You mean they don’t make them out of leftover mops? 
[sub]Old cleaning ladies never die, they just get swept away …[/sub]
I’ve never had a toy found by a cleaning lady, but I have had one found by a child, which was deeply traumatic for me and of course didn’t leave an impression on the kid.
I must’ve been a fresh eighteen and my sister’s daughter wandered into my room while I was on the computer. I wasn’t really paying attention to the fact that she was there until I heard a buzzing and knocking sound. She’d gotten into my nightstand and found my best friend. She was about seven or so and wanted to know what she’d found. Me, horrified, quickly turned it off, slammed the drawer shut and explained that it was my “battery holder.”
She accepted the really awful lie, and I thought all was well until a few days later my sister was trying to find batteries and my niece volunteered on where some could be found. :smack:
Our cleaning lady found a vibrator the other week, too. In our bed! The funny thing was, I’d been resting it on my abdomen for pain relief. I hope she didn’t think I’d left it there dirty 
My 3 year-old found a used pregnancy test once, before I’d thrown it out. Hubby said “don’t touch that, mommy peed on it”. I had to endure a week or two of “this is my favourite animal, please don’t pee on it”, “now mommy, I’m just leaving to get a toy. Don’t pee on my pillow, ok?”
She also found a cock ring once. We mentioned it was a grown-up toy, and distracted her while we put it away. Again, we had a week or two of “don’t you want to play with your toy now mommy? Shall we go find your toy?”
Clearly we need to get better at putting things away.
We were expanding our office space and doing some remodeling. We found a Venus Butterfly above the drop ceiling. There was much speculation about who the guilty party was amongst the previous tenants. Unfortunately, there weren’t any hot young things, so the whole episode was rather squiggly.
That’s a pretty great idea. Don’t you put it somewhere where they won’t see it for several days, but everyone else does? Maybe just a purple silicone dildo in the trailer hitch receiver.
The last time I was home visiting my parents, we were going to some family thing. I wanted to borrow a pair of panty hose from my mom, so I open her lingerie drawer and dig around. . .
:o
On the one hand, Oh Holy God, they’re my parents, and I did not want to see their sex toys.
On the other hand-- man, I hope when I’m pushing 60 and married 35 years I still have a drawer of stuff that would burn my grown daughter’s eyeballs.
(Kids grown up, they’re obviously less carefull about storage. There used to be nothing in that drawer but stockings and white bras)
"I was halfway to the airport before I realized that I had left every sex toy I owned at the Vancouver Sheraton. ‘Oh my God, I’ve castrated myself! … Turn around. Turn around! Turn around!! Turn around!!!’ I screamed at the limo driver, who shot me a look of confusion. … I jumped out of the car the second he pulled up in front of the hotel, and raced into the elevator … I sprinted down the hall to my room and rounded the corner to find I was too late. There she stood in the doorway, wrapping the cord around her vacuum cleaner, having just finished readying my room for the next business traveller. My maid.
"My maid was a ninety-year-old Asian woman. How do you ask a ninety-year-old Asian woman if she found your ten-inch rubber cock?
" ‘Excuse me… Did you find… anything… in my room?’
“The ninety year old Asian woman said, ‘Oh, you mean your dildos? Here.’ Then she handed me every sex toy I owned in a ‘Thank you for staying at the Sheraton - We appreciate your patronage!’ plastic bag.”
- Lea DeLaria, Lea’s Book of Rules for the World
I’ve done this too; went looking for stockings in the sock drawer, hey maybe she put them in this big toiletry bag - ARRRRRGHHHHHHHH MY EYES!
Nothing compared to my brother’s experience; went to clean the mirrors in mum’s bathroom and found, not one but TWO sex toys sitting in the sink; a vibrator and a dildo. Her now-husband was living with them at the time. My first thought was ‘What in God’s name are you going to do with THREE phalluses?’, my second thought was ‘I don’t want to know. Ever.’
OMG. I am quite honesly wiping tears from my eyes over this. I’m envisioning this child’s consternation all too well.
Hey, poor people need orgasams too!
When I was only eight or so I found my Mom’s vibrator. At the time I just thought it was just a vibrating stick. I can’t recal when I finally grew up and put two-and-two together.
Just so long as they don’t have them irresponsibly when they can’t afford them.
One time I flew into the US through Guam. My flight had arrived just in front of a jam-packed flight of Japanese tourists, so there were a lot of people in line behind me when the customs guy decided to search my bags.
Unfortunately I had packed in haste, and had shoved a foam applicator into the side pouch (complete with, um, foam, on it … well I WAS in a hurry). He pulled it out, held it high in the air for EVERYONE to see, and said loudly “so, what is THIS?”
I turned purple with shame and muttered “it’s-a-birth-control-thing,” head hanging.
The customs official was really nice. He put it away immediately and apologized, but in a friendly, no-big-deal, hearty sort of way. As we were leaving, he said “hey, my wife and I have seven kids, guess I don’t know much about birth control!”
What surprises me, actually, is that US Customs officials are so poorly trained. You’d think the guy would have gone through a class where they’d have shown them a lot of, er, devices.
“Remember, class, THIS is a dildo, THIS is a vibrating dildo, and THIS is a butt plug. You only need to worry about the vibrating dildos, as they could be bomb triggers.”
They did that on a episode of Sex & The City. Miranda had one of those bouncy seats that vibrated for her baby, and the batteries ran out while Samantha was babysitting. She laid her vibrator on the seat next to him, and it worked like a charm.
Suuuuuure you were.
Regards,
Shodan
Oh, and once I was dreadfully sick with the flu; my mother came over, made me soup, bundled me out of bed so she could wash my sweaty sheets, etc. Only after she left did I realize I had left my entire dildo collection lined up on my desk.
She didn’t say anything.
What, you’ve never heard of internal abdominal massage before? It’s very good for pain relief…among other things. 
And here I’d always thought it was “ducks in a row.”
matt, darling, I feel that we need to have a talk about your ahem irresponsible placement of personal stress relievers. How do you lose track of a gang of dildos? More than once?!
The last time we moved houses, I had a chance to chat with the truck owner during one of his breaks. It was a HUGE truck and our stuff didn’t come close to filling it. I mentioned that and he said that sometimes they consolidate trips. 2 or 3 households worth of stuff, going about the same direction. I asked if the stuff from the seperate households ever got mixed up, and he laughed.
It seems one load was 2 households. A set of newlyweds, and a woman who was a porn actress. The newlyweds got their stuff dropped off first, the starlett second. She noticed that one of her boxes was missing. It had gone on the truck, but wasn’t there at her new home. Only one place it could have gone. The newlyweds. After checking, the starlett decided it was full of video tapes and sex toys. The truck owner was sitting there trying to decide how to go ask the newlyweds if they had acquired a spare box full of dildos and porn. The porn star grinned, said “Don’t worry, I’ll just call it a wedding present” and let it drop.