviousness.
I believe you. Your tone just leaves me with the impression that this is all true as long as it doesn’t happen on the weekend. I’ve probably drawn the wrong conclusion.
While I was a bachelor in my 20’s & 30’s(thus, lots of free time) I lived in an apartment and helped my friend do all kinds of projects on his house. He was a contractor and taught me all kinds of stuff: plaster, drywall, electrical, sanding floors, ect. I was having fun and I figured that someday I’d own my own house and want to know this stuff. Now the cynical might say that he got a ton of free labor for pizza and beer and that I’m a chump. I think that I had a fun time learning some handy skills instead of sitting around watching tv. We are syill good friends and now when I visit Burbank (2-3 times a year) I get the big guestroom, homecooked meals and never buy a drink because I helped restore his $750k house.
Would I do this now? No. I do not have the time and the energy, I’ve got my own house to look after and I’m not quite as spry as I used to be.
So I can see how attitudes and commitments can cause a change in your availibility.
pretty decent. I raced 7 weekends in a row with hard training, and last week was sort of an off week.
I’m taking a few weeks off from racing, and then doing 2 HILLY races which have been my focus for a while now. Lots of painful LT and hill work for the next few weeks. With some long endurance built in.
Well, that’s the whole point, right. Some people clearly have different views of it.
Some are of the mind, “a friend should be there to help you with hard labor.”
Others are of the mind, “a friend shouldn’t ask in the first place.”
I’d like to. Still waiting for my bike. It’ll be another few weeks, I’m told. I’m training for a sprint/olympic distance tri right now. My swim sucks so not having a bike forces me into the pool and I’m running well these days. For the bike (don’t laugh) I’m doing spin class training about 4 time a week. The bike always been my strongest so I’m not hugely worried. And it isn’t like I need to be training for long distances or big hills.
I’m going to check out Reston. See who my competition is.
Yeah, I know and I’m not a fan of tri bikes either. I’ve ridden in large groups before in organized rides with some pretty strong riders. But it’s been many years as I’ve spent much of the last ten years on a mountain bike. I’m just getting back into road riding.
My husband has a buddy and they do stuff with and for each other ALL THE TIME. Like, nearly every weekend. They’re either working on cars, cutting up felled trees, moving large things to and fro, whatever. They like doing that kind of stuff. However, if I kept asking someone to help me with stuff and they kept refusing me, I’d get the hint that this person really isn’t “that kind” of friend and would cease and desist.
