The Boob Poem

The Boob Poem

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram,
“O.K.,” I said, “let’s do it.”

“Stand up here real close” she said,
(She got my boob in line),
“And tell me when it hurts,” she said,
“Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”

She stepped upon a pedal.
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter’s in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it’s vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

“Take a deep breath” she said to me,
Who does she think she’s kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine
And woozy I am getting.

“There, that’s good,” I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
“Now, let’s have a go at the other one.”
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold,
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone “ker-pow”!

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I’d like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out.
:wink: :smiley:

nicely done Ladyrose although the last verse made me cringe a bit.

I read about your visit
And boy! I am so glad
That machine mangled your boobie
Rather than my 'nad.

And when those test results return
I hope the diagnosis will be great
But there is one thing upon which
I can surely set you straight.

When it comes to breast exams
And all contained within
Any male I know would
Approach it with a grin

The machine of which you speak
Was not created by a man
For man would shun machinery
And do the job by hand…

One shouldn’t post works copied from other sites, especially without attributing it.

Good come back (pierre72) very creative.

QED how did you find that piece of work on the web? It was very cute.

It wasn’t very difficult. Google search any phrase from it, contained in quotes. It’s all over the web.

Regarding this issue, after hearing about Pepper Mill’s visits, it seemed to me that there had to be a more humane way of doing this testing than squishing breats between two vise-like pieces of glass. Couldn’t it be done like a CAT scan?

In principle, it turns out, yes. I believe that there already are such instruments. The drawback is price and time. It takes approximately ten times as long and costs ten times as much to do this without pinching. Were I the one getting this test, I might opt for that ten times factor (although that would make a $100 procedure cost $1000), but the insurance comapnies are calling the shots. and I’ll bet most of the administrators are men.

Was it just me, or did anyone else hear the ‘Hoedown’ music from Whose Line Is It Anyway playing when they read that?

Attributing a quote would be nice, although this doesn’t appear to be a copyrighted work. I’m assuming the OP received it per e-mail, or somesuch.