The Absolute Worst Christmas Song, Bar None

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@RivkahChaya

I think the reason that a lot of people want to sort of claim Christmas as a non-Christian holiday is that the birthday of Jesus was pasted over a lot of older “rebirth of the light” (which is what Chanukah is as well, but nevermind that for now) festivals. Sol Invictus was a big one, and there were a number of pagan festivals across Europe, that gave us evergreens indoors, yule logs, and spiced wine.

People who want to celebrate a secular day of the rebirth of the light, or whatever, probably need a new name, something besides “Christmas.”

Oh, sure- Christianity is well known for its syncretism (i.e. taking a pagan holiday of some kind and associating it with some kind of Christian holiday/saint/etc… to make Christianity more palatable to new converts), and pretty much every major holiday is pasted over older ones for that very reason. I mean, there’s no scriptural references to Christ’s death and resurrection having conveniently happened in the Spring, or that Christ was born right around the Winter Solstice. Or any real reason for All Saints Day to be on November 1, except as a counterpoint to Samhain/Halloween.

I agree with you though- if people are celebrating something other than actual Christmas, then call it whatever it is- Yule, Solstice Celebration, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, etc… Lumping everything under “Christmas” gets us into the situation where the secular holiday (which is STILL predominantly Christian in derivation) overlaps with the religious holiday and we get weirdness like this thread digression.

[RivkahChaya]

@bump

I mean, there’s no scriptural references to Christ’s death and resurrection having conveniently happened in the Spring,

Actually, I think there is, on this one specific point. It’s pretty clear that it’s the beginning of Passover. The synoptic gospels make the last supper a first night seder, and John makes the last supper the night before the first seder, so Jesus dies on the day that the lambs for Passover meals (and rituals) and being slaughtered. Either way, very symbolic.

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I had forgotten about that actually. Duh! I knew that.

[Yookeroo]

@bump

To which I was told that it’s not actually a Christian holiday anymore, because there are a lot of non-Christian celebrants.

Who told you this? You keep replying to me, but I never said anything like this.

[Northern_Piper]

@bump

Or any real reason for All Saints Day to be on November 1, except as a counterpoint to Samhain/Halloween.

It is not clear (although Halloween is itself a Christian term).

Some scholars propose that churches in the British Isles began celebrating All Saints on 1 November in the 8th century to coincide with or replace the Celtic festival known in Ireland and Scotland as Samhain. James Frazer represents this school of thought by arguing that 1 November was chosen because Samhain was the date of the Celtic festival of the dead.[36][37][38] Ronald Hutton argues instead that the earliest documentary sources indicate Samhain was a harvest festival with no particular ritual connections to the dead. Hutton proposes that 1 November was a Germanic rather than a Celtic idea.[39]

[Superdude]

@Jungian_Camisole1

Madonna’s version of Santa Baby. She sounds both illiterate and stupid.

In my opinion, hers is the absolute best version. It fits in with her “Material Girl” image. It’s supposed to be vapid and brainless. The whole point is that she’s trying to use sex appeal.

[Kimstu]

Up to this point I had generally pegged as my worst Christmas-music experience that late-90s late December stay in a small hotel in India that kept valiantly trying to provide the videshi guests with Yuletide spirit by playing a continuous loop of “Hooray! Hooray! It’s a Holi- Holiday” by Boney M (either the original version or some Christmasified remake? can’t remember).

Now that I’ve seen some of the competition in the worst-Christmas-song category, though, I’m not only letting go of that earlier negativity but actually starting to feel a bit of affection for “Hooray! Hooray!”, especially given that it’s not even meant to be a Christmas song in the first place. Thank you all for making a previously loathed past experience retroactively far more enjoyable!

[jayjay]

Ugh, no. The original by Miz Eartha is still and always will be the best version.

[Andy_L]

Have you ever heard “I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas”? I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas - Yogi Yorgesson - YouTube

[Dr.Winston_OBoogie]

@jayjay

Ugh, no. The original by Miz Eartha is still and always will be the best version.

This. She sang it as a seductive temptress; the recent ones are all singing it like spoiled brats.

[Knowed_Out]

I don’t understand the Little Drummer Boy hate. I always liked the children choir harmony and echo. It sounds mysterious and solemn, kind of like a chiller version of Fantasy on a Bell Carol.

So what if the lyrics lack logic? You’re seriously butthurt because the only way a penniless kid can honor the the birth of the Savior of Souls is to play a drum?

[Skywatcher]

@Dr.Winston_OBoogie

She sang it as a seductive temptress; the recent ones are all singing it like spoiled brats.

Not really. This is a spoiled brat singing to Santa.

[Trinopus]

Actually, no, I just hate the song. Too repetitious, and the onomatopoeia irks me. (Yeah, I had to look up how to spell that…) That the story is dumb only adds to my overall grief with the song.

[WolfpackJeep]

Bar none? It’s a tie between “Christmas Shoes” and the damn hippo song. You can give the hippo song credit for having a nice origin story, but nothing can forgive those vocals.

Since we were discussing traditional foods upthread…my family always did a turkey for the Christmas lunch, but Dad would typically receive at least one ham as a gift. Since this ham was always precooked, it would join the beefstick, cheeseball, relish tray, and assorted crackers as the ‘grazing’ meal that was typically consumed for dinner on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

@Senegoid

My nomination for the most annoying Xmas music (at least that I know) is “Christmas Don’t Be Late”, and specifically when sung by the Chipmunks. (As is, of course, anything sung by the Chipmunks.)

I made the mistake of listening to this song at its recorded speed once, and now I can’t hear it without thinking about the excessively drawn out “HUUUUUUUUULLAAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP”.

[RivkahChaya]

I have a question about the Drummer Boy song (which yes, irks me too): how theologically correct is it for the drummer boy to recognize Jesus as the king of the Jews (assuming for the sake of argument that he is)? I have read the gospels, and it seems that most people don’t recognize who Jesus is, including his disciples until the 11th hour. The priests and Pharisees don’t, and his own mother seems a little unsure on the matter, in spite of everything she’s been told by heavenly messengers.

In fact, the only people who really seem to have a clue are John the Baptist, Joseph, and to an extent Herod, albeit, Herod doesn’t recognize that Jesus is specifically this person, just that this person is out there.

So either the drummer boy is psychic, or he has some kind of inside track with the Almighty, making him, I guess, some sort of prophet.

Or whoever wrote the song didn’t think things through, and just knew that “king” and “bring” rhymed.

[Northern_Piper]

The wise men mentioned in Matthew described him as the king of the Jews:

“Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose[d] and have come to worship him.”
…
And going into the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him.

[rocking_chair]

Apparently the little drummer boy was summoned by the magi, and let in on the secret.

“ come they told me, a new born king to see, our finest gifts we bring”, etc.

I’ve only heard the pentatonix version of Mary did you know. I do like the wondering\pondering part of it.

[Trinopus]

@RivkahChaya

So either the drummer boy is psychic, or he has some kind of inside track with the Almighty, making him, I guess, some sort of prophet.

Angels appeared to the shepherds in the hills, and that didn’t really make them prophets, just, as you say, on an inside track. Maybe an angel appeared to the boy?

[kaylasdad99]

@Trinopus

@RivkahChaya

So either the drummer boy is psychic, or he has some kind of inside track with the Almighty, making him, I guess, some sort of prophet.

Angels appeared to the shepherds in the hills, and that didn’t really make them prophets, just, as you say, on an inside track. Maybe an angeI appeared to the boy?

Then who was it that told him to come along to the gift-giving party? The angels?

[Trinopus]

Who knows? Maybe his grandfather came to Palestine from Persia and knows how to read the sign of the Star. I can fanwank as well as the next guy, y’know?