The Canon og OG

The Canon og OG

Recently, the primeval god Og crawled out of the slime in which he slept.  His rebirth was [ugly](

This god with a plan generated great interest among scholars, for what is a god without a theology.  Researchers sorted through rock piles and sifted through dust bins for clues  as to Og's teachings.  As a result of their efforts, scholars amassed a fair pile of rocks.  Ultimately, this pile of rocks merely occupied space in an otherwise tidy study.  Further  research into prehistoric cave drawings suggests a vibrant religion filled with big rocks and pointy sticks.

In a still undisclosed cave, paintings revealed the word of Og.  Renowned prehistoric linguistics professor, Ernst Millknouse, copied immense paintings of big rocks and pointy sticks and divined, through their placements, the teachings of Og.

Prof. Milkknouse entrusted this reporter with revealing the word of Og.

The Books og OG

Book 1
Chapter 1, verse 1

Book 2
Chapter 1, verse 1

Book 3
Chapter 1, verse 1

Book 4
Chapter 1, verse1
OG!! OG!! OG!!

The Apocrypha og OG
Chapter 1, verse 1
Og sort rubbish!
verse 2
Cthulhu go in bin!

Scholarly continues among Prof. Milkknouse's minions as to whether to include the Apocrypha in the Canon og OG.  Those in favor of its exclusion note that it uses entirely too many parts of speech to be the words of Og.  Though, those who favor its inclusion in the Canon note that the second verse undoubtedly led to the grudge match of [Cthulhu versus Og](  The followers of Og asked this reporter to reconvey their sincere apologies regarding what Og did to Little Timmy.  In the Professor's laboratory, this reporter attended a meeting called by the minions to settle the issue of the Apocrypha.  Each camp ably presented its side, bolstered with big rocks and pointy sticks and their interpretations thereof.  Sounds of schism filled the air.  Alas, this reported cannot inform you, the Dear Reader, as to which side prevailed.

Slowly, as if channeling the spirit of Og, supporters of inclusion began to smite.  This reporter left the room as the smiting began, as he was smitten once before.  By Annabelle Loblolly in the seventh grade.  We would sit on the hill behind her parent's house and watch the sun set.  I swear she had four hands given the speed with which she swatted my hands.  The whole experience left me frustrated and blue.  But, this reporter digresses.  Judging from the sounds, a mighty smiting occurred. Long after the echoes of smiting and screams for help subsided, this reporter intrepidly climbed out of the cabinet and boldly reentered the conference room.

The room could only be described as showing the hand of Og.  Tables and chairs formed a barricade at the far door.  Piles of rocks were reduced to pebbles, pointy sticks now mere twigs.  The minions, however, were conspicuous in their absence.  A cursory search of the room's cabinets failed to find them.  Behind the barricade was nothing but a door to an empty broom closet.

Trying to do two things at once has always been this reporter's downfall.  As this reporter walked towards the exit, scratching my head in wonder at the mystery, this reporter slipped in a puddle and beheld the ceiling.  Scrawled across the ceiling was simply:

OG!! OG!! OG!!
Any other views on including the Apocrypha?


I woulda thunk Book One would have been an origin story, about how this one miskey made an unlikely ascent from the slime of typographical errors to dominate the field.

But otherwise excellent.

(Shouldn’t the books have titles? Like, say, “The Book of Smash”?)



The worship og Og may be unique among the world’s religions in that its scripture has evolved not by accretion*, but by more and more rigorous, some would say even brutal, editing.

Recent followers og Og decided that the letters, gospels, legal proclamations, prophecies, histories, mysteries, commentaries, meta-commentaries, etc. were NOT in keeping with the simplicity and purity of Og’s message. In fact, the most devout followers claim that there IS no message! Hence, the scripture was revised and everything deemed inessential was consigned to the rubbish bin.

So the “Book of Cthulhu” initially WAS legitimate, but is now definitely extraneous.

*In this page of the Talmud the original scripture is surrounded by ancient commentaries, which are in turn surrounded by further commentaries, cross-references, and glosses.






(OG can be geeky. OG can even have a shell preference.)






oh, caNon!