Oh, very well, I acknowledge it’s confusing. Yes, people wearing inline skates, on recumbent bikes, those little scooter thingies, etc., are also allowed on bike paths.
YOU, however, are NOT. That is because you are PEDESTRIANS. People on foot are NOT allowed on bike paths. That is what makes them BIKE paths: they are NOT FOR PEDESTRIANS. Just like pedestrian sidewalks are not for bikes, which is why I’m on the BIKE PATH.
Yes, you, asshole, you’re on foot. I realize you’re walking your bike. That’s the whole problem. If you’re not riding your bike, get off the path. Some of us are RIDING OUR BIKES. That means we’re going FAST. MOVE YOUR ASS.
Yes, you, you great gaggle of galoots. Get on the sidewalk that is RIGHT FUCKING THERE. You do NOT need to be in the BIKE path, which is for BIKES. You ESPECIALLY do not need to be taking up the WHOLE bike path, blocking my view and damn near getting me into a head-on collision because you’ve got your HEAD UP YOUR ASS.
Hey, you moseying twerps: we’re in a PARK. YES, you may walk on the TWENTY-METRE WIDE STRETCH OF GRASS. NO, you may not walk on the BIKE path. It is for BIKES.
Having said that bike paths are for people on wheels, here are two sets of people on wheels who should not be on the bike path:
The people in motorized wheelchairs who were riding two abreast. Sure, you can be on the bike path but NOT TWO ABREAST; that’s the PASSING LANE, you twits, and I don’t want to swerve into traffic so as not to head-on collide with you. That would be a ROAD next to us (at this point.) With cars. Cars coming the opposite direction are not healthy for cyclists and other living things. Neither are cyclists coming in YOUR direction, who cannot pass you because you’re TAKING UP THE WHOLE FUCKING PATH. GO IN SINGLE FILE.
those idiots who were TAKING FUCKING PHOTOGRAPHS FROM THEIR BIKES. I’m an amateur photographer too, and I sometimes go on photography expeditions on my bike, and I, believe it or not, dismount the bike and get off the path! Christ, do you have instructions on your toilet paper too?!
The thing that blows my mind is that half the time, the people walking on the bike paths are going in the direction of the lane; they’ve assimilated the rules enough to follow one that WOULD apply to them if they were on the PROPER FUCKING PATH. So if you can tell the lane that goes this way from the lane that goes that way, what’s so damn hard about realizing that this is the draws breath GODDAMN, FRAGGLE-RAPING BIKE PATH?!
This has been Friendly Tips from Matt on Distinguishing Bike Paths with Pedestrian Areas. Next week, the difference between that fleshy thing you sit on and shit from, and the knobby things on your arm just below the end of your monogrammed polo shirt sleeves. SNEAK PREVIEW: ONE IS YOUR ASS, THE OTHER’S YOUR ELBOW.