To remove warts:
take 3 tbsp of fresh cat urine, add a 1/2 tsp of lye and 1 tsp ginger. Simmer (microwave is OK) until ginger is disolved.
Spread on warts daily until wart is gone.
Puree brain shrapnel in blender. Add clove minced garlic, 1 small minced habanero pepper, 2 tsp. honey, 1/2 tsp. coarse sea salt. Place in cup, add boiling water. Drink while water is still scalding hot.
Peanut butter, blue cheese dressing, green peppers, in a sandwich. Really hits the spot.
(Actually, my mom prepared this sandwich and ate it herself. She’s an odd one.)
you forgot the bananas and mint jelly.
Roast hedgehog and onions.
I’m suffering from (what I’m sure in my misery is) the world’s worst cough right now. And your first made up cure sounds good. Like it might actually help. Maybe not the milk though - last thing I need is something that increases mucus production. Maybe start with hot water and honey.
I’ve been sick and feverish with the cough from hell for four days. I’m desperate.
What could work…
Is either
a) A woman with a fine pitcher of ale
b) Cat litter (preferably without the poop). When you use it on your face - it seems to clean stuff up (probably b/c it’s clay).
It makes you feel a whole lot better though.
One shot jaegermeister
One Tablespoon cottage cheese
One teaspoon Brother Bru-Bru’s Hot Sauce
A dash of Robitussin
A splash of Drano
Mix well. Apply to the eyes with a Scotch-Brite pad to get rid of redness and dryness.
6oz paraffin wax
1 tsp baking soda
1 lemon, chilled & sliced in half.
12" length of raw twine
1/2 c. vinegar
Eye-dropper
Heat wax in a small pot until thoroughly melted. Incline head to one side and gently spoon baking soda into ear. Fill eye-dropper with vinegar and squirt into ear, make sure to use enough pressure to get the vinegar all the way in. Immediately pour one spoonful of the heated paraffin wax into ear canal. Before wax sets, thread one end of the twine into the soft wax, then hold the lemon half over the ear until wax has fully set (5 - 10 mins).
Once wax has fully set, grab the loose end of twine, and with a swift yanking motion dislodge the wax from your ear.
Tadaa! No more pesky ear hairs!
A smack upside the head. (been working for me…)
Let us know how it goes 
3 tablespoons cod liver oil
1 and 1/2 cups minced sardines
4 ounces freshly grated horse radish
1 cup of mashed cold brussels sprouts
1 quart liquified non-dairy creamer
Blend all ingredients and pour into large bowl. Let set 48 hours uncovered in the refrigerator. Apply to face. Removes unsightly laugh lines, bags, acne and possibly the top three layers of skin.
You may also spread it around the perimeter of your yard. It is a sure fire way to keep the neighborhood dogs from using your yard for “business.”
I’ve heard you can also pour it down ant holes…
Oh, well, you know, to fix that, all you need is some duct tape. And a mop.
1 TBSP Wasabi
1 tsp Mineral Ice
1/2 tsp Tobasco
2 TBSP KY Jelly
2 Small Baloons
Mix first four ingrediants throroughly and generously coat baloons. Insert baloons, one in each, into nostrils (be sure open ends remain outside the nose). Once the baloons are all the way in, blow them up. When they pop, your sinus problems should be relieved.