What are your best/worst or just plain funniest similes/metaphors? Here are some of mine:
[ul]
[li]That smells worse than a three-day’s unflushed toilet.[/li][li]They avoid each other like two south-ended magnets.[/li][li]That makes as much sense as dehydrated water.[/li][li]As useful as a styofoam hammer.[/li][li]More nervous than a triskadekaphobiac on Friday the 13th.[/li][li]They’re selling like bottles of Kaopectate during a diarrhea epidemic.[/li][li]Colder than Frosty the snowman’s nutsack.[/li][/ul]
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
John and Melinda had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
Even in his last years Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for awhile.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts when you accidently staple it to a wall.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
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Sorta OT - How many posters/readers of this thread are waiting with baited breath for the results of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton contest to be announced?
Well, I guess my post did have an entry for the worst simile/metaphor, after all.
Wow, ya really can learn something new every day.
ETA: I’d always thought it was something from Chaucer, or such, and you were fishing for a chance to breath again, or something.
I’ve always liked the reference to Vogon Constructor Fleets “Hanging in the air in exactly the same way that bricks don’t”, from The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy.
