The dilemma of urban vs. suburban

In My Humble Opinion
21

I guess more than racial diversity I’m thinking about diversity of cultural attractions. And I’m not talking just about cultural institutions like an opera house – more like, you walk down the street past cool alleyways, run into weird little shops, meet people whose values and outlook on life range widely.

I agree with these assessments of suburbia, and these are nice features, especially as a parent. But they come at a serious cost, in my opinion. The challenge is to decide which way the balance points.

A public school is a genuine community facility, available to all and with the mission of serving everyone. Private school is selective by class/wealth and therefore divisive. I’m sure there are neighborhoods where the private school serves as the de facto community institution for most families, but it’s still not an open resource, and that makes it all the more damaging because it devastates the public system for the kids who get left out.

22

Consider a boy and his dog. You will know the answer very soon when he wants one.

23

Sorry, but that simply isn’t a dealmaker/breaker for me. I’m the parent; I get to decide what’s most important for him. Dogs are cool. So are cities.

24

Frankly, it sounds like you’ve answered your own question. You value an urban lifestyle. Look for an urban area and make it work for your family. Plenty of people successfully raise happy kids in the city.

I grew up in the rural burbs - anything remotely cultural had to be accessed by car. My friends are a bunch of city kids. I had Guthrie season tickets, they didn’t. I went to the symphony, they didn’t. I spent Saturdays at the museum, they didn’t.

That sort of access has three parts - physical proximity, drive of the parents, and interest of the teenager. If you are dedicated to giving your kids access to that stuff, proximity is the easiest of the issues to solve.

25

Actually, to be quite honest, if I were calculating the balance sheet purely on my son’s quality of life I’m pretty confident that it would come out in favor of suburbs (though only slightly). But the opposite is true for myself and my wife. I don’t think parents should be expected to make every decision solely in terms of how it affects their kid, and besides, his life will be better if we’re happier. But obviously if being in a city results in a huge detriment to his well-being, that’s not acceptable.

I’m finding that this thread is most useful as a poll. I don’t expect any individual will alter his or her position (does anyone ever do that in a SDMB thread?), but I’ve been very interested to see where respondents have fallen and how strongly/convincingly they argue for their positions. I’m really, truly on the fence – I can argue myself toward one side or the other, and have done so back and forth several times while reading responses to this thread. I’m hoping someone says something sufficiently convincing to help me settle, or that enough seemingly like-minded people weigh in favoring one or the other of the options.

26

It’s been a long time since we had to make that decision. We chose an older, established suburb with its own little downtown and everything within a 20-minute walk, so we got the best of both.

There’s no simple answer, because there are excellent city neighborhoods and crappy suburbs, safe urban and dangerous suburbs, etc.

Here’s what I’d recommend. Look at the school, be it neighborhood public, magnet or private. Does it have a lot of extra-curricular activities, “camps,” summer programs, etc., or does it shut up tight at 4:00 p.m.? Chances are good that an active, busy school – urban, suburban or rural – is also an academically good school, and part of a “kid-friendly” neighborhood.

Not every school in a given district is uniformly good, or uniformly bad. There are probably public schools in the city of Denver that are better than a lot of suburban schools. You’ll have to do some digging to find out which ones fall where.

27

My husband and I don’t have kids, but we made the urban to suburban switch about a year ago. We did it because of our dogs and because of eventual kids; we wanted a yard and to live in a neighborhood where you can see stars and where people are looking out for each other a little bit more, and where it’s safer.
Pros for us: Downtown is teenager-accessible for us, no problem. We deliberately looked for houses within walking distance of the local train station, so it’s easy for us to go downtown for dinner (and drinks! No DD needed!) if we want. If you decide on the 'burbs (though it doesn’t look like you will), this is DEFINITELY something to consider.

Our neighborhood is great- no HOA, idyllic atmosphere, easy entertaining in the yard, trees all over… Last time we were downtown after not having gone for a month or so, we were struck by how shabby and filthy everything was compared to how we remembered it. You get used to a lot living in the city. Our community also has a lot of things going on- a nice food co-op, cute little stores, and nice parks.

The improved safety is awesome. I don’t even have to think about taking the dogs for a long walk at two in the morning. I don’t have to think about how well-lit a street is, whether I’ll get mugged, whatever.

Public schools are better in the suburbs, at least where we are, but only in general. Most of the people I know who raised (see past tense- I only know one person who has a child in the city right now, and she’s not school-aged yet) kids in Philly proper sent their kids to private schools. Wait, make that all of them. The public schools where we are now are quite good, but property taxes are much higher than they are in the city.
Cons:

Culture is less convenient. All of the restaurants near us (that are outside our immediate “town”) are chains, and you have to take the train to get to good ones. Same with indie theaters, live performances, etc. While the train makes this convenient, it does mean things require more planning.

You have to drive for everything else. We barely put any miles on the car the entire time we lived in the city, but now we have to drive to a movie theater, many shops, or pretty much anything not immediately nearby (it would actually be an easy bike ride to the nearest mall, which is closer than it was in the city, but we don’t spend much time there, so it’s not a huge issue).
Bottom line: Even as two adults who loved the city and miss some aspects of it, we like living in the suburbs better. Of course, living close enough to the train station to get downtown in about 25 minutes has helped immensely with this, as we get to have most of the best of both things. As much as we bitch about the lack of good restaurants, they’re still there, and we like living in a safe, clean, and friendly environment more than having easier access to things we normally planned in advance anyway.

For you, do what you want. Plenty of people can and do raise kids in cities.