The 25 Funniest Analogies.

The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)

To spare you from clicking:

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

These kids are sharp.
I like 3, 5, 14, and 17

Those are as hysterical as that woman who played Lambert in ‘Alien’ was when the steamy head of an alien emerged tentatively from John Hurt’s stomach and peered out at everybody during a meal of what appeared to be coleslaw and something else.

As someone who’s had this pointed out to them many times, aren’t most of those actually similes?

Probably my favorite.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

This one reminded me of what a Bulwer-Lytton entry might be like if Bulwer-Lytton entries didn’t have to be so long, rambling, and kitchen-sinky, as the unwritten rules require, while still being, as the written rules require, one sentence. :smiley:

#9 Strikes me as a poor reference to Douglas Adams, but maybe I’m remembering incorrectly…

There’s a small part of me that hopes these are fake.

There’s a large part of me that know’s they aren’t.
But they still make me laugh!

Is #3 a “Deep Thought” by Jack Handey? I think I’ve heard it before.

This list has been going around forever (Bob Dole was running for president the last time your average high school student knew who Nancy Kerrigan was), and I’ve always wondered if they’re real or not. Some of them seem like rip-offs or homages (#9), and some of them seem like they would almost had to have been written by an adult (#8), but mostly they’re just so damn clever that I’d love to meet the high school kids who wrote them, if indeed they did.

It’s the description of the Vogons at the beginning of the Hitchhiker’s Guide, isn’t it?

No. 20 sounds like Blackadder to me.

Found my copy - it’s in Chapter 3:

Runyonesque. Very.

I like it. :slight_smile:

I could swear this line was used by Leslie Nielsen in Police Squad, or one of the *Naked Gun * movies. And if it wasn’t, it should have been!

I could see this one actually working in one of those detective movies where the detective character is also the narrator.

For my money, you can’t beat Woody Allen’s “her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in yak.”

Although the other day I did describe Internet Explorer as “going down like a boy band in a leather bar.”

#20 was Pulitzer material, in my book. :smiley:

These are mostly taken from the Style Invitational contest in The Washington Post in 1995:

The Style Invitational contest winners and honorable mentions pass around a lot on the Internet without getting credit. This is too bad, since they are under copyright. In any case, these analogies were not written by children. They are written by adults deliberately trying for bad analogies.

As a teacher, this is my favourite:

  1. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

It demonstrates a correct use of an apostophre!

Similarly, the other day I informed our IT guy that the network was going up and down faster than a whore’s knickers when the navy’s in town.