We’re watching the *Today Show * and Matt just finished interviewing 11 mothers whose children all have the same father/donor.
I’m I alone in finding it creepy that they sought each other out? That they consider their children all related? That when one wanted another baby, and her favorite donor wasn’t available, another one shared her leftovers?
The donor doesn’t want to be identified, but several of them would like to meet him.
One even tried to rationalize seeking him out against his wishes. In her estimation, his wishes are superseded by her child’s eventual curiosity about “Daddy.”
Creepy.
Did I say I think this is creepy?
Maybe I’m just old.
I thought it was kinda cool. Especially the fact that the kids looked so much alike. I dunno…the whole thing seems to have brought so much joy to so many people. It makes me smile.
Sounds like something she should have thought about before going the sperm donor route in the first place.
No, you’re not the only one who finds it a bit creepy. I think I understand why they are so desperate to try to create a “family”, though.
Having sought out the sperm donor route in the first place, rather than the more traditional way of conceiving a child, suggests they don’t have many strong family/social bonds. Maybe they even decided to have a kid in the first place because they hoped it would help fill some of the emptiness…only to discover that in some ways, raising a child by yourself can be even more lonely than being a single childless person (at least that is how I perceive it, being a single childless person myself).
If I ran a sperm bank, I’d definitely insist on psychological screening for the mothers - not just the donors - to make sure they understood what they were getting themselves into and the possible emotional consequences. I suspect it is common for someone with emotional issues to think having a baby will make everything okay…after all, having a baby is supposed to be such a joyous thing, right? Of course, it’s not that easy in reality.
IANAFertility Doc, but I work with dozens of them. This issue - recipients of donated sperm wanting to interact with either the donor or other families who received sperm from the same donor - was featured in an article in the NY Times a few weeks ago. I didn’t see this piece on Today, but the point to the article was to argue for regulations in how communications get authorized in these types of situations. The fertility docs quotes emphasized that they require it to be fully anonymous and protected so there are no barriers to attracting healthy donors and they can be assured of no downstream consequences…
So, (I didn’t see the show or NYT article) assuming the clinic respected his privacy, how did they track Donor Dad down and how did they hook up with others using his sperm?
There was a similar article in (I believe) Newsweek not long ago. It focused more on how finding the “Daddy” donor would provide insight into inherited diseases and future consequences.
I can understand the necessity for a more thorough medical history of a donor if one’s child starts showing signs of specific illnesses, but I do wonder if the whole ‘anonymity’ issue may come in to question later. It may be possible for donors to become physically (if not fiscally) responsible for their progeny, which would put a serious damper on donations from healthy participants.
I’m still not sure how I feel about the whole thing, but it seems like anonymity could be preserved when donors’ medical pasts are needed for insights into the health of the kids.
A woman I know did the sperm donor thing. She had a book that was pretty thick on the ‘donor’ that had everything to know about him, including a family medical history. She just didn’t know his name.
I think they actually do face-to-face interviews and do a certain amount of background checking, particularly because medical history is so important to the moms and the children. My guess is that they have a photograph (that isn’t shared with the recipient) so they know it’s the same guy doing the deposits under that ID number.
