56 worst/best analogies of high school students

Not sure if this has been posted before, but I laughed out loud at this.
56 worst/best analogies of high school students

My favorite is this.

I find this list as funny as a list of things that amuse me.

They’re very amusing, but they’re actually not from students. They’re from two contests that the Washington Post had, one in 1995, and one in 1999. My favorite’s #27 on the list:


Although I don’t believe that some could have been genuinely and innocently writen by contemporary students, like the 16 about freight trains, or others that just are too clever like :

You’d be surprised what a bored student can come up with, now or ever.

Given how many times those lists (which, once again, are written by adults, not by students) have been posted to numerous message boards and websites and circulated in vast amounts of E-mail, it’s too bad that The Washington Post never decided to publish a book of Style Invitational winners for their various contests. (The Style Invitational is the name of the weekly contest that the paper runs. Each week they ask for something different, although a few things, like the analogies, have appeared more than once.) More people have read and laughed at them than have watched most TV comedy sketches, and at least the writers of those sketches were paid once when the sketch first showed on TV, even if the sketches were then posted to YouTube and then went viral. The writers of the analogies have never been paid for them.

28 Almost worked:

  1. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

Should have been:

  1. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for way too long.

The original version is much “better”. The point is that it doesn’t add anything to the description.

I am disappointed to hear that these were written by adults responding to a contest instead of school children, as if I had been told that a recording was actually by Katy Perry instead of Lassie.

My favorite was:

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

But now my enjoyment is ruined, because that is simply a brilliant analogy. Darn it.

A lot of those are great. This one reminds me of something out of Terry Pratchett:

Many of them wouldn’t be out of place in a Jack Handy list of Deep Thoughts.

I laughed out loud at the brother-in-law one.

The bowling ball one is suspiciously similar to one of Douglass Adam’s lines, “<The Vogon Constructor Ships> hung in the air in exactly the same way bricks don’t”

Given the subject matter, refraining from cleverness is in itself an act of supreme irony.

That one made me think of Adams too; not only the Vogon ship line but also his “beverage that tasted almost, but not entirely, unlike tea.”

Shit I don’t know if I can read this at work. I’ve only read three and I’m already having trouble containing my laughter.

Those were as funny as something really funny. Especially #44 woo woo woo

Geschpooklichkeit. Heh. (2nd runner-up.)

That’s my favorite, too.