The Celebrity Death Pool 2004

The Game Room
181

[ul]1. Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
2. Kirk Douglas
3. Saddam Hussein
4. Ronald Reagan
5. Pope John Paul II
6. Debbie Reynolds
7. Liz Taylor
8. Phyllis Whitney
9. Estee Lauder
10. Julia Child
11. Jimmy Breslin
12. Mary Tyler Moore
13. Dave Brubeck[/ul]

182

'Nother first timer, giving this a shot:

  1. Pope John Paul II - Buddy of Methuselah.
  2. Ronald Reagan - Ex-Prez, bed-wetter.
  3. Jeff “The Drunk” Curro - Last year it was Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf. Jeff is this year’s dead Wack-Packer.
  4. Tony Hawk - Skateboarder, video game character. Will forget he’s not as young as he used to be, and make an impromptu attempt to impress some local kids. Hilarity ensues.
  5. Pam Anderson - Human Cartoon Part 1, Hepatitis C sufferer.
  6. Artie Lange - Howard Stern sidekick and tub of goo. Stakes his life on the Patriots in the Super Bowl, Satan collects after the Rams win.
  7. Ralphie May - Last Comic Standing contestant and tub of goo. Drops after one too many fritters.
  8. Sally Struthers - Actress, beggar, tub of goo. Chokes to death.
  9. Ruben Studdard - American Idol and tub of goo. Killed by assorted gangs of Claymates, Clayniacs, and the like. Possibly beheaded with a claymore.
  10. Reverend Donald Wildmon - American Family Association founder and better judge of what’s right for you than you are. Killed by divine justice.
  11. Robbie Knievel - Will outdo his father, succeeding in killing himself instead of just coming close like 'ol dad.
  12. Wellington Mara - New York Giants owner. Ancient. Won’t be able to go on after: A) a 4-12 season, and B) Ernie Accorsi screws up great draft positioning with bad picks.
  13. Paris Hilton - Human Cartoon Part 2. Too much fame, not enough brains. Gets wasted, steals car, gets splattered all over Manhattan. (sha-doobie)
183
  1. Pope John Paul II
  2. Ronald Reagan
  3. David Blaine
  4. Michael Jackson
  5. Jimmy Carter
  6. Gerald Ford
  7. Dick Cheney
  8. Dan Rather
  9. Wayne Newton
  10. George Steinbrenner
  11. Pamela Anderson
  12. Tommy Lee (Motley Crue Drummer)
  13. Justin Timberlake

I barely scored this year. I think this is a better list.

184

Without having checked anyone else’s picks yet:

  1. Pope John Paul II
  2. Billy Graham
  3. Alonzo Mourning (basketball player)
  4. Nick Nolte
  5. John Goodman
  6. Gordon Lightfoot
  7. Jerry Lewis
  8. Tony Randall
  9. Blake Edwards
  10. Lynn Redgrave
  11. Scotty Moore (guitarist)
  12. Gerald Ford
  13. Ronald Reagan
185
  1. Scott Weiland (lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots, junkie)
  2. Adam Ant ('80’s singer, has been recently hospitalized for depression)
  3. Shane McGowan (lead singer of The Pogues, that alcohol is going to catch up with him soon enough)
  4. Shirley MacLaine (She’s no spring chicken)
  5. Shirley Temple Black (Again, she’s getting old, too)
  6. Julia Child (up there, too. Kills me to write that. Love her.)
  7. Ernest Borgnine
  8. Richard Pryor (he’s running low on steam, ain’t he?)
  9. Judi Dench
  10. Franco Zeffirelli (Italian Director)
  11. Joel Grey (famous for his role as the emcee in Cabaret
  12. Mickey Rooney
  13. Olivia de Havilland
186

Disclaimer: To those on the list, I’m not actually rooting for your death. Also, I did not read the other entries other than what jumped at me scrolling down the last page. My 13:

1- Dick Cheney, vice president and war profiteer- doesn’t get to the Wizard in time for a new heart.

2- Al Kaline, baseball great and battery magnate (what, you’ve never heard of al kaline batteries?)- heart attack

3- Keith Richard, rock star and chemical testing lab- goes drug free for a day and system goes into shock

4- Roseanne, minor TV star and national irritation- complications from a fall which coincidentally triggers massive earthquake.

5- OJ Simpson, double murderer- knifes self in kitchen accident.

6- Gerald Ford, former president and comic inspiration for Chevy Chase- head injuries from old injury playing football without a helmet.

7- Rush Limbaugh, egomaniacal talk show host and noted drug addict- gets bad stuff from pusher.

8- Dale Earnhardt Jr., race car driver and son of the cult hero of the Elvis velvet set- racing accident.

9- George W. Bush, fraudulently elected president- chokes to death on gift box of pretzels.

10- George Steinbrenner, shipbuilder, Yankee owner, and national irritation- fires himself and dies in poverty.

11- Bobby Knight, basketball coach and immature bully- dies of injuries when histhrown chair lands on his head.

12- Richard Dawson, geme show host and kissing bandit- contracts fatal communicable disease by kissing one too many women.

13- Jimmy Carter, former president and all around good guy, the last moral man to inhabit White House- chokes on a peanut.

187

Shirley’s Annual Gift Of Life 2004: The Electric Bugaloo

Usually, I go for the Quantity over Quality, but this year, having nothing to lose, I’ve actually decided to spice things up by adding politicians. Yet, trying to be a points whore, I still have a few gimmes.

And for your dining and dancing pleasure, I will guesstimate how they will die.

  1. **Lee Malvo. ** Convicted Murderer. Killed in prison by a lifer.

  2. Yassar Arafat. Scary guy in picnic table cloth. Heart attack a/o cancer.

3.** John Allen Mohammed. ** Convicted murderer. Killed in prison before he is executed.

  1. **Pope John Paul II. ** Old Age. In March, before Easter.

  2. Thurl Ravencroft. Voice of Tony the Tiger and the original Eeyore voice. Old Age.

  3. **Leon Askin. ** Old Age. General Burkhart on Hogan’s Heroes.

  4. **Prince Ranier. ** He’s not looking so good. In the summer after his youngest does something really stupid again.

  5. **Pervez Musharraf ** President of Pakistan. Assasinated. In April.

  6. ** Fay Wray**: King Kong’s lady. Hold over for the past three years. Taking over Katherine Hepburn’s spot.

  7. **Ronald Reagan ** Former President. Old age. Fall 2004, to cut into the election jibber jabber nicely.

  8. **Osama bin Laden ** Googly-eyed lunatic. bombed somewhere in the back hills of Afghanistan. Summer.

  9. **Lady Bird Johnson. ** Former First Lady. Old age. In the summer when the flowers are in bloom.

  10. ** Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. ** Death & Dying author has terminal cancer that has lasted longer than previously anticipated.

Alternates in the unlikely event that any of my picks die in 2003, here are my top Alternates:

  1. **Carlos Ponti ** aged husband of Sophia Loren.

  2. Yvonne DeCarlo Lilly Munster.

  3. Marcel Marceau If a mime dies in the woods, will anyone care?

4.**Francis Crick ** co-founder of DNA.

188

Five days left, folks…

cazzle, to answer your question: we just go with as many valid picks as we have. Thanks again for all your hard work.

189

Ok here are my picks for the year:

1 Micheal Jackson - He’ll off himself, or someone will get him in prison.
2 Pope John Paul - This one’s an easy one
3 Ronald Reagan - Ditto
4 Ozzy Osbourne - Although he damn near managed it early
5 Abdul-Aziz al-Hakim - Iraqi Interm council President
6 Richard Pryor - He’s hung on for quite a while
7 Neil Simon - Didn’t lookk well last I heard
8 George Clinton - Drug overdose or self destruction
9 Mohammed Ali - He’s hung on a long time too
10 Charlton Heston - How old is he now anyway?
11 Marlon Brando - Ditto
12 Pervez Musharraf - Pakistani President. Survived a couple attempts already.
13 Walter Cronkite - He’s gettin’ up there too

190

Allow me to clarify… gobear has inadvertently chosen 15 people for his list instead of 13. If he doesn’t nominate which two he wants to get rid of before Jan 1, will we randomly eliminate two of them, or will we just get rid of the last two he added? I figure it’s best to have this sorted out before the game starts, otherwise he has two chances more than anyone else, and any hits he does score will be up for dispute.

191

We’ll go with his first 13 names.

Three days left, folks…

192

Just as a check: IF saddam hussein is tried, convicted, and executed before the end of 2004, I get points, right? He was NOT under a legal death sentence when I picked him.

193
  1. Pamela Anderson
  2. Jared “Subway Guy” Fogle
  3. Whitney Houston
  4. Annette Funicello
  5. Jerry Lewis
  6. Steve Irwin
  7. Ruben Studdard
  8. Larry King
  9. Meat Loaf
  10. Mike Tyson
  11. Dick Button
  12. Liza Minelli
  13. Martha Stewart
194

Okay, repeating last years list, with two new entires replacing the ones I actually got right.

  1. Scott Weiland (one of these days…)
  2. Ronald Reagan (sad, but I see it coming)
  3. Charles Manson (what comes around goes around)
  4. Whitney Houston (again, one of these days…)
  5. Ringo Starr (I think Paul will be the last one standing)
  6. Betty Ford (I think she’s the oldest first lady left)
  7. Rodney Dangerfield (no respect)
  8. Abe Vigoda (how old is this guy?)
  9. Casey Kasem (I’ve picked Dick Clark for too long)
  10. Mohammed Ali (from here down, they’re all old and sick)
  11. Annette Funicello
  12. Richard Pryor
  13. Gene Wilder
195

This is just MHO, but…

The rule says that anyone under penalty of death only counts if they die by means other than official execution. It does not suggest that they have to be under sentence of death at the time they were selected, merely at the time of their death.

Also, being aware that Saddam Hussein is going to undergo a trial, one possible outcome of which is a death sentence, it’s not as though you’re being potentially cheated out of points by an unforseen circumstance. You know at the time of nomination that one of your picks possibly faces the death penalty in the future, and you can choose to take that risk or reject it and choose again.

I assume the same rule would apply if (for example) Robert Downey Jr was arrested, tried and immediately executed in a foreign country for possession of narcotics, even though that seems a much more remote possibility at the time of nomination. This is, after all, the ultimate game of chance.

196
  1. Larry King
  2. Pope John Paul II
  3. Ronald Reagan
  4. Michael Jackson
  5. Kirk Douglas
  6. Walter Cronkite
  7. Zsa Zsa Gabor
  8. Tiger Woods
  9. Courtney Love
  10. Suzanne Somers
  11. Florence Henderson
  12. Ashleigh Banfield
  13. Ozzy Osbourne

Alternate: Barbara Walters

197

Well, I’m pretty certain that I picked 13 at a time, so I’m not very happy with Cazzle’s insinuations.

Here are my 13 picks for 2004
13. Al Lewis (Grandpa Munster)
12. Luise Rainier (1937 Academy Award winner)
11. Scott Weiland
10. Pope JP II (kinda obligatory at this point)
9. Tony Randall (old)
8. Rosa Parks (really old)
7. Shirley Temple (old)
6. Glenn Ford (old)
5. Ronald Reagan (old and terminally ill)
6. Harvey Korman (old and washed up)
5. Saddam Hussein (one can hope, can’t one?)
4. John Goodman (obese and middle-aged)
3. Olivia d’Havilland (Good God, she was Melanie in “Gone With the Wind”!)
2. Larry Kramer (HIV+ writer and activist)

  1. Jack Williamson (>90 SF author)
198

Crap, that should be

  1. Al Lewis (Grandpa Munster)
  2. Luise Rainier (1937 Academy Award winner)
  3. Scott Weiland
  4. Pope JP II (kinda obligatory at this point)
  5. Tony Randall (old)
  6. Rosa Parks (really old)
  7. Shirley Temple (old)
  8. Glenn Ford (old)
  9. Ronald Reagan (old and terminally ill)
  10. Harvey Korman (old and washed up)
  11. Mickey Rooney (old)
  12. John Goodman (obese and middle-aged)
  13. Olivia d’Havilland (Good God, she was Melanie in “Gone With the Wind”!)
  14. Larry Kramer (HIV+ writer and activist)
  15. Jack Williamson (>90 SF author)
199

1.Manson (Charles)
been predicitng this for years.Just feel it.

2.Chris Kattan (snl curse)

3.George W.Bush
my man Dick Greogry thinks he’s not going to finish his term,can’t mean anything else, unless he’s raptured

4.Ray Romano
I dunno

5.Nancy Reagan

6.Dick Cheney

7.Johnny Carson

8.Liz Taylor

9.Barbara Walters

10.one of the Dixie Chicks

11.Ed Asner

12.Tom Jones

13.Keith Richards

200

He announced it in Nov. of 1991.
The longer he lives,the more pwa will have hope!