The difficulty of getting advice from the SD

[NineToTheSky]

@Boyo_Jim

I really don’t understand the point of the OP. It is not difficult to get advice from the SDMB. You put out your thread and you get lots of it.

There may be some difficulty in figuring out which advice is worth taking. I have seen members, without any attempt at snark, suggest some pretty stupid solutions to problems. And other advice, couched in ridicule, that nevertheless is pretty dead on, IMO. And everything in between.

So really it seems to me the OP’s point isn’t about the difficulty of getting advice but in giving it in some manner appropriately sensitive to the advice OP’s individual circumstances. So this is really an issue of tone more than anything else.

What you’re doing is asking assholes not to be such assholes. Tough sell. Good luck with that.

Another issues is that many times the OP is a straightforward request for advice or information and the apparent problems of the OP don’t become apparent until after a number of exchanges with others. Indeed, it is sometimes the snarkiest comments which draw out some kind of bizarre response and give us a clue that the OP has more issues than were put on the table at first.

Well, I appreciate your concern, but I don’t see any other way of doing business to avoid such potential problems.

My title should have been ‘The difficulty *with *getting advice from the SD’, probably. Your post is spot on.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

Yes, it worries me too. There should be a disclaimer somewhere to consult with a professional; we’re just a bunch of … (gee, what is our commonality anyways? Just that we’re all fans of Cecil’s column?)

Actually, there IS a disclaimer, in the registration agreement:

The following rules apply to all participants on the SDMB:

Considering the real-time nature of this bulletin board and the volume of messages received, it is impossible for us to verify the information posted. We do not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. Users should be particularly wary of medical, legal or other professional advice posted on the message board and recognize that it is no substitute for in-person consultation with a competent professional. Messages express the views of their authors, not necessarily the views of the operator of the SDMB, namely Creative Loafing Media, Inc. (“CLM”), or any entity associated with it.

In other words, because somebody has a mental disorder and doesn’t think the way you do, it’s okay for you to say things that will harm him. You get to decide that a person with that disorder must inherently be a bad person. You get to decide what is best for the entire frickin’ world.

No, if someone is being a jerk, having a mental disorder doesn’t give him a pass on getting called on it. I don’t think that his mental disorder is the reason, or at least the primary reason, that he’s being a jerk to his girlfriend. What’s more, this “harm” is more on the order of getting a boil lanced. He’s not going to straighten out his love life unless he learns to treat his partners and potential partners with a bit of respect, and learns not to be on the lookout to trade up while still keeping one partner waiting in the wings in case he doesn’t land anyone hotter.

[Muffin]

I don’t think the fellow’s mental health comes into the equation.

The fellow was shitting on his girlfriend, so he was advised by board members to cease having the relationship. The cause of his mistreating her – ostensibly his mental disability – was not relevant to this. What was relevant was that the girlfriend was being mistreated and should not be stuck with such a fellow.

Following the breakup, the fellow kept stalking his ex-girlfriend despite being told by her and her family to not do this. He was advised by board members to leave her alone. The cause of his stalking her – either his mental disability or simply his own broken heart – was not relevant to this. What was relevant was that the girlfriend was being stalked and should not have had to put up with such nonsense.

The bottom line is that regardless of the reason for improper treatment of his girlfriend, the fellow mistreated her repeatedly, and as a result, he received very good advice from board members that has served to protect her from further mistreatment.