Sadly, they left off my favorite, from the same list Wendell Wagner linked.
“She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.”
-Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
Yesterday, our own featherlou wrote this gem, describing the moronic posters on another messageboard she frequents:
Some of those are brilliant, almost Pratchett-esque.
Man, do I ever know that feeling.
The other day during a photo critique at school I was able to describe one of my photos as being about “licking the frosting off the bitter cupcake of mortality.”
Best of all…
I do have a brother-in-law called Phil. 
I don’t think these were written by high school students. I know I have heard 16 before. It doesn’t matter who wrote them though since they are damned entertaining!
I am taking a number of classes pass/fail right now. I recently described one as “P and go, like the restroom at a gas station.”
The best one I’ve come up with described Drew Bledsoe’s performance this year. “He’s been intercepted more times than Al Qaeda chatter.”
Robin
I use “Going down faster than Paris Hilton on the Titanic.”
That’s good, but I think it works better with Rex Grossman.
I saw Number 18 in a very old anthology (like, bacxk to the 60s) of the New Yorker. It was a cartoon. Two women were sitting at a sofa talking, one was saying, “Herbert has a mind like a steel trap, one that snapped shut twenty years ago.”
This happened during the Cowboys game against the Iggles. It got to the point where I’d hear the word “interception” and yell an expletive, whether it was Drew or not.
It’s been an interesting season.
Robin
pbbth writes:
> I don’t think these were written by high school students.
Are you reading all the posts? We know for sure that they weren’t written by high school students. They were the winners in a contest in 1995 for bad analogies (which was entered only by adults), plus a few more that other adults have come up with since then.
Put me down for 2, 10, 19, and 23.
Maybe I’m warped.
This list is as old as a really old man, who is standing and pitching horseshoes. But he never hits the target, as his hands are trembling, because he is so old.
May I recommend Maybe He’s Dead for the hilarious results of many a **New York ** magazine contest. I still remember some of the entries verbatim and I haven’t seen the book in many years.