Sadly, they left off my favorite, from the same list
Wendell Wagner linked.
“She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.”
-Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
Yesterday, our own
featherlou wrote this gem, describing the moronic posters on another messageboard she frequents:
Some of those are brilliant, almost Pratchett-esque.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
Man, do I ever know
The other day during a photo critique at school I was able to describe one of my photos as being about “licking the frosting off the bitter cupcake of mortality.”
Best of all…
do have a brother-in-law called Phil.
December 11, 2006, 12:33am
I don’t think these were written by high school students. I know I have heard 16 before. It doesn’t matter who wrote them though since they are damned entertaining!
I am taking a number of classes pass/fail right now. I recently described one as “P and go, like the restroom at a gas station.”
December 11, 2006, 2:49am
The best one I’ve come up with described Drew Bledsoe’s performance this year. “He’s been intercepted more times than Al Qaeda chatter.”
For my money, you can’t beat Woody Allen’s “her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in yak.”
Although the other day I did describe Internet Explorer as “going down like a boy band in a leather bar.”
I use “Going down faster than Paris Hilton on the Titanic.”
That’s good, but I think it works better with Rex Grossman.
I saw Number 18 in a very old anthology (like, bacxk to the 60s) of the New Yorker. It was a cartoon. Two women were sitting at a sofa talking, one was saying, “Herbert has a mind like a steel trap, one that snapped shut twenty years ago.”
December 11, 2006, 3:30am
This happened during the Cowboys game against the Iggles. It got to the point where I’d hear the word “interception” and yell an expletive, whether it was Drew or not.
It’s been an interesting season.
> I don’t think these were written by high school students.
Are you reading all the posts? We know for sure that they weren’t written by high school students. They were the winners in a contest in 1995 for bad analogies (which was entered only by adults), plus a few more that other adults have come up with since then.
Put me down for 2, 10, 19, and 23.
Maybe I’m warped.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
December 11, 2006, 12:22pm
This list is as old as a really old man, who is standing and pitching horseshoes. But he never hits the target, as his hands are trembling, because he is so old.
December 11, 2006, 10:14pm
These are mostly taken from the Style Invitational contest in
The Washington Post in 1995:
The Style Invitational contest winners and honorable mentions pass around a lot on the Internet without getting credit. This is too bad, since they are under copyright. In any case, these analogies were not written by children. They are written by adults deliberately trying for bad analogies.
May I recommend
for the hilarious results of many a **New York ** magazine contest. I still remember some of the entries verbatim and I haven’t seen the book in many years. Maybe He’s Dead