My ex-girlfriend was sexually molested twice when she was about 6-7 years old. Her parents knew about it, and they “knew” the guy who did it, but they didn’t have him arrested or anything. They also didn’t have Rachel go to a counselor or anything like that.
At my urging, she finally told her mother about the details of what happened when she was a senior in high school. Her mothers response was basically this: “Well, I think there are counselors that you can see when you get down to FSU (Florida State.)”
But, Rachel never did go see a counselor because she didn’t think that it was “as big a deal as you are making it out to be.”
Even thou things ended REALLY horribly between us, I still care about her and I’m worried that her molestation experience will affect the way that she treats/cares for/raises her own kids.
Having said that, I have to say that because of a court order I can’t have any contact with her, (VERY long, but semi-interesting story, so I can’t offer her any advice, but I’m wondering what the Dopers have to say, as you seem to be a reasonably intelligent bunch:cool: .
I once dated a woman that was molested by her piano teacher. Her parents also decided to do nothing about it. She seemed more traumatized by the fact her parents didn’t do anything about it than that it actually happened. She later married a man who molested one of her kids. She got rid of him on the spot. He also had to deal with the law.
And speaking of law…please do tell about the court order.
Let me preface this by saying that when I told the semi-interesting, semi-tawdry story of me and my ex-girlfriend over on another message board, other posters seemed to be understanding, but they soon were questioning my mental state and going so far as to label me “a psychotic with little or no grasp on reality” among other things. Which I did not appreciate. Mainly because they were making big assumptions about both me and my ex-girlfriend.
Also, it’s 11:30PM and I got exactly 1 hour of sleep last night so please excuse me if I give the briefest of rundowns.
We went out for 15 months. She broke up with me the same day that I found out I got into grad school down at FSU, which is where Rachel was an undergrad. She said that she wanted to still be friends and that we should try and work things out and that she wouldn’t be averse to getting back together.
I moved down to Tallahassee and found out rather quickly that I wasn’t going to grad school for the right reasons.
Due to a lack of communication on both our parts and very bad judgement on my part, things got to a point where Rachel had me arrested and charged with stalking which meant that I got to spend 36 wonderful hours in the Leon County Jail.
After I got out I was served with 2 restraining orders and a court date was set.
Thanks to the good conservative lawyer that my sister-in-laws friends knew, I got an adjudication, but not before getting in a serious car accident which has permanently affected my sense of taste and smell.
I was also suspended from school due to the arrest.
I’m fairly sure that you have more questions/insults/derogatory remarks/flames etc, so please feel free to have at. I will check back tomorrow.
My advice? Forget about Rachel. She doesn’t want you in her life, and even if you have the best of intentions there is nothing positive you can do for people who don’t want to have anything to do with you.
To attempt to answer the basic question here “what are the effects of molestation on the victim”.
Generalities forthcoming:
It’s serious, but it’s not necessarily true that each person who’s been molested will go on to have a shitty life and have problem relationships, poor parenting etc.
COunseling is recommended, and often very helpful. But that also doesn’t mean that w/o it everyone will be horribly emotionally scared. People react differently,
From my experience (working w/offenders, many of whom were abused, 'specially the juvenile sex offenders), it seemed true that in most of their cases, they didn’t see the molester punished. I’ve talked w/folks who work w/the abused and they’ve agreed (this is verbal, am not at my computer w/all my links etc.) that as a general tendancy, kids deal w/it better if they know the molester was held accountable.
Each case can be very different, so there’s no hard & fast rules.
you can’t do anything about your former g/f’s situation.
