Apparently there’s a faction of Madison drag queens who have declared a vendetta against me. The opening salvo was fired about two months ago, when one “Trinity Matthews,” under one of her several non-drag chat names on gay.com, announced (using my real first name as opposed to my chat handle) in the room that I pay strippers for sex. This came as a surprise to me, as I have never paid a stripper for sex and to the best of my knowledge had never spoken to the person making the accusation, either in person or online. Only later did I find out who he was and that this person and Trinity were one and the same. I quickly riposted that a) I had never paid a stripper for sex, b) if I had, there is nothing wrong with paying a stripper for sex, and c) it’s really no one’s business whether I pay a stripper for sex or not. She retreated, and nothing more was heard.
Until about three weeks ago, when one “Miss Kyllie Stevens” sent me a private message reading “u r ugly.” Flabbergasted, since I again had no recollection of ever speaking to this creature, and a little annoyed at having another drag queen attack me, I said in the room how much I pitied Miss Stevens, seeing as how her life must be so utterly devoid of meaning that her only recourse for brightening her dreary existence is to try to bring down a total stranger. There was general agreement in the room as to how pathetic in general such an attack was and in particular how pathetic Miss Stevens was for launching it. She retreated into silence.
In the interim, Trinity popped off again in chat at me and I gave her some noise back. She claimed it was “all in love” and she bore no grudges. This was I guess to lull me into some false sense of security because, over the weekend…
DRAG QUEENS ATTACKED!
First Miss Stevens sent another private message accusing me of cowardice for not having the courage to say disparaging things to her face. I laughed at this since she started the disparagement and it certainly wasn’t to my face. After a somewhat heated exchange that spilled from private to the chat room to private again, I put her on permanent ignore.
Later that same day, some 23 year old twink suggested I meet him at the local bar, where Miss Stevens and Trinity were both performing. He even offered to buy me a drink. I declined, mentioning that the drag queens were apparently upset with me. Suddenly the twink explodes with twink rage, saying he knows who I am, I’m the guy who routinely slags Miss Stevens when she performs, calling her “trash” and making all sorts of unkind remarks. Nonsense, I reply, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her perform and I certainly don’t routinely bad-mouth drag queens (except, N.B., when they populate the weekly stripper shows too thickly, delaying my access to the sight of hot men removing their clothes to music). Not so, cries the twink, you’ve even trashed her to me and she’s one of my very best friends! Whatever, I reply, only to find the twink has signed off in a huff. My feeling is he was assigned to attempt to lure me to the bar for some nefarious purpose which would not involve naked sex with him after.
About an hour later, Trinity privates me, asking if I have a problem with the girls in “her” show (which is in itself a laugh since it’s not her show in the first place). I say that apparently Miss Stevens is upset with me, but since I don’t care it’s not really something I’d classify as a “problem.” Trinity then launches into a mini-tirade, cataloging the litanty of abuse that I’ve supposedly heaped upon the immaculately-coiffed heads of drag queen after drag queen after poor defenseless drag queen. Only problem is, she’s accusing me of doing these terrible things at a bar that I haven’t been to on a regular basis since February. I attempted to explain to her that she has me confused with someone else, to which she responds that I have said these things directly to her while she is not in drag. Only problem is this is someone I would not speak to were she not in drag. Tiring of this little game, I put Trinity on permanent ignore as well.
So this drag cabal is plotting and scheming for some unfathomable reason against me. It would worry me, did I not know that the head of Trinity’s “house” is hot for me and won’t hear a word against me, that several other of the leading drag queens in town know I respect them, and that quite frankly no one who doesn’t do drag really gives a flying fuck at a rolling donut what drag queens do, say or think. For good or ill, drag queens are currently at the bottom of the food chain of the gay community and the little houses of games they tend to build aren’t going to do anything to dispel that perception of them. Thus, I endure the nerf-like slings and rubber-tipped arrows of my countrywomen, knowing that like so many other dramas they create, it is full of sound and fury and signifies nothing.
